Shattering Point (Mass Effect Barrier Book 2)
by LJAndersen
Summary: Kaidan Alenko, leading Alliance anti-terrorist efforts, is still mourning his relationship with Commander Shepard. After events of 'Aimless Victory,' he's determined to expose what really happened aboard the Normandy. Unsupported, he must face the Alliance he believes in and the values he upholds. But some fights can't be won. For Kaidan, losing this fight means losing everything.
1. Chapter 1

Shattered

(Barrier Book 2)

Chapter 1

Pebbles crunched into the mud under Kaidan's sandy running shoes. With water tied up in the snowcaps, the river withdrew from boulders usually hidden under the rush of water. It made a broad riverbank stiff with cold and perfect for running near the tree line. A morning mist rolled down the mountainside adding to the fog blowing in off the ocean shore ahead. Waves roared in the distance. Hearing it from this far, the wind must be picking up along the coast.

Kaidan kept to the rocky, compacted sand along the top of the bank. Veer too close to the water where the sand changed to rolling stones, he'd turn his ankle. He knew that too well. That had been a long summer. He'd regretted it every day as he hobbled around his parents' deck. Everyone else had been out swimming, playing sports, training, or working job angles. It hadn't all been a waste though. It was the same summer he'd decided to apply to the Alliance.

Kaidan cantered to a walk catching his breath. His shoes smudged the single set of tracks pointed the other direction, his own from an hour ago. Or was it an hour and half? He reached for his wrist then frowned. Right. No Omni-Tool. It had been blasted to pieces. Pieces that could be put back together, granted, but it would take some time. It was more than half fixed though. At least, it gave him something to do. As for the the Omni-Tool he'd borrowed from the Alliance, well, there was a reason it was a loaner. Not that it wasn't appreciated. It worked to get ahold of him and did the basics. The sun stood over the mountains as a faint white haze in the overcast sky. It was probably ninety minutes then.

Kaidan rubbed his neck as his breath plumed out as a vapor. If he didn't start running again, his sweat would turn cold. Cold and sweaty was a bad combo. It felt good to walk for a moment though listening to the ocean churn in the distance. The cool, damp forest air fresh with pine and rain had a brackish hint now. It had sprinkled earlier. From the feel of it, it might again, but he was almost back.

Everyone was probably up now. For a moment when he left, he thought he'd woken Kate. He'd paused in the entry way swaying on one foot, a shoe halfway on, and the floor boards creaking under him. But there was only silence. He'd slipped out the door. They were back home all together. Well, almost together. There wasn't going to be a real "together" again. Not anymore.

Cold air chilled back of his sweaty neck. It felt good in a way as his heart rate slowed. It was peaceful, quiet. The river water reflected a mix of silver and greens. It was beautiful here. It was beautiful elsewhere though too.

He'd seen a lot. Who would have thought while he sat on his parents' deck with a twisted ankle deciding what to do and where to go, he'd go on to see all this? All the things he'd seen. He'd walked on the quarian homeworld, something generations of quarians had longed their whole lives to see. He, only a human, not even part of the galactic community fifty years, had walked there. He'd seen geth and quarians, bitterest enemies brimming with distrust, put it aside and work together. He'd made friends with krogans, AI's, a prothean. Maybe "friends" was optimistic on the last one. He'd met Councilors, Spectres, a Primach. He'd received recognition from admirals. Become a Spectre. Met Shepard.

Kaidan's chest tightened as his pace slowed. Shepard. He missed her. He thought of her every day. Caught up thinking of something else, he'd realize he wasn't thinking of her to only then be thinking of her. It was aggravating really. But maybe, he wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes he wasn't sure.

Gulls screamed as waves roared louder nearing the beach. It was still a way off, but he could see the silhouette of home up on the hill rise to his left. The third story just crested the treetops. It was too far to make out the wrapped deck or see how many lights were on. The loud business swarming inside was going to be a system shock after being out here, like blanching a vegetable. Some of them were head out today though.

They'd visited the memorial gardens in Vancouver the day before. Seeing his dad's name, he'd seen it so many times alone in the garden while at HQ, but there was something seeing it again with everyone gathered. Painful. It would have been better to have just left it with the small service they'd had months ago when he'd first gotten back, but Uncle Mikhail leave hadn't lined up with Kaidan's until now. Besides more than just he, Mom, and Kate's family wanted to remember Kaidan's dad too, even though it felt like picking at an open wound.

Anderson's name had been there too. Kaidan had walked along stone slabs full of names until he found it. Wiping dew off the plaque, he saw his own reflection looking back at him. The name on the plaque could have been his own name or anyone's. It should have been Shepard's. He was still shocked and gratified knowing all those months holding out hope, feeling foolish and naive, in the end, he'd been right. It was unbelievable when he heard it. It was unbelievable now, months later. So much time had passed now since he heard it standing on the bridge of the Normandy. He'd stood rigid after hearing it repeating it over and over in his head, afraid to react in case the information was wrong or he was misunderstanding it. It wasn't until he looked over at Liara, wet trails down her face and a smile, that he let himself feel it and believe it. Even now, Shepard was still alive out there, somewhere, doing what she loved, what she was meant to do.

Kaidan moved to the grassy embankment. Twisty tree roots exposed from the receded water provided steps onto a worn trail in the wet grass. Toward home. Geese passed overhead honking. Kaidan tried to smile and drink in the outdoors again, but he'd thought too much about Shepard now. It was like a gloom shrouding an already hazy sun.

He didn't want to feel this way. He should be content with Shepard being alive and well. He was alive and well. His mother, sister, nieces, friends were all alive and well. People he'd agonized over on his return flight, he'd returned to find them safe. But it wasn't enough. Maybe it was a character flaw to not let it be enough. Focusing on his own self-interest had to be controllable. You couldn't control a lot of things, even most things, but you could control yourself. Perhaps controlling your head was easier than controlling your heart though. Or maybe, he just had more practice with the other. Hell, after this, he didn't want any more practice again. Ever. He missed her. He'd give anything to see her right now, here or anywhere, just to talk. One time was never enough. He sounded like an addict.

He was almost there. A drop of water hit his forehead. Streaks of rain only visible against the distant mountain dripped through the canopy. He could run the rest of the way back, but the urge was gone.

They could see each other just as friends, he and Shepard. Here he was, telling himself this again. It comforted only an instant, knowing it couldn't be true. Not for him, not now, hard to imagine ever really. It sounded awful, cold. Eventually, they'd be a first time when he'd see her, talk to her knowing she was with someone else. It was inevitable. It would kill him. It killed him now, and it was just his imagination. No, he couldn't be any kind of friend feeling that way. Too much pretending, too painful. Seeing them together and hearing about it from her. And if it was serious …

Kaidan ran his hands through his hair spraying droplets of rain into the air. He clenched his eyes shut as his head started to ache. He was working himself up over a figment. He just need to focus on breathing. He kept doing this to himself – agonizing over her. Going down this path over and over again. He needed to keep busy. Once he got back to his biotics teams and the next assignment, then—

"Kaidan?"

Kaidan eyes snapped open. His mom picked her along the stepping stones slopping down from the house. She was almost to him. He'd gotten further to the house than he realized.

"Hey, Mom." Kaidan took wide steps up the path to her. "What're you doing out here?"

She pulled her coat tighter. Rain sprinkled her salt and peppered hair. "Just thinking, and waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?" He put his arm around her.

They walked up the stone trail toward the house. She reached up and held his hand on her shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm okay. Worried about you though. Things going all right?"

Kaidan felt sick in the bottom of his throat. She thought he was upset about his dad. He was, of course, he was. Only, he thought of Shepard more. More than his own dad. Here he was to remember his dad for the weekend, his whole extended family here, and he was mourning more for someone still alive. He should be focusing on his father who raised him, someone he'd never see again, than dwelling on someone he felt almost cursed to see again. Not cursed though, no, not exactly. Hell, it was a paradox. He was an addict. It was true. Still, it had to be a healthier vice than red sand. Hopefully.

"Why did you wait out here? It's freezing," he said.

"I kept thinking you'd be back any moment. It was nice though. Haven't spent much time out here since … things happened. Fresh air, couple cups of tea, stood on the deck until I saw you coming."

"I wasn't gone that long."

"Two and a half hours," she said. "Kate heard you leave. Said it was still pitch dark."

"The sun was coming up soon."

"Hmm." She didn't sound convinced.

They neared the long set of stone stairs up to the front door. Kaidan's mom stopped. She twisted out from under his arm and looked him in the eye. Kaidan's heart beat harder. He had to look away.

"Hey." She turned his face to her. "What's going on with you? It's like, since the last time I saw you, things have gotten worse. Is everything just hitting you now, or what's going on?"

Kaidan swallowed. His throat felt dry. He'd never told his parents about Shepard. Never told anyone, even Kate. Fraternizing with a fellow officer, especially when she'd been his CO, was bound to be unpopular. He could still imagine what his father's face would have looked like had he ever known – the distant, blank stare and disappointed frown. It stung just flashing through his mind's eye. Stung that he'd never see it. Never be able to tell his dad something to disappoint him. Never be with Shepard to disappoint anyone else.

"I don't know," he said instead.

She frowned at him. "Yes, you do. But …" She held his eye for a moment before sighing. "Have it your way. You always do."

"No, I don't."

He supported her elbow as they worked their way up the stairs slick with dew

"I'm not a cripple, you know?" She smiled.

"They're slippery."

They came to the front door. His mom paused.

"Hey, I almost forgot," she said as Kaidan turned to her. "Someone called for you."

"Called for me?" He frowned.

His borrowed Omni-Tool was by his bed. He wasn't even sure if it was on, let alone why anyone would answer it for him.

"The house's comm," his mom said.

That didn't make sense. The Alliance knew how to reach his loaned Omni-Tool. He should have taken it with him on his run.

"It was an asari."

"An asari?" Kaidan's attention snapped to her.

"Yes."

A brisk stride and he was at the door.

"Was her name Liara?" Kaidan pushed the open button.

"Maybe. I wrote it down somewhere. Doctor … oh, doctor something. I have it …"

Kaidan rushed through the doorway as it opened but lingered at entrance for her. She eyed him as she came forward. He ushered her inside. He pressed a palm to the entryway's wall and flipped his shoes off.

"Kaidan, you're making a mess." His mom pointed at the caked mud and sand scattering across the floor. "Let me find that name."

"Don't worry about the name. I'll come back and clean this up." He leaped up the stairs.

"Kaidan …"

"I got it. Thanks, Mom."

He bounded up the stairs and cut around the corner of the landing. He collided into Kate.

"Whoa." She smacked him on the shoulder. "Holy—" Her eyes darted to Lauren toddling out the bathroom door toward them. "Never mind."

"Sorry."

"What's the hurry? A three-hour run on the river not enough? Hallway's fair game now?"

"You're always fair game." He poked her as he passed. "Hey, Feisty." He rustled Laruen's blonde hair.

Her face puckered. She snatched at his hand, but he pulled it back.

"Got to be quicker." He grinned.

She growled at him.

Kaidan laughed. "Just like you, Kate."

"Maybe you're the common factor there, Kaidan." Kate came over and gave him a sharp poke back. "Poke him like this."

He glanced at his room but waited. Lauren tentatively poked his leg.

"Ah!" Kaidan said.

Lauren laughed, pulling on his hand, and poking him again and again with her other finger.

"Okay, okay." Kate pulled Lauren back. "Revenge was had. Let's have breakfast."

Kaidan smiled at Kate. "Good thing you have Richard. Your kids need a good influence."

"You're such an …" Her eyes flickered down to Lauren. "Sure as _heck_ not it."

"Yeah!" Lauren hollered pointing at him.

"Geezzz, let's go." Kate ushered her down the stairs. She called back over her shoulder. "Nice to see you smile for once."

Kaidan dodged to his room. It wasn't really his room, not anymore. He wasn't home enough to expect anything to be his. Now it was a guest room, which was fitting. In a lot of ways, he was just that. He rushed to his bed and bumped into the end table as he fumbled for his Omni-Tool. The end table's lamp rocked precariously. Kaidan steadied it then put on his Omni-Tool.

Henry rolled over on the couch against the wall.

"What the hell?" He sat up shoving off a blanket. "Kaidan?"

"You're still sleeping?"

"That was the aim." Henry rubbed his face. "The sun just came up."

"It's been up." Kaidan popped up the Omni-Tool's interface.

"Over China maybe. Just came up here though, I swear."

Kaidan shuffled to the door flipping through a screen.

"Who you calling? A girl?"

"In a way."

His cousin stretched and dropped his feet on the floor. His hair stood on end in disarray.

"Haven't found out yet, huh?" he asked.

"An asari."

"Oh." Henry stood. "Meet a dancer?"

Kadian smirked. "You think I go clubbing?"

Henry shrugged. "How should I know? Been like five years."

"I haven't changed _that_ much."

Henry held up a finger. "First lie. Now I really can't believe you." He grabbed Kaidan's shoulder and pulled him back from the doorway. "I'm going. Have a nice chat."

"You can keep sleeping. I—"

"Nope," Henry waved back at him as he headed down the hall. "I smell sausage."

Kaidan closed the door and hit the green button on the holoscreen. He waited. An asari lit up the screen, but it wasn't Liara. Kaidan blinked at her. It was the number Liara had given him. Maybe he'd misentered it into his contacts. The asari cocked her head at him for a moment then looked to the side.

"Dr. T'soni."

Footsteps came over. Liara's face appeared.

"Kaidan?"

"Oh. Hey, Liara. Were you trying to contact me?"

Liara ushered away the other asari and settled herself in front of the screen. "Yes. Sorry. Where are you calling me from? My assistant didn't recognize the number."

"My Omni-Tool."

"I tried it earlier."

"It's a different one. I'm borrowing it while my other is fixed."

Liara nodded. "I'm sorry to have called your family's residence. It was listed for you, but I didn't know … A human child answered. A relative, I assume?"

"Niece."

"Right. Then I am correct. You're on leave in Vancouver with your family?"

"A little outside Vancouver but essentially."

"Good," Liara leaned in closer. "I need your help with something. I didn't want to inconvenience you too much."

"What do you need?"

"You."

XXX

Kaidan carried his bag down the stairs and dropped it on the landing by the front door. Dishes clanged from the kitchen down the hallway. Laughter mixed with Kate's voice. It was always so loud.

Rebecca wandered from the great room to his left. She looked up from her Omni-Tool. "Oh, hey. I'm meeting my friends downtown at nine. Want to tag along to Vancouver? They're in my doctorate program. Told 'em I have fun cousins. You'd like them. Promise."

"Maybe another time."

Emily burst past Rebecca from the living room. Her hair sprang out half combed and wild.

"Kaidan!" She bumped into him and threw her arms around his legs.

"Hey." Kaidan bent and grabbed her under the arms. He lifted her overhead. "How's it going, Em?"

"Your hair's wet!" She grabbed at his hair.

"I know." He ducked out of reach. "I took a shower."

Rebecca grinned and returned to her Omni-Tool. She retreated down the hall to the kitchen.

"Hey." Kaidan set Emily down. "You know where Grandma went?"

"Downstairs. Getting Henry's towel."

Kaidan put out his hand. She grabbed it with a goofy grin. They walked downstairs. The room opened out into a large living area. A hazy light came through the patio slider and flanking windows. In the distance, the fog bank still hid the ocean from view. The back of Henry's head poked above the couch facing the windows. Emily tugged Kaidan forward. Henry slouched across the couch studying a datapad.

"Where's grandma?" Kaidan looked down and squeezed Emily's hand.

"Over there." Emily pointed at the laundry room.

"Hey, Kaid." Henry sat up and turned the datapad to him. "You seen this?"

Kaidan's heart skipped a beat. He let Emily's hand drop. She tore across the carpet to the laundry room. His mom's voice yelped in mock surprise from somewhere inside.

"The news article or the person?" Kaidan asked stiffly.

Henry turned it back to look. "You worked with her, right?"

"Yeah."

"She's a bombshell. I mean, really, come on."

Kaidan's mom hobbled out of the laundry room with a basketful of towels. Emily hung on her arm. His mom smiled plopping the basket on the end of the couch.

"You're making this hard, dear."

"I know." Emily giggled.

Kaidan's mom cocked her head to see Henry's datapad. "Commander Shepard, right?"

"She single?" Henry asked.

Kaidan crossed his arms. "Far as I know."

"Introduce us." Henry grinned. "I mean, really, give her my information some time."

"I'm not setting you up. Meet her yourself."

"How's that going to happen? You work with her."

"Not really. Not anymore."

Henry looked down at the picture on his datapad. Kaidan squinted at it. It wasn't even part of a news article, just pictures, results of a picture search.

"Getting a good look?" Henry craned his neck to look up at Kaidan. "How 'bout it?"

Kaidan stepped back. "You seriously want me to set you up? You know anything else other than how she looks?"

"Uh, yeah. She's hot."

"You don't even care whether she has a good personality or anything?"

"Does she?"

"Yeah."

"Well, then." Henry laughed. "Case closed."

"Kaidan! Kaidan!" Emily skipped sideways over to him.

"Em! Em! Em!"

"Are you going to have breakfast?" She grinned at him missing a front tooth.

"Already ate."

"Fine," she sighed with a pout. She motioned at his mom. "Everyone's already eaten."

Kaidan's mom pulled a towel out of the basket. "You better go eat then."

"Fine," she drew out the word.

"Fine," his mom echoed.

Emily rolled her eyes and stomped with exaggeration up the stairs. "I'm going."

His mom chuckled. "Pretending to be upset gets attention."

"So," Henry sat up straighter waving the datapad at Kaidan, "back to this. How do I get a piece of this hot ass?"

Kaidan ripped the datapad out of his hand. "Show some respect."

He slew it spinning across the glass coffee table and walked over to his mom.

"I would show her respect, Kaidan." Henry grinned. "I'd respect her so hard, she'd be arching her back moaning for me to stop respecting her."

The towel dropped from his mom's hands. Her head snapped to the empty stairway. Kaidan snatched the towel up and threw it at Henry's face.

"That, what you're waiting for?"

Henry chortled pulling it off his head. "Kaidan, what the hell?" Henry glanced at Kaidan's mom and stopped with a flinch. He looked back at Kaidan. "Sore subject?" He leaned over and picked up his datapad. He grabbed the towel. "Damn, Kaidan. You have a thing for her?"

"You shouldn't say that about anyone. She saved your sorry ass and everyone else's."

"Kaidan." His mom frowned at him and nodded toward the stairs.

No one was there. It wasn't even much of a curse word, but she was probably right.

Henry stood and flipped the towel over his shoulder. "Okay. Well, guess you haven't changed that much after all, Kaidan. Hey," he paused with a grin. "Next time you see her … give her my respects, won't you?"

He turned with a laugh and rushed to the stairs. His feet caught, and he stumbled spilling forward onto his hands and knees. The runner in front of the stairs scrunched up by his feet. He twisted around sharply holding his towel against the floor with a fist.

"You do that to me, Kaidan?"

Kaidan shrugged. "You're just clumsy."

"Right." Henry pushed himself up, his face reddening. He gripped his towel with tight knuckles, but he didn't say anything. He turned and tromped up the stairs. His footfalls muffled with each step until he was gone.

"Kaidan. You didn't need to do that."

"I know I didn't _need_ to." Kaidan yanked a towel out of the basket and started to fold it.

His mom paused then pulled another towel out. "You seem upset."

Kaidan set the folded towel on the arm of the couch and motioned at the stairs. "He was being an ass."

"Well, that's Henry for you." His mom sighed. "You're on edge though. More upset than usual."

Kaidan hesitated and finally said. "Fine. Yes."

"'Fine. Yes?'"

They folded towels in silence. A murmur of voices and dishes came down the stairs. Someone ran over head. A bang. Wailing. Kate's voice and rushing footsteps. Kaidan's mom bumped his shoulder to get his attention.

"Still stewing over it?"

"I didn't like how he was talking about her."

"Her?"

"Shepard. I care about her."

"Hmm."

Kaidan rushed to add, "We've worked together a lot, had each other's backs. She doesn't deserve that. Just rubbed me the wrong way, I guess."

He turned the towel over on his arm and set it down. His mom studied him then nodded slowly. She set a folded towel on top of his and touched his arm.

"I remember how upset you were when the Normandy was destroyed. You thought she was dead."

"We lost a lot of crew."

"Your dad said you were upset about Shepard."

Kaidan reached for another towel. His mom laid her hand on it. "Kaidan." He met her eye. "Is this what you're upset about? You have feelings for her?"

Kaidan's breath caught. "What?"

"It's just, I know you were back on the Normandy during the war. You've hardy said a thing about it."

"A lot happened. I'm still processing it all."

"And that's all?"

"I don't know." Kaidan shifted on his feet.

His mom eyed him. He turned away, walked down the couch, and sat with a heavy thud. His mom didn't say anything and folded another towel. Kaidan felt her eyes on him. He hunched forward folding his hands and squinted out at the gray fog. His mom set down the last towel and walked over. She sank down next to him.

"Did something happen?"

Kaidan looked over at her for along moment before looking back down. He unfolded and refolded his hands. Finally, he let out a long breath.

"Yes." Kaidan closed his eyes. "We … we were together before this."

"The war?"

"Yes. No." Kaidan sighed opening his eyes. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" His mom leaned down by him.

"I meant, before the reapers were destroyed. Before the mass relays were damaged. After that, the crew and I were stranded on the Normandy all those months. Shepard was here on Earth."

"And now you're not together?"

Kaidan dragged his hands down his face. "I can't believe I'm telling you this."

She put a hand on his back, "Kaidan …"

Kaidan looked over sharply. "You know, it's against regulations to be with another officer."

"Even when you don't work the same—"

"Doesn't matter." He paused, then shrugged. "Well, maybe it matters in determining the degree of reprimand. But either way, you couldn't carry on after being reprimanded, not without being dismissed from service. And that's if the initial reprimand wasn't just to dismiss you. Dishonorable discharge."

"Kaidan."

"Look. Ultimately, it's fine. As it should be."

"Does she want to be with you?"

"I—I don't know. She knows where I stand."

"Which is?"

"Mom!" Kaidan sat upright. "I shouldn't even be talking about this stuff. Imagine if Dad were here. He'd be mortified. Probably ask himself how he could raise me to do something so stupid. It just … it didn't matter at the time. There wasn't a future to worry about."

His mom pressed her lips together and rubbed a circle on his back.

"I'm fine though." He pulled away. Her hand dropped. "I just need time to – like I said – process this."

"Kaidan …"

Footsteps reverberated down the stairs. Kate's voice.

"Kaidan, what's with the bags? You—"

His mom looked back at her sharply. Kaidan fixed his eyes ahead on the window. He watched his mom out of the side of his eye. At least, she wasn't mouthing anything. Her lips twisted as she gave Kate a nod.

"Grandma?" Maddy's voice came from above.

Little footsteps tapped down the stairs. Kaidan straightened, took a breath, and turned to the stairs. Kate already had her back to them looking up the stairs. Small red galoshes peeked from the top of the doorway. Kate made an ushering motion and moved up the stairs.

"Maddy, come help me with something." Kate's voice faded out.

The upstairs' door closed. His mom turned back and touched his knee.

"Kaidan, hey. Look at me. You know, your dad and I are … were …" She took a breath.

"Mom." Kaidan put an arm around her.

She smiled. "We were and are proud of you, you know."

"I know."

"But, you know why?"

"Of course."

"It's not just your service."

"I know that, Mom."

"We are proud of you for the man you've become. Yes, we - okay, especially your dad – were proud when you joined. We're proud of each commendation, each promotion. Proud of what you did on the Citadel. He'd be proud of what you did in the war, being a Spectre. But …" She twisted to really look at him. "But … we're more proud of who you are. Who you've become. Your dad was more proud of how responsible and kind and good you are than all the promotions and commendations you could ever earn. If we were proud of those, it was because it represented the person you were becoming. That's what made him proud and me too."

Kaidan squeezed her shoulder. "Thanks, Mom. That means a lot."

"And forget what Henry said." She rolled her glistening eyes.

"Already have." Kaidan handed her the tissue box off the table. "If Shepard was here, she'd kick his ass all the way to the Terminus System. Makes me feel better just thinking about it."

"Careful." His mom glanced backward. "The kids."

"The door's closed. Besides, they live with Kate. They're already screwed."

"Kaidan." She shook her head and plucked a Kleenex out.

Kaidan set the box back. He kissed her forehead and stood up.

"I have to go."

"What do you mean?" She frowned. "You're leaving tomorrow morning."

"I need to leave now. I'm sorry."

She stood up. "Why? It was that call earlier?"

"I'm needed back at Alliance Headquarters in Vancouver."

"You could come back for the night."

"It's not worth it. I needed to leave early anyway. I have a few things to wrap up at Headquarters before we deploy. This just gives me more time."

"Fine." She pulled him into a hug. "How long this time?"

"Few months maybe, then something longer. I'll be back on leave before that though."

"But I won't hear from you until then?"

"Probably not," he conceded and pulled away. "I'll go say good bye."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Vancouver's familiar cityscape closed in around Kaidan's shuttle. So much destruction, but parts were being rebuilt. It was still beautiful. The datapad in his hand beeped and a little blinked in the corner. The shuttle pilot glanced back at him before turning back to the city. There were a lot of messages to catch up on. One weekend on leave, and you came back to a mountain of reports and correspondence. He needed to get a lot in order before hist shuttle to Tokyo. He'd been crazy thinking he'd get it all done the morning before his flight. Fortuitous really, in the end, that Liara had contacted him.

The bay spread with a gray sheen out on Kaidan's right. They were nearing headquarters. Kadian punched up another message in the string of unopened. Another intelligence update on the Scorpion. More rumors of something big, some strike, in the works. Kaidan's throat became dry. If they only knew what Terra Firma was planning. Restoration of the relays was shortening the time table. They'd strike before the alien's left. Kaidan just had to push harder, follow the right leads, map it out but follow his gut. All the activity in Tokyo, they were bound to find something. His marines were up for it.

He went to the next message. The Shields, an anti-human turien group, had struck the Alliance Weapons Reserve in Toronto. Nine soldier's dead, missing supplies, two incendiary warheads, one nuclear warhead. Kaidan's eyebrows drew together. The nuclear warhead sounded massive. Maybe the Shield planned to use it against Terra Firma, but your enemy's enemy being your friend didn't seem to work with terrorists. The Shield would probably destroy any number of lives to take out even a small sect of Terra Firma operatives. This was big news. His mind raced. This wasn't helping his headache, and he took a deep breath. This one wasn't for him to fix.

He had to focus on Terra Firma and the Scorpion. If Cerberus could unravel with the illusive Man's death, removing the Scorpion may be the key in defusing Terra Firma and its Cerberus defects. They just had to follow the affiliates they'd identified in civilian and Alliance roles. He'd follow the leads in Tokyo, watch the targets. If they did something catastrophic under monitoring though … the thought chilled him. Even if it was something small, one innocent death, it would be too much. Letting all these operatives roam free hoping they'd lead to the Scorpion kept him up at night. They were hard decisions, but all worth it if they could find the head. Terra Firma undoubtably had more in the works than the final set piece.

His mind always turned to Shepard. She was a huge target, maybe topped their list. Kaidan lowered the datapad in his lap and leaned his head back. She was right. She was too high profile to not have every misstep scrutinized and used against her. If they had continued … He was an idiot to have gone to her room. They could be embroiled in an overblown, very publicized court martial right now. It would be a smear campaign, detracting and undermining what she stood for, diverting away from her message at the Summit. News vids, crowds, and the public eye suddenly confronted with her humanness and fallibility. Then, if she died, maybe she wasn't a martyr stirring up an outraged public lash back. She would just be a person, a celebrity, someone in the gossip rags, not the icon championing unity, even to the point of assassination. No, it was good she'd cut it off. Wise. Wiser than him. But he loved her, and it still hurt.

The shuttle slowed and lowered onto one of landing platform. Kaidan powered off the datapad and shoved it into his bag. The pilot was one of Liara's people. Kaidan thanked him and climbed out the shuttle door. A blast of cold, wet air off the ocean hit him. He crossed the landing pad with puddles sloshing under his feet. A glass door speckled with rain droplets slid apart, and he entered. The pilot had chosen an out of the way landing pad at the HQ complex, but there were crowds no matter where you came in. The crowd engulfed him. Some turiens and a couple of quarians slipped around him headed opposite directions. There were a lot more aliens here than usual. The Summit was getting close. Kaidan need to find Rear Admiral Tack to see about- He stopped short.

"Liara?"

She dashed between two asaris arguing in the middle of the hall. She looked right at Kaidan taking long, fast steps.

"What's going on?" He moved to meet her.

"Kaidan, you came."

"Of course. You sent the—"

"You're later than I hoped."

Kaidan frowned. "I'm sorry. I took my time leaving. I didn't realize … You didn't let on it was urgent."

"It is. Come one." She darted down the hall.

Kaidan hefted his bag and rushed after her.

"You can leave that with my assistant." Liara glanced back.

The bag lifted off his shoulder from behind. It was the same asari who had answered the call. She nodded encouragingly, and Kaidan let go of the bag. When he turned back to the hall, Liara was already disappearing around the corner. She paused enough to catching his eye before she pushed on down the next hall and out of sight. Kaidan cursed and dodged through the crowd to catch up. A few people lowered their datapads and frowned at him. There she was – ahead but close. He edged along the wall out of the flow of traffic and pushed forward with long, quick strides.

"Where are we going?" he asked catching up to her.

"To the Alliance leadership offices. Then, the Council, if that doesn't work."

"What doesn't work?"

Liara cut left down another hallway. The HQ/Council building was a bustling city itself. She steered them into the commercial sections. Gift shops, arcades, and cafes spread out around them. People buzzed between stalls yelling, laughing, some standing in the middle of foot traffic chatting with each other or into their Omni-Tools. Streams of people rushed in from skycar platforms along the side.

"Liara." Kaidan grabbed her shoulder and stopped.

A turien stumbled against them. Kaidan apologized and pulled Liara out of the flow of traffic. A peddler holding flashing visors came toward them with a smile. His feet faltered, smile falling, as he slowed then steered away. Liara glared after him and turned to Kaidan.

"Liara, come on. You need to tell me what's going on."

A couple of quarians brushed against them. Kaidan leaned in closer to the wall.

"We need to go, Kaidan. It already took too long for you to arrive."

"Look, Liara. I apologized, but if you'd let on for a moment it was this dire …"

"It's the Normandy."

Kaidan's chest tightened. Someone stumbled into them. Kaidan didn't even care.

"What?"

"A distress signal was heard."

"Why didn't you tell me this?"

"Kaidan—"

"Liara! If you had told me …"

She grabbed his arm. "Listen to me. We need to get to the Alliance offices. Now."

"Fine. Let's go."

They plunged back into the crowd. Kaidan pushed through people, looping around benched, and flagging away vendors that jumped in front of them. Kaidan grabbed Liara's wrist as they wedged through a bottle neck of people waiting in line for a skycar.

"We shouldn't have come this way," he muttered pressing through the tight bodies.

"It's the fastest way." She stumbled as they popped out the dense crowd.

Kaidan turned down a hallway off to the side and left the commons. Windows lined the wall across from elevators and doorways. It had fewer people, and they could finally breath. Kaidan hung back a little until Liara came abreast.

"Kaidan, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought if I told you then, by the time you arrived, you would be sick with worry."

"I appreciate that, but you should have told me."

"I … I realized that now."

"I would have come right away."

"I know. I didn't realize—"

"It's all right."

Kaidan indicated left with a tilt of his head, and they rounded a corner down a residential hallway.

"Why didn't you have the pilot drop me off near the offices?"

"Because I didn't want them to see you."

His face scrunched. He glanced over at her.

"What? Why?"

"It's better if they don't have answers prepared. I thought they may try to delay you if they saw you arrive. The landing pads there are watched. Who comes and goes is quick knowledge to anyone paying attention and cares."

"And who is it that cares exactly?"

"I don't know that."

Kaidan slowed. "We're almost there, Liara. Tell me what happened."

"I only know that a signal from the Normandy's distress beacon was picked up by a ship that docked at Gagarin Station. The information was forwarded on to Alliance Command, but that's where it stops. The Council seems unaware, and they've lost communication with the Normandy."

"How long since the signal was picked up?"

"I don't know for certain. Twenty hours since Gagarin alerted the Alliance. But, Kaidan …"

"What?" He frowned over at her as they slid around a group of Alliance soldiers.

"The Council is investigating something. I don't know for sure, but they uncovered messages."

"Messages?"

"Sent through the quantum communicator, embedded in the static transmission signals. Communication not with the Council. Someone's been accessing their systems for pickup and delivery of messages. Over weeks."

Kaidan just grunted and speed up his pace. His run along the river was nothing compared to this drive through headquarters. His chest throbbed. Liara looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

"No one can access that part of the Normandy's quantum comm systems."

"A hacker could," Kaidan said.

"No. It's hardened. Multiple firewalls, fail safes, encoding, and verification through Council comm offices."

"Meaning?"

"The person embedding those messages, it would have to be a Spectre."

Kaidan stopped. "Shepard didn't go rogue."

"I know that. You know that. But the Council has some pieces and the Alliance has the other. No one's talking. As an Alliance soldier and Spectre, you can get more than I've been able to find."

Kaidan plunged down the hall. As they neared brighter lights, the hallway opened into a large glass room with tall entryway doors on the side, the grand entrance to HQ. Potted plants and gray walls enveloped them. Alliance leadership offices and parliament stood directly across the room in its own wing. Guards waited at the entrance with folded arms and eyes roaming the HQ entry hall.

"I'll wait here," Liara said.

Kaidan nodded and hurried across the room. The afternoon sun was already setting over the ocean. Gray light shined straight through the windows into the already overly florescent entrance hall. Kaidan squinted as the glare sharpened the throbbing pain in his head. He came up to the two Alliance guards standing over a desk at the hallway entrance. Kaidan showed his Alliance ID and moved around them. A guard put out his arm.

"Sorry, Major. We need to wait for clearance first."

Kaidan took a step back. "That should take seconds."

"Slow system today."

Liara lingered against the glass on the other side of the entry hall. She folded her arms pressing fingertips to her lips and started pacing. Kaidan glanced over his shoulder, and she frowned at him with a head shake.

Kaidan turned back to the desk. "Ready now?"

"Sorry, Major." The guard tapped his Omni-Tool screen. "System problems here."

Kaidan pushed past them saying a string of numbers and letters. The guard touched the riffle strapped over his chest.

"Hey. You can't—"

"That's my Spectre ID number."

"We'll have to verify that."

"Go ahead, but I'm going into the offices."

"But …"

Kaidan trotted down the marbled hall. The guards didn't follow or shoot him in the back, so it was a good start. Kaidan cut sharp down his first right. A couple of soldiers, looked like a captain and major maybe, wandered down the hall in conversation. They straightened seeing him rush toward them. Kaidan returned the salute and hurried past. Finally, he found the door he was looking for. It slid open to a carpeted reception ahead. A jet-colored A-line twisted to look at him with widening eyes. She stood up from her desk.

"Excuse me. You—"

"I'm going in." Kaidan held up a hand as he passed the desk.

"Hey!" The woman stumbled around the desk.

Kaidan punched the button on the door. Admiral Hackett pushed up from his desk with a deep frown.

"Major, what's going on?"

The assistant's boots tapped up to the doorway beside Kaidan.

"It's fine." Hackett nodded at her.

Kaidan stepped into Hackett's office. He let the doors close before speaking.

"Sorry, Admiral. If it wasn't important—"

"It damn well better be, Alenko."

Hackett charged around the desk to face him. He set his jaw with hard eyes. Kaidan nearly flinched.

"Sir, I got information the Normandy was in distress, but no efforts are underway to investigate it."

Hackett stared at him. "What are you talking about? Where did you hear this?"

"My source is reliable. The distress call came through Gagarin Station passed on from a docking ship."

Hackett turned and paced to his desk in thought. "I can't believe that's true. I haven't heard anything like that."

"Sir, if Gagarin relayed that information to Alliance headquarters, where would it go?"

"I suppose, to Commander Shepard's supervising officer who's overseeing the mission."

"Then you—"

"Not me. She's under Admiral Wilson."

Kaidan stopped short. His brow wrinkled, and he glanced over his shoulder at the office door. He turned back and met Admiral Hackett's eye.

"Then, Admiral, may I be excused?"

"So you can burst in on him next, I suppose, Alenko?"

Kaidan hesitated. "Yes. Admiral," he said.

Admiral Hackett raised his eyebrows. He turned away with a sigh and waved Kaidan off.

"Second door to your right. This could have repercussions for you."

Kaidan backed up. "Thank you, sir." He punched the door's open button and then paused. He looked back suddenly. "And, I'm sorry, Admiral."

"You'd better go." Admiral Hackett waved him off again, sat down, and punched up the screen on his computer. "Let me look into this too."

Kaidan rushed down the hallway and turned at the second door to his right. This time the assistant was up from his desk talking to a well-manicured man with deep set eyes. The assistant well-teased hair bounced as he tossed his head around to see the intruder. He put his hands on his hips and gave Kaidan a dimpled smirk. The man talking to the assistant stopped mid-sentencing assessing Kaidan with a burn to his eyes. His eyes followed Kaidan as he edged around the man. Wait, that uniform. Kaidan stopped at the admiral's office door and backtracked on his heels.

"Admiral Wilson?"

The man's sizzling eyes narrowed. "And you are …?"

"Major Kaidan Alenko."

Kaidan saluted him. Wilson stared at him for a hard moment before returning a quick, abbreviated salute.

"Did you have an appointment to see me, Major?"

"No, sir."

"I assume that's why came tearing through here on your way to my office and not stopping to consult with my assistant first?"

Kaidan swallowed but tried to stand straight under the withering stare. This was Shepard's supervising officer? Damn. The assistant sauntered to his desk. He raised an eyebrow at Kaidan as a corner of his lip curled up.

"Well?" Wilson demanded.

Kaidan snapped his attention back to the admiral.

"Yes, sir. I need to talk to you."

"Mirrez will help you make an appointment."

Wilson stepped to his office door.

"Admiral …"

"Appointment!" Wilson whipped around and held up a finger. "Your insubordinate manner here is—"

"Let's talk about the Normandy."

Wilson stared at him. He glanced at his assistant before turning back to Kaidan and straightening his shoulders.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Please, Admiral …"

"Very well." Admiral Wilson turned to his assistant. "Mirrez, hold any appointments." He eyed Kaidan. "This won't take very long."

The door opened to Wilson's office, and he waved Kaidan inside.

"Take a seat," Wilson said as the door closed.

Kaidan walked to one of the chairs in front of Wilson's desk, but Admiral Wilson stayed standing in front of the closed doors with crossed his arms. Apparently, he wasn't planning on moving into the room any further.

"Sit." He motioned again.

Kaidan held his eye. It was probably best not to antagonize him any more than needed. Wilson would only dig in his heels in deeper if Kaidan made it into a power play. Kaidan turned the chair around and sat.

"Now, what is so pressing that you charged in here? I don't even know who the hell you are. If you were one of my direct subordinates, you'd be on lap one out of a hundred around this building. You say you're a major. I can't imagine how."

Best to just get the dressing down out of the way.

"I'm sorry, sir," Kaidan said. "I recognize this is a little rash."

The admiral glared hard at him. Kaidan keep his eyes down. He studied his hands waiting under the heat of Wilson's glare. The admiral came forward with arms still crossed and loomed over Kaidan for a few seconds. Finally, he dropped his arms and moved to the side of his desk.

"What do you want?" he snapped.

Kaidan raised his head.

"Sir, the Normandy—"

"Is none of your concern, Major."

"I was told a distress signal from the Normandy was heard by a ship docking at Gagarin."

"You believe everything you hear, Major?"

Any other time, that might have made Kaidan grin. Of course, he believed everything he heard. Additionally, if all his friends jumped off a cliff, he would too. Wilson nudged a lamp over and sat partway on the corner of his desk. He stared at Kaidan.

"No, sir," Kaidan said.

"Then you're wasting my time."

"Admiral, you're telling me a recent distress signal was _not_ relayed through Gagarin Station?"

"I'm telling you, Major, you're wasting my time."

"But, sir, you're not answering my question. That's all I want to know, then I'll go."

Wilson shot to his feet and slammed a fist on the desk. The lamp wobbled and a picture frame fell face. A datapad rolled over a few loose pens and crashed on the floor. Kaidan squinted at the bottom of the tipped-over picture frame. Wilson stepped in front of him and filled his vision. He leaned down gripping the chair's arm rests and put his face even with Kaidan's. Kaidan frowned. He tried to look around him at the picture frame again, but Wilson snapped a finger in his face.

"The Normandy's mission and happenings under my command are none of your concern. Your asking about it is out of line, Soldier. This entire encounter has been unseemly, unprofessional, and highly inappropriate."

Wilson shoved off the armrest and looked down on Kaidan.

"That mission and everything associated with it is classified."

Kaidan's eyes shot back to the picture frame. Yes, there it was on the bottom of the frame.

"Get out." Admiral Wilson strode to the door expectantly. "Immediately, Major."

Kaidan lifted himself out of the chair. He hovered over the desk and pulled a thin silver disk off the bottom of the picture frame. It was the size of a finger print, and Kaidan turned it over in his hand.

"I will escalate this," Wilson said.

"I'll leave." Kaidan turned curling his fist around the disk and stuffing it in his pocket.

"Now, Alenko."

Admiral Wilson drew himself taller and waited as Kaidan drew near. The door's open button glowed, and Wilson moved to push it. Kaidan put a hand out and blocked him. Wilson's eyes strained wide with fire, red rising up his neck, and his mouth opened. Kaidan rushed to speak.

"As an Alliance soldier, Admiral, I will dutifully leave, but as a Spectre …" Admiral Wilson's face hardened, eyes sharpening with an icy glint. Kaidan swallowed. A faded spot grew on the left side of his peripheral vision, a migraine aura. He'd better hurry. Kaidan tried to keep his voice strong. "As a Spectre, I will respectfully have to decline and request to see those classified files."

Admiral Wilson's Adam's apple moved. "I'm afraid—"

"No." Kaidan took a step toward him. He kept his voice low and even. "I will see those files, Admiral."

Wilson raised his head high. "I'm afraid there will be red tape to process that request. Once clearance—"

"No. Give me access now."

"Impossible. The forms—"

"I will fill them all out afterward. You have my word."

Admiral Wilson glanced between the desk and his door. He crossed his arms and looked at Kaidan.

"How do I even know you're a Spectre?"

"You're only asking now?" Kaidan said. "You know who I am, clearly you do. You would've said something straight off otherwise, not waited until now."

"I was too shocked by such a preposterous assertion. We only have one human Spectre that I remember. This will need—"

"You know there are two, Shepard and me. That information went out to everyone. You're here on Earth, communication's reestablished, there's no reason you wouldn't know that." Kaidan turned on his Omni-Tool. "Give me access, or I'll have you detained by the Council and questioned."

Kaidan was pretty sure he could do that. The dawning horror on Admiral Wilson's face validated it. Kaidan was a Spectre, of course, he could detain him. Granted, the fallout from such an action could be a nightmare. He may never live it down - arresting an Alliance admiral all for digging in his heels when he wanted the proper forms filled out. If those forms were real, Wilson probably didn't really know anything about them. Refusing to hand over information to a Spectre, it should be good enough grounds.

"Fine," Wilson snapped.

He shoved around Kaidan and brought up the holodisplay on his desk. Kaidan hung over his shoulder as Wilson moved screens and punched in a code. Finally, he stepped back and waved a hand out at the terminal. Kaidan bent down touching the screen and scrolled through some windows. He looked back at Admiral Wilson.

"Give me the master key to this terminal."

"There's no need—"

"Right now. Any more delays, and I will summon someone from the Council to collect you. Then I will hack this computer myself and get the information anyway."

Wilson's arm pushed Kaidan aside, and he brought up the input screen himself. A cursor blinked as Wilson reached for the keyboard. Kaidan grabbed his arm and pushed him back from the terminal.

"Not what I meant. Don't punch it in, tell it to me."

Wilson's nostrils flared, and he hesitated. Kaidan turned on his Omni-Tool. Wilson blurted out a string of numbers. Kaidan typed it in. The screen accepted it.

"Why don't you pull up a chair." Kaidan motioned at him.

"Why?"

Kaidan sat in the leather desk chair and pulled the desk's terminal closer.

"I have your master key. I have no reason to not want you sitting in a detention cell."

Wilson stormed around the desk, grabbed a chair, and drug it around. The chair slapped onto the floor directly behind Kaidan. He sat down. A chill ran up the back of Kaidan's neck as he tried to concentrate. If the admiral didn't want arrested for just withholding information, then he wouldn't be keen to get involved in a murder investigation. Hard to pass off shooting someone in the back of the head as self-defense. Still …

Kaidan right the picture frame and angled it to catch Admiral Wilson's reflection. Wilson's firry face superimposed a picture of a young man in dress blues receiving a medal on his lapel. Admiral Wilson himself no doubt. Fitting. For a moment when Kaidan righted the picture, he'd been afraid he'd see pigtailed twins hugging a puppy or something. Would have made Kaidan feel bad. This though? Damn. He kept a picture of himself on his desk.

"Navy star?" Kaidan asked.

Wilson's reflection shifted his eyes to the picture frame.

"Solitaire Medal."

Solitaire medal? Shepard had one for Akuz where her unit had been wiped out. Kaidan's fingers paused on the screen, and he looked over at the picture. No, he needed to focus. The chair creaked behind Kaidan as Wilson shifted forward watching the holoscreen. Kaidan picked up a datapad laying next to his feet and shoved it at Admiral Wilson. Wilson took it with a frown and slow movement.

"Write down all your passwords, ID codes, anything you remember."

"You have the master passcode."

Kaidan turned back to the holodisplay. "You know that doesn't get me everywhere."

Kaidan flipped through Wilson's files and pulled up a search field. He typed in "Normandy." Nothing. "Shepard." Nothing.

"What's the case number for the Normandy's mission to Elliom?"

"Elliom? How do you know about that?" Wilson hunched forward.

"Give it to me. I'll find it eventually either way," Kaidan said.

Wilson bit off each number as he said it. His reflection rocked back in his chair, arms folded, and fumed.

"I want ten passcodes listed on that datapad before I'm done or … well, you know."

With a hiss, Wilson turned on the datapad. Kaidan typed the case number into the search field. Rows of files and reports filled the screen, and Kaidan sorted by date. The datapad lowered in Wilson's hand as watched over Kaidan's shoulder. A file with a date and time stamp of the night before made Kaidan scooted forward in his chair. Wilson's reflection shot up straight and tapped his fingers erratically on the chair's armrest. He strained his neck to see the screen. Finally, the admiral was being helpful. Not intentionally, but still helpful. Obviously, there was something here.

Kaidan clicked on the file and opened up a page of documents. Everything on this computer could be valuable. Nothing said Kaidan couldn't confiscate an admiral's computer, but there'd probably be more blowback from the Alliance than he wanted to deal with. Kaidan pulled a data transfer interface and turned on his Omni-Tool. A bar glowed showing the data transfer's progress. Kaidan scrolled through the files coming across his Omni-Tool. The information was coming through all right.

He swiveled to face Wilson. Wilson sat back in his chair looking out the window dim with twilight. Kaidan snatched away the datapad. Wilson jumped.

"Three is not ten." Kaidan handed it back and stood.

Wilson shrugged and dropped it with a thud on the floor by his chair. Kaidan's finger moved around the screen of his Omni-Tool as he walked to the office door. The assistant's head snapped up from playing around on his flashy-looking Omni-Tool. His eyes widened as he took in Kaidan and looked past at Wilson.

"Admiral?" he said.

"He's okay," Kaidan said leaning against the open doorway.

He scrolled around on his Omni-Tool. Sent. Sent. Sent. The admiral's chair creaked as he leaned forward to see past Kaidan to the main door. Wilson rubbed his neck as his face fell with each passing minute Kaidan didn't leave. A pair of footsteps echoed up to the reception room's door. Kaidan stood away from the doorframe as the doors slid apart. His headache sharpened with the movement.

"Major Alenko."

"Commander Bailey."

Bailey and a reedy looking C-Sec officer came in. Wilson's assistant jumped up from his seat and put a hand on his hip.

"What's this?" He whirled his head to Kaidan and pursed his lips.

"That him?" Bailey pointed into the office.

Wilson melted into his chair. Kaidan nodded.

"Yes. I know it will cause a stir."

"I'd say." Bailey chuckled then shrugged. "Okay. After you, Yake."

"I'll follow up in a few hours. Until then, blame me," Kaidan said.

Bailey barked a laugh. "Better believe I will."

"Take the back halls out," Kaidan said. "No need to parade him through the main entrance. I need to go."

Kaidan strode to the reception room's door. The assistant cocked his head following Kaidan with a pointed, bug-eyed stare.

"Better reschedule his appointments," Kaidan said and passed through the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Admiral Hackett strode briskly up the hallway with a hard cast to his face. His eyes fixed on Kaidan. Wilson's office door close behind him. He braced himself.

"Sir."

"Major, just read the file you sent. Well, skimmed. Let's go."

He motioned for Kaidan to follow and turned on his heel going back the way he'd just come. Kaidan caught up with him, and Hackett glanced over.

"I wasn't finding much, then caught the right person in the messaging center. He worked last night, said a message came through from Gagarin. It went straight to Wilson. He told the technician to reply back to the station saying the beacon transmission was an error, dismiss it. Between Wilson and the technician, I don't think anyone else knew about it. How did you know?"

"Someone on Gagarin knew, and someone on the ship that docked."

Hackett frowned. "Still, how did you … well, it doesn't matter. I got your email right after I heard from the message center's technician. Where else did you send those files?"

"The Councilors."

"All of them?"

Kaidan nodded. "It was a Council mission, correct?"

"A joint mission, yes." Admiral Wilson eyed him. "You seem very well informed, Major."

"I just read several of the admiral's files. They—"

"You were informed before that."

Hackett stared straight ahead with a tense jaw. They walked in silence finally coming around the corner into the main marbled hallway of the leadership wing. The aura was long gone, but now the deep sharp pounding was starting to deepen. A slender figure sitting by the dark windows across the entry hall stood up at seeing them. Admiral Hackett slowed and put an arm out in front of Kaidan. It brought Kaidan to a stumbling stop. He stepped back meeting the admiral's eye. Hackett glanced around them. The sun down and evening closing in, the halls spread out emptily, except for the two guards ahead of them at the entrance desk.

"Alenko …" Hackett sighed and rubbing a hand along his jaw. He straightened and met Kaidan's eye. "I'm going to be honest with you. Off the record."

Kaidan crossed his arms but didn't look away. "All right."

"Everyone knows - the Alliance Parliament, Council leaders - the rumors. What I'm saying is this – this is going to be too personal."

"I'm the other Spectre."

"Human Spectre. There are other Spectres."

Kaidan shrugged but gave a nod. Hackett studied him.

"You need to let them handle this. Wait." Hackett held up a hand to stop Kaidan from speaking. "I'm talking about when the time comes. Not this instant, but the time will come."

Kaidan strained to keep his eyes focused over the drubbing in his head. He gave another firm node. "We should … the Council …"

Hackett put his hand up again. "Last thing. Listen, Alenko … Kaidan."

Kaidan flinched, chest fluttering. Oh no.

"Just listen to me." He put a hand on Kaidan's arm. "This is off the record. Don't look so terrified. You have to know that I know, right? You do know what I'm talking about right now?"

Hackett waited. Kaidan touched his temple, clammy and pulsing. Liara paced in the distance. Kaidan's eyes shifted back to the admiral, and he dropped his hand.

"Yes."

Hackett nodded and held his eye. "I am telling you now as someone with some perspective on the Alliance Parliament, the leadership. If that isn't ended—"

"It is."

Hackett paused. Kaidan's eyes dropped.

"Then, good. Keep it that way. Don't let it look otherwise. That warning isn't from me. I just want to look out for you, both of you. You're fine soldiers, some of our best. I imagine in a few decades, both of you will have earned your way into some of the highest positions in the Alliance. Don't throw everything away. You're a careful person, Kaidan. I've seen this about you. Be careful about this as much as you have ever been. They're watching."

Hackett caught his eye. He held it for a moment and then turned down the hall toward the entrance hall. Kaidan's throat tasted like bile. Hell, he felt sick. He shuffled after the admiral. His whole body throbbed with pressure in his head. His thoughts, everything, was becoming disjointed.

"Come on, Major." Hackett slowed for Kaidan to walk alongside him. "Take some time before we get to the Council Chamber. I know what I said shook you."

Kaidan clamped down on his breathing and tried to concentrate. He put a hand on his forehead again – burning, slick, pulsing. Pain shot branching and bursting through his skull. He stumbled. Hackett frowned and opened his mouth to say something.

"I get headaches. I just – I'm fine," Kaidan said. "Sorry, Admiral."

"It's okay," Hackett said slowly then licked his lips. "Just, take a break. The Councilors need to convene. It will take a while to gather everyone and get up to speed. I'll just meet you there."

He patted Kaidan's arm and left. Hackett raised a hand to the guards and continued across the glass entrance area. Liara had crossed the entrance hall and paced just beyond the desk. She watched Hackett pass and stood on the balls of her feet to look down the hall at Kaidan. Kaidan just needed to concentrate on breathing. Pain split through his head even down into his jaw. He closed his eyes for a moment and held his forehead as it throbbed. He should take something, but Liara's assistant had his bags.

The light fluoresced fast and flickering. Everything swirled unsteadily around him as the world shifted between sharp and blurry. Liara paced swinging her arms but stopped when she saw him looking at her. She glanced sideways at the two guards as they leaned together grinning at her. She turning back to Kaidan and raised a hand to beckon him.

He should have told her not to wait. Told her he'd find her afterward. But she probably wouldn't have gone. It would have wasted time even proposing it. Hell, he was putting it off. He couldn't just linger here forever. Boots echoed somewhere in a distant hall behind him, but it was enough to finally move Kaidan stumbling forward. Liara met him at the end of the hallway.

"By the goddess …"

"I have a migraine."

"By the goddess," she repeated. "Here, here."

She drew something from her pocket and shoved it into his hand. He stared at his palm as two green capsules rolled together. How did she … It didn't matter. Kaidan tossed them in his mouth and swallowed. The room burned so bright and hot. The tall glass doors of the entry hall loomed on his right. He staggered as he cut toward them. He'd never actually gone through the official HQ entrance. The two-story glass and metal panels slid apart as Liara hovered at his side. They passed through another set of sliding doors and went outside.

A cold wind off the ocean stung his face scented with rain and asphalt. Mist sprinkled in the darkness. Overhead lights lining the wide cement staircase spilled a thin, pale light, and in the distance below, the city glinted mutely with moving skycars and glass skyscrapers. Even with the glare of the entry hall behind them, this was a relief.

Kaidan staggered sideways down the steps. He fumbled for the waist-high edge of a long stone planter box. Ivy draped the trunks of maple tree and spilled over the planter's rim. It caught in his fingers as his hand slid along the smooth, cool stone rounding the corner. The city spread out below with the florescent windows to his back behind the planter's trees. He slid his back down the damp stone and sank into the shadows. The stairs stood empty in the dark drizzle. Everyone was probably home or headed that way.

He buried his face in his hands and just breathed. Liara stepped over him and slid down next to him. His left side warmed as she sat against him. She didn't say anything. For all her presumably anxious waiting, she sat silent now. He listened to her breathing – calm, slow. He tried to match it. Rain sprinkled softly making small taps on the cement. Time passed as he just breathed and listened to the rain.

After a while, he lowered his hands. He cracked his eyes open and took slow, deep breaths. He turned to Liara. She reached over and took his left hand in hers. Water droplets fringed her eyelashes and beaded down her face.

"I'm feeling better," he said.

She gave a small smile. "A bad one?"

"Yeah."

It still hurt like hell, but less sharp, more of a deep throbbing. His thoughts still felt jumbled, and now he felt tired from the medicine too. Focusing on anything too deep was going to be useless, but things were starting to make sense again and he could make decisions instead of just reacting. He drew in a deep breath of misty air.

"What happened? You were gone a very long time," Liara said.

With as few words as he could, he told her about Admiral Wilson – the evasiveness, his ordering Kaidan out of his office, and Kaidan considering whether to push harder or go back to Hackett. The story felt disjointed in translation, but she seemed to follow it well enough.

"Liara, I saw it. Bottom of a picture frame on his desk. This."

Kaidan held up the thin metal disk from his pocket.

Liara took it from him and turned it over in her fingers. "Surveillance equipment, but this is unique, so thin. This marking on the inside. You knew what it was?"

"Yeah." Kaidan swallowed and dropped his head back against the stone. "Seen it dozens of times. Find them hidden on Terra Firma operatives or their targets. Information probably goes straight to the Scorpion."

"The Scorpion? That's an animal here on Earth?"

"Yes, but code name for Terra Firma's leader. Their cells were disorganized. This person, whoever it is, appeared a year ago. Keeps tight reins on the panel of leaders. We've found that listening technology on higher level Terra Firma leaders. Being monitored, didn't even know it."

Liara looked down at the disk. "That's what I would do too. The ones right under you are the biggest threat. To stay on top, you have to be a step ahead." Kaidan regarded her out of the corner of his eye. She looked up. "How do you know they weren't monitoring an Alliance admiral just because he's an Alliance admiral?"

"I don't know. It could be, but it was a tie to Terra Firma. It made up my mind."

By the time he finished telling Liara about Admiral Wilson, Kaidan really was starting to feel more coherent again. The nausea that had been rising as he stumbled out was gone. The pain was there, but tolerable. The light was going to kill him when he went back inside.

"You talked to Admiral Hackett in the hallway. It seemed upsetting."

"It was nothing," Kaidan said. "The Council's gathering to discuss this. I'm supposed to meet him there."

"You're wet though."

Kaidan touched his uniform. Soggy.

"Where's my bag?"

"My assistant will bring it to your quarters."

"Thanks."

Liara turned on her Omni-Tool. "I'll check with Benna."

"Liara," Kaidan said, and she looked over. "I downloaded files from Wilson's work terminal. The Council has professionals who can process this data, only …"

"You're not sure if you can trust them?"

"Yes."

Kaidan hesitated. Liara watched him.

"You're not sure if you can trust me with it either though."

"Can I, Liara?"

"How can you even ask me that?"

"You know your people, Liara, whether they're trustworthy. If I give this to you, I'm giving it to Liara, my friend, not the Shadow Broker."

A hard line deepened in her brow. She pressed lips and stood up.

"I guess, you don't know me after all, Kaidan."

"This is serious, Liara. Tell me this data won't go anywhere but between us."

Liara exhaled and looked toward the city lights. "I'm surprised. I guess, I don't know you either."

"Liara." Kaidan lifted to his feet and tested his balance. "I'm sorry. This is just business."

"Very well," Liara cut in sharply. "You want a promise, you have one. If that is adequate, I will work on sorting the data myself."

Kaidan paused watching her profile. She folded her arms and didn't turn to meet his eyes. He sighed and punched up his Omni-Tool. The light blurred in his vision feeling the glare sharp in his head before he found the right screen. He held his arm out next to Liara. With tight lips, she turned on her own Omni-Tool and held her arm out next to his. The transfer took a minute. The orange light faded on his wrist as his arm dropped and he turned to her.

"Liara …"

"Let's just go."

She moved around him and marched up to the entrance hall's doors. Kaidan trailed along squinted at light from the building. The air inside stifled him - too warm and stuffy. Damp clothing and hair stuck plastered against his clammy skin.

"My assistant brought your bag to your quarters," Liara said facing him. "I will start reviewing the data. Let me know what the Council decides."

Kaidan searched her face.

"Liara …"

"You're probably going to be late."

Kaidan sighed and nodded. "All right."

Liara moved off. Kaidan watched her go as his vision acclimated to the brightness. Water dripped off his arm as he checked his Omni-Tool. Liara was right. He was going to be late.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Kaidan slipped around the corner into to the Council Chamber. The door swished close behind him. Voices argued. The four Councilors sat at the long table in the room's center as Alliance uniforms stood across from them. They gestured and talking over each other. Kaidan slunk down the aisle to them. The voices lulled as faces turned to him.

The asari councilor Tevos stood. "Good. Now, Spectre Alenko is here, he can address some of this."

Three Alliance officers stood next to Hackett. As they turned, Kaidan's steps faltered. Flight Admirals all three, part of the Parliament. Flight Admiral Dumas's eyes burned on him.

"Major Alenko, what is the meaning of this?" his voice boomed. "Detaining an Alliance admiral?"

"He has Spectre authority may I remind you." Tevos pulled her chair up and sat again.

"We are aware of that," Dumas snapped. "But this is an Alliance issue as much as the Council's."

"This is a secondary matter," Councilor Mason said. "It can wait. What we need to discuss is the situation with the Normandy."

"Agree," Sparatus, the turien councilor, said folding his hands on the table and looking down the row at the other Councilors.

"Has a ship been dispatched to investigate?" Mason asked.

"Yes, Councilor," Hackett said. "I sent word an hour ago. The Vespus was switching out freight. She has above average fuel capacity. She's already left to find the distress beacon."

"And the quantum entanglement portal?" Mason asked.

Tevos answered. "Nothing. Still no response."

Kaidan's stomach twisted. He walked up next to Hackett under Dumas's heated stare. Despite spotlighting him when he first came in, he'd yet to be asked anything.

"Alenko." Damn. It was Sparatus. "You were the one that uncovered this. How?"

"I received a tip from a source close to the Shadow Broker."

"Shadow Broker!" one of the flight admirals proclaimed.

Salarian Councilor Ish shook his head and muttered, "Irregular."

"When did the portal lose connection?" Kaidan asked.

"Days ago," Tevos said. "It was a system error. We could see that. Now it won't connect at all, even to recognize a system issue. Our information officers found irregularities."

"Coded messages," Sparatus said. "Hidden in the static signatures. Someone's infiltrated our firewalls to retrieve and send messages back. Sophisticated hacking. No amateur."

"Messages," Dumas said, his focus finally moving off Kaidan. "Messages for who?"

"We can't read them. We don't know," Tevos said. "We're trying to break the code. It may be nothing."

"It's significant or you wouldn't have concealed it from us," Dumas said.

"We didn't conceal it," Tevos nettled. "As it is, it means nothing."

The other flight admirals talked in hushed voices, and Dumas turned speaking fast in a heated whisper.

"Yes, we know the implications of that," Mason finally said, "but we don't know anything. Yet."

"Unless a master hacker was on that side of the portal," Dumas said, "then Spectre credentials are needed to altering messages on the quantum communicator. Multiple Spectre identifiers, I believe."

Tevos opened her mouth then hesitated. The admirals' faces turned to her.

"I won't deny it," Tevos said. "We can confirm that Spectre identification and specific codes were used on that side of the portal to transmit these messages."

Heat flared in Kaidan's face. No one said anything, but more whispering rose among the admirals.

"Someone could have copied that information," Kaidan said.

Dumas whipped his head around to stare at Kaidan. "Major Alenko, don't insult us. You're familiar with the adage of the horse and zebra? You hear hooves outside your door, you can bet on it being a horse, not a zebra."

Kaidan forehead furrowed. He looked sideways at Hackett, but Hackett's expression was guardedly neutral. Ish was frowning too. He brought up the screen on his Omni-Tool.

"We shouldn't rule anything out," Kaidan said finally. "We don't know what happened yet."

Ish snorted and bobbed his head. "Yes, yes, quite right. Zebras rare species compared to common domesticated horse. Both have hooves, meaning most likely explanations the better bet. This makes sense. But," he considered, "not enough data for evaluating the causes when still ignorant of the effect."

"Now, to my real questions here." Mason adjusted himself in his seat and stared at the huddle of admirals. "Why weren't we alerted to the Normandy's distress signal? The report forwarded to us by Spectre Alenko showed that the signal was received last night. Admiral Wilson was obviously aware since that message was retrieved from his computer."

Dumas's spine straightened. "We were all aware of the distress call, Councilors."

Kaidan's brow furrowed. He still had a migraine overlying everything, but he repeated the words to himself again. Hackett's round eyes seemed to suggest Kaidan had heard correctly.

"Admirals," Hackett took a step toward them,"you were aware?"

"Some of us," Dumas said curtly. "I was aware. I told Admiral Wilson to disregard it."

"That came from you?" Hackett repeated.

"Yes." Dumas glared at Hackett. The other two flight admirals looked equally perturbed by Hackett's questions.

"Why would you disregard it?" Tevos breathed out heatedly. "This is a joint mission, we should have been updated."

"Joint mission?" Dumas huffed. "Why weren't we told about communication cutting off on this 'joint mission?'"

"This is counterproductive," Ilk sighed. "Rehashing previous topics. It's inefficient."

"Admiral Dumas was making an important point," one of the flight admirals growled at the councilor.

"I have documents that I can provide," Dumas walked up to the Councilors's table. "I've had them complied and already submitted them to you for review. The Normandy's distress beacon malfunctioned numerous times prior to and during the mission. The diagnostic reports confirm ongoing issues with it. When I received information on the signal and considering the location indicated by the receiving ship, it was a natural conclusion that it was false positive. It was received completely off course from the submitted flight plan."

Mason leaned forward over the desk and exhaled. "That is concerning. If not for the QEC signal changing from error to complete blackout that, if it's true, wouldn't be an unreasonable conclusion."

"Agreed," Ilk said. "I will review these documents. Have our information security team examine them in-depth."

Tevos eyed Kaidan. "If Admiral Wilson was ordered to dismiss the warning, he may not be in the wrong."

Kaidan folded his arms. "He refused to cooperate."

Dumas swung around then stormed over to him. "I ordered him! Me and other members of your Alliance Parliament, Major Alenko. We discussed it, we reviewed it, we issued orders. By not immediately divulging the information for a request that needed to come to us, he acting as a proper Alliance officer should act."

Kaidan almost took a step back but stopped himself. Hackett's eye moved between them, mouth tightening.

Sparatus sighed. "This is an Alliance matters."

"Agreed," Ilk said. "A waste of our time here."

"How long until the Vespus reaches the beacon, Admiral Hackett?" Tevos asked.

"The signal was deep in space," Hackett said. "Two to three days at FLT. The beacon will have drifted. Downloading the beacon's travel data will give us a radaius, but we'll still need to find the ship itself."

"Or ship remains," Ilk murmured. "Pirate activity, unlikely in deep space though. Slaver activity, rachni, unknown factors. Still, with encrypted messages and off course, likely not an attack. Horse not the zebra."

The conversation turned to Normandy's diagnostic reports, last check-ins, and maintenance records. Kaidan exhaled a rush of air and touched his fingertips to his temple. He needed to get out of the bright lights. It was probably almost morning. A few hours and he'd be on his way to Tokyo. Most of his team was already there waiting for him.

The meeting seemed to be coming to a close. Sparatus stood up with a sigh as Dumas walked over to the other admirals. Kaidan considered mentioning the listening device he'd found in Wilson's office. Like Liara said though, maybe it wasn't to monitor an operative as much as just gathering information in general. An admiral's office would always be a good target, especially if Wilson's if Terra Firma was curious about Shepard or the Elliom mission. Perhaps it meant nothing, or perhaps, there was something larger at work. The flight admirals turned from their huddle. Their eyes regarded Kaidan's coolly.

"We're adjourned," Mason said. "Keep us updated, Admirals."

"Certainly," Hackett inclined his head.

"Alenko," Dumas called and stared at him expectantly.

Kaidan walked over. Hackett fell in beside him, and the Flight Admirals faced them.

"Release Admiral Wilson from your custody," Dumas said.

"Very well," Kaidan agreed.

He couldn't keep Wilson forever, and this new information was enough on its own. Kaidan's head was killing him. He just to get out of here, but he couldn't even head back to his room to lie down. Time was ticking down and there was too much to prepare.

"Alliance Parliament will review this … incident," Dumas said.

"Major Alenko is due in Tokyo today, Admirals," Hackett said.

"Well, now he's due here for a couple of days," Dumas said. "Alenko will catch a later flight. Release Admiral Wilson, and be expecting an invitation to review this with us, Major."

One of the flight admirals smiled mirthlessly at Kaidan. "I would consider retaining counsel, Major."

Kaidan stared at her as his stomach knotted.

"You're not leaving until this is settled," Dumas said. "Parliament will tell you when that is."

"The Tokyo Terra Firma operation," Hackett said, "there are important leads. We know something is being planned. With the Summit and the relays nearing completion, this is an Alliance and Council priority. Major Alenko has experience in tracking their movements, and his biotic division has been invaluable in infiltrating some of the deeper cells, especially the ones composed of Cerberus agents with their upgraded technology. His background with the Scorpion …"

"Maybe that should've been the Major's priority instead of storming the Alliance leadership wing and throwing an admiral into detention. But then, when it comes to the Normandy, perhaps the Major's priorities don't align with the Alliance's. Could be that there's a reason for regulations, hm, Alenko?"

Kaidan's breath froze in his lungs. Dumas smirked. Everyone did know then. Hackett was right.

"Well?" Dumas said. "You seem a little speechless, Major. Long night maybe. Turning over tables and raising hell can do that, I'm sure. But in a while here, you'll be in front of Parliament, just an Alliance soldier justifying his action. We'll see where that ruckus gets you, won't we? You're keeping your ass planted here until this gets sorted out." Dumas turned to leave but then paused. He looked back at Kaidan. "It's almost morning, Major. I'd figure out what you're going to do exactly to work this out for your team. Explain to them why they're making up for your mistake and mixed-up priorities, for thinking with something else instead of your head. Keep your inbox open."

He stormed down a side aisle to the exit. Kaidan's ribs constricted his lungs as he watched the retreating backs of Flight Admirals. He rubbed his temple. Hackett stood rigidly with eyes fixed on the Flight Admirals' exited. He glanced over at Kaidan.

Kaidan folded his arms. "I'm a Spectre."

"That's …" Hackett rolled his lips and shook his head with a sigh. He met Kaidan's eye. "You'll need a different defense than that."

Kaidan watched Hackett as he turned down an aisle and left through the exit. The room stood empty. Kaidan shuffled to the wall and sank heavily into a chair. Outside the window, the sky lightened with dawn.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When he got Liara's message, Kaidan was partway through teleconference with General Paulston. Commander Travis was certainly capable, but it stung turning over command when they were so close to finding something. They'd narrowed down a hot area, infiltrated some of the shadier locations, planted bugs, made some contacts. One of the warehouses they knew for sure had incendiary material. Kaidan briefed Travis, Paulston, and a few other key players before reviewed the intel from Prague. By the time the conference call ended, the message light on his Omni-Tool had been flashing for nearly two hours.

It took minutes to read. A handful of calls, database searches, Spectre inquiries, and some cross-referencing and Kaidan was sprinting down the hall to the admiral's offices. Hackett sighed coming out his office into the reception area. Kaidan got to his feet.

"I have a debrief on the Borgata Strike," he said.

Kaidan shifted on his feet. He couldn't push his way in again.

"I'll message you then, sir," Kaidan said finally.

Hackett sighed again and looked at the time on the wall.

"Come in. But quick, Major."

Kaidan passed him and turned to Hackett as the door closed.

"Thank you, Admiral. I'll be quick."

"Okay." Hackett nodded.

"I appropriated files from Admiral Wilson's terminal yesterday."

Hackett hissed a long sigh and looked away.

"Alenko …"

"The admiral saw me do it," Kaidan said. "I'm sure it will all be part of whatever hearing they decide to hold. Regardless, there's something important. There's a lot of information, but this stuck out."

Kaidan held out a datapad. Hackett snatched it from him with a pressed lipped frown.

"What is it?"

"A Council request on behalf of the Normandy for information on Langley Station, the personnel there, status."

Hackett shrugged. "That means something to you, I suppose?"

"It's midway from Elliom to Gagarin. When the request was made, the Normandy would have been passing through the general area. Langley would have been a few days off course, if that."

"And?"

"The files Admiral Wilson submitted were tampered with. I've cross referenced them. The information in these files isn't in any files previous to this. In fact, everything I find before this indicates Langley was abandoned. It didn't have any Alliance personnel left, just some research staff who insisted on staying. These Alliance personnel files, the faces and names …"

Kaidan moved shoulder to shoulder with Hackett and touched the datapad to scroll through the personnel.

"These aren't Alliance soldiers. I don't know who they are. The names are from older records, unaccounted for soldiers in the war."

"We had so many unaccounted. I don't think that means anything."

"The faces don't match those names," Kaidan said. "The records are pre-war, but I could find them. Those names aren't these men."

Hackett frowned at him. He stared down at the datapad with deep frown lines.

"The Normandy asked for those files for some reason," Kaidan said. "I think they went off course right after the file transfer and the comm system went down. The Council's comm operators were even asked to verify and resend the information."

"And why would the Normandy go off course to Langley Station?"

Kaidan tapped the datapad in the admiral's hand. "For them. If the commander thought there were stranded soldiers on the station., the Alliance confirmed it, I think they'd go off course to get to them. Whatever went wrong, it had to do with this."

Hackett didn't say anything and just stared at the datapad's page of faces and names.

Kaidan shifted. "I don't think they'll find the Normandy in the search radius they're considering. I saw where the beacon was found. If the Normandy had stayed on course, the beacon shouldn't have drifted that far in the timeframe we're looking at. I think the beacon drifted from the other direction. I think it came from route between Langley and Gagarin. Counting out the number of days, we can get a rough estimate. The Vespus needs to focus there. When it finds the beacon and reads the time data, the projected search zone needs to be the exact opposite direction."

Hackett stared him with bright rounded eyes. He rushed over to his desk, setting the datapad on the edge, and turning on his computer terminal.

"The Vespus is nearly out of comm range," Hackett muttered. "Coppenhagen," he said into the comm on his desk. "Get me Staff Commander Elroy on Gagarin. I need to talk to him right now."

Kaidan stifled the urge to pace as Hackett got Commander Elroy on long range comm. The picture prickled with static, sound cutting in an out, and obvious lag, but it came through. The Vespus was still in communication with the station. Kaidan released a slow breath. That much could be done then. When Admiral Hackett finished, he nodded at Kaidan.

"Good work, Major. Submit this to the Council and file it with the Alliance for internal review. If someone broke into our system, tampered with our files, we need to investigate. You don't know who altered these files, I suppose? How did they get on Wilson's computer?"

"I don't know who. Admiral Wilson fielded the request, and the Alliance databases produced this. I think …" Kaidan paused. It was just conjecture, a feeling even.

"What is it?" Hackett asked.

"I don't know this. The Alliance will need to do a forensic appraisal for the Council, but the reports on the malfunctioning beacon, it doesn't make sense. I think those documents, I know there are a lot of them from all different sources, but I think they may have been edited or superseded. I don't think whoever is behind this wants the Normandy to be found."

"We'll need proof of that. That may be hard to come by with the skill we're seeing demonstrated. Whoever this is, if all that's true, with their ability to alter Alliance intel there's grave implications."

"It takes less skill if there's inside access."

Hackett stood with the desk between them and regarded Kaidan warily.

"You're still suspicious of Admiral Wilson? You have anything to support that?"

Kaidan shrugged then grinned suddenly.

"As I once heard - the horse, not the zebra, right? Makes a lot more sense than some supernaturally skilled hacker getting through all our safeguards."

"Perhaps," Hackett said slowly and leaned forward on his desk with both hands. "This will need an internal investigation, a quiet one. I'm obligated to turn this information over to Parliament. The Langley Station document is obviously suspicious. As for the beacon's documents, they will need to be dissected."

Kaidan nodded. He hadn't expected anything else.

"Major, before you go.," Hackett tapped his fingers on his desk in thought before straightening, "Shepard … she had Cerberus ties."

"No," Kaidan said simply.

They held each other's eyes until Hackett finally cleared his throat and nodded.

"Very well. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. You straightened things out with your teams in Tokyo?"

"Not completely, but we're working something out."

"Good," Hackett nodded. "We can go over it tomorrow afternoon. I want an update. We'll get Commander Travis on the line. You've worked with him? Trust him to step in?"

"I don't know he's not ready for this, but yes, I trust him. If he works closely enough under General Paulston, it may grow something in him. There's potential. He's conservative, doesn't take the openings sometimes, but that can improve with experience."

"Too conservative," Hackett smiled. "From you, Alenko? Maybe not so much anymore."

"Well, not yesterday, sir."

"Set things up then," Hackett said drawing his chair up the desk and sitting. "We'll get things up and going without you. For now. Dismissed, Major."

Kaidan saluted and walked out the reception area. There was a gradient between too conservative and reckless. All this with the Normandy … He was starting not to trust himself. Patience and tact could open more doors than brute force sometimes. That was his way, not all of this chaos. Maybe Shepard was wearing off on him. She did get results, but so could he. He just had to walk the line. If he could find it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Kaidan rolled over again in bed. His window was as dark as when he first lay down. Kaidan reached for his Omni-Tool. It was still too early.

"Damnit."

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the dark ceiling. It had only been four hours since he went to bed. He'd taken some medication, and the room was dark and quiet, but his head wasn't feeling much better. All those hours working with Paulston by teleconference and the debriefing with the Council and Admiral Board had exacerbated this headache he'd had for days now. Still no word from the Vespus. Hell, it had been long enough. The Alliance should have heard something by now. This much time, they should have found it by now and still had time to get back into comm range.

"Shepard."

Nice to say her name aloud. The Normandy and the crew mattered, of course, they did, but it was Shepard that weighed on him. All the discussions about the Normandy, and no one had mentioned her name all week. Maybe her name was so synonymous with the Normandy anymore there was no need.

After everything, here he was again - lying in the dark wondering if she was dead or alive. He'd spent more time mourning her and thinking her dead, than he had ever being with her. By this point, he should be callous. It should be like boy that cried wolf. It wasn't though, each time felt like it was worse than all the times before. At least, there was uncertainty. In one day or several days, he'd be on the Other Side it would either be better or so much worse. He couldn't control the outcome. There was nothing more he could do. Not now anyway. Knowing that, he should sleep. Lying here sleepless, rehashing things was useless. This had never been rational though. He couldn't expect it to be now.

At least, he could focus on something proactive. General Paulston wanted his input on the data cache recovered from the Tekoto operation. There was that poisoning in Nikaryiku he could look into with the seven marines found dead and the databases corrupted. He should be thinking about all of that or the newest assassination. Rear Admiral Greyson was no accident. Kaidan was nearly certain. These things were productive lines of thought.

Kaidan's Omni-Tool lit up the room in an orange glow. He snatched it off the end table by his bed. A message from Admiral Hackett. Kaidan tumbled out of bed, kicking away the covers, and rushing to his dresser. Maybe he wouldn't be waiting another day to know how he'd feel on the Other Side.

XXX

Kaidan plunged down the hall and swung around the corner in the Councilor's wing. He bunched into two NCO's coming the opposite direction. Wide eyes straying to the stripes on Kaidan's uniform, and they saluted.

"Major."

Kaidan saluted back then he circumvented them. He took another corner, and there it was. Flight Admiral Dumas was stepping through the door at the end of hall. He disappeared as the comm room's doors slid shut.

All the Councilors were already there. A mix of Councilors and Alliance brass lined up facing a quantum entanglement portal in the room's corner. Hackett wasn't there yet. Four humans Kaidan didn't recognized moved around the room and appeared to be Council staffers. A ponytailed woman stood beside the QEC, checking the clock on the wall, and surveying the gathering crowd. The door in the back slid open again and Admiral Hackett came through. Admiral Wilson was with him. Kaidan looked away sharply.

Councilor Mason turned to the comm officer. "I think that's all of us."

The comm officer moved to the portal's terminal and inspected a flashing green light. Kaidan stood beside Dumas as Hackett joined them. The comm officer turned around.

"I'm sorry. It's still only pinging."

"What does that mean?" Tevos said.

"If it's only pinging, why were we called?" Sparatus stood at the end of the line circling the platform. He looked down the line at everyone. "We rushed to be here, and it's not even operational yet?"

"Who made this decision?" Isk sighed.

Councilor Mason cleared his throat. "I did. When Officer Bennet messaged me, I thought you would like to know, and the Alliance too."

Sparatus folded his arms. "Now here we are waiting. We could be here for hours before anything happens, if it happens."

"I still don't understand," Tevos said. "If it's still not receiving a comm signal, why were we summoned, Councilor?" She looked to Mason on her right.

"Because we got a ping," Mason answered. He motioned to Bennet. "Tell us about the ping please, officer."

The woman, apparently Bennet, skimmed her eyes down the line of Councilors before resting on Mason, who nodded encouragingly. She licked her lips.

"A ping was received forty minutes ago. We received a second ping just a few minutes ago."

"Ping?" Tevos asked.

"Yes, Councilor, the signal that two quantum entanglement platforms are connected. They ping each other periodically to confirm connection, automatically or manually. Before this, the last ping heard from the Normandy was over 185 hours ago."

"Could this be coming from somewhere else?" Hackett asked.

"No, Admiral," Bennet said. "The two quantum entanglement platform communicate only with each other. Without dismissing their connection and manually establishing a new hardware connection to a different platform, this Council portal is specific to the Normandy."

Hackett stood next to Kaidan nodding in thought. The extra Council staff except for Benson had left. Ilk stood down the line facing the QEC and looked around the room muttering about a chair.

"So," Tevos said, "this means contact with the Normandy is being re-established from their end? Regaining functionality?"

"It's not a matter of distance?" Dumas asked. "Maybe they've just come in range?"

Sparatus sighed. "It's a quantum entanglement comm, it doesn't use the buoys. It's never out of range."

Councilor Ilk shook his head and shared a look with Sparatus. The Alliance didn't use quantum entanglement communication. Except for Hackett and Wilson, most probably weren't familiar with the technology. If Kaidan hadn't served on the Normandy during the war, he wouldn't have known either.

"Like I said," Sparatus said. "We could be here forever. How do we even know this is moving toward full communication?"

Bennet shrugged. "I guess we don't."

"See," Sparatus growled. "Just send for us when—"

The floor of the QEC's platform flashed. Bennet's fingers shot over the QEC's terminal. Mason hedged forward.

"That's a good sign?" he murmured.

It flickered again. An image, unsteady and wavering, appeared for an instant in the space separated by railing from the projection floor. The image blinked out again. Mason's head twisted to regard the other Councilors, then he stepped up the two steps to the platform's transmitting floor.

"What's happening?" Tevos asked looking to Bennet.

Bennet studied the platform's terminal. "The QEC is set to receive a message as soon as one transmits. I think they're re-establishing—"

The image materialized again. Two men stared out at them. One was hunched holding holo-driver tool. He stood with a grin as the other, a freckled balding man, punched a button on his Omni-Tool and looked out at them. His eyes widened.

"Can you see me?" he asked.

"Yes," Mason said. "Can you see me?"

"Yes," the freckled man said. "Yes, we can. Finally."

"I'm Councilor Mason. Who are you, soldier?"

"Lieutenant Tobin, sir."

"Engineer Hill from the Vespus," the man holding the holo-drive said.

Kaidan released a long breath, and his chest finally felt looser. Hackett looked sideways with a smile, which Kaidan returned weakly. His palms felt sweaty. No one launched a distress beacon just because a comm channel went down.

"The Vespus?" Mason said.

"Yes, sir. Helped repair the QEC."

Mason gave a quick nod. "Excellent work. Thank you, Engineer. Lieutenant, the Councilor and some Alliance officers are here. Go get your CO."

Tobin frowned but nodded. "Aye, aye."

He darted out of the hologram. Engineer Hill trailed along after him leaving the platform beyond the railing empty.

Sparatus sighed. "Everything seems fine." He put his head out to look down the line of people. "Alenko down there?"

Kaidan leaned out to see the Councilor.

"Spectres may be above the law, Alenko, but they're not above Council criticism. You raised a lot of dust over this."

Hackett took a step out to see Sparatus. "Councilor, we haven't heard from Shepard yet. Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

"Agreed," Tevos said folding her arms. "Spectre Alenko can be addressed after we have all the information."

"This hardly seems worth Council time," Ilk muttered. "QEC repair."

Wilson cleared his throat. He probably had a clear line of sight at Kaidan now that Hackett had moved forward. Kaidan kept his face pointed at the Councilors.

"We don't know anything yet," Mason said. "There may be a very good—"

"Hello, Councilors." James's image flickered in the QEC feed.

Kaidan's chest contracted as a throbbing started to beat against it. Admiral Hackett frowned and glanced at Kaidan.

Mason stared at James for a moment before finally speaking. "Where's Shepard?"

"Uh, I'm Lieutenant Commander James Vega," he said. "Commander Shepard …" He rubbed the back of his neck. Blood beat in Kaidan's ears. "She, well …" James straightened and looked at Mason. "Councilor, we had a - I don't know - I guess, a mutiny? I'm not sure what to call it."

"Wh-what?" Mason hissed leaning forward on the railing.

The Councilors shared looks. Even Ilk stood taller with eyes wide. Flight Admiral Dumas's mouth hung slightly agape, frown lines wrinkling between his brows.

"Sorry, Councilor. I don't know what to call it."

"What happened?"

"We, uh, picked these soldiers up from Langley station. Got a distress call, I think."

Hackett shifted looking over at Kaidan, but he stood paralyzed staring at James.

"When was this?" Mason asked.

"Week ago maybe."

"You picked up Alliance soldiers? Who ordered that, Commander?"

"Yeah, they're Alliance, but I don't know much about it."

"You don't know where the order came from? Was Commander Shepard secretive of it?" Mason leaned in closer to the hologram.

Kaidan teeth grit focusing on the back of Mason's head. He needed to stay calm.

"No, I wouldn't say that." James shifted. "I was on the lower decks focused on ground forces and the recovery mission."

"You – You're not the XO?"

"No, sir."

"I need answers then." Mason held up a finger. "Where are the senior officers?"

"From the Vespus?" James asked with a frown. "I can get—"

"No, the Normandy. Where are they?"

James looked down. "Some injured. Some dead."

Kaidan's breath left his lungs. Admiral Hackett's eyes weighing on him.

"The soldiers we rescued," James said, "they attacked the crew. No one was ready for it and there was … it was pretty bad. The ship suffered pretty bad damage to the cargo bay. A fire. Engineering and the CIC are pretty shot up. The QEC was destroyed."

"You released a distress beacon though."

"Yeah, Shepard did."

"Then, what's the status on Spectre Shepard?"

"She … she's alive."

"But she's not here, you are," Mason said. "She's injured?"

James nodded. "Bad. I don't know if … Well, we need medical attention."

Hackett sighed and rubbed his forehead. He spoke up. "Medical personnel were too limited on Gagarin to send with the Vespus."

Mason frowned at Hackett then turned back to James. "Any medical personnel on board the Normandy?"

"All dead. A few of our marines have basic medic training. Nothing for something like this."

"How many casualties?"

"Twenty-nine."

An audible gasp went around the room. Tevos gasped grabbing Sparatus's arm. Admiral Dumas bolted up the platform next to Mason.

"What are you talking about?" he said. "How could there be twenty-nine? The crew itself was only twenty-five!"

"Seven turiens rescued from Elliom, twelve crew, ten of the attackers."

"It's a massacre," Tevos said.

Mason glared at Dumas but stepped over to make room for him on the platform.

"How many injured?" Dumas pressed.

"Thirteen crew alive, seven injured. Some pretty bad. Five turiens, all injured. Critically, I'd estimate. Two of the attackers."

"Two of the attackers?" Mason asked.

James nodded.

"Have you questioned them? What's behind this attack?" Dumas asked.

James's forehead scrunched. "No. I – we've had too much else going on. We have six crewmen not injured for a ship needing twenty-five. The ship's got major damage. The Vespus just found us yesterday, been helping with the wounded. Their engineers got this back up, but no lie, we were floundering. A few of the wounded have died."

Kaidan's face burned as sweat bead his forehead. His migraine was sharpening. No one was asking the right questions, the questions he wanted answered anyway.

"Things are under control now the Vespus's there?" Mason asked.

"Getting there. Probably leave some engineers here to repair the ship enough to limp back to Jump Zero. Vespus's leaving with the wounded soon as we get everything transferred over."

Sparatus stepped to the bottom of the platform's steps. "What about General Taurin?"

Mason moved into the center of the transmission floor. Dumas took a step to the side to accommodate him. James wouldn't be able to have seen or heard Sparatus.

"What's the status of the general?" Mason asked for him.

"Dead, Councilor. Killed right off. Might have been their first shot."

Sparatus hung his head. "Assassinated then. The entire mission wasted."

"There are twenty-nine dead!" Tevos snapped.

Mason looked from the Councilors back to James. "What about the …" he paused then licking his lips but pushed ahead. "There was an important mission target. An object …"

"The Mass Effect Shard? Yeah."

Admiral Wilson grumbled something. The Councilors didn't seem perturbed though, only more intent. Even Ilk stood straighter staring at the holograph of James.

"Yes, that was it. Where is it? You still have it?"

James grimaced. Mason's face fell with the expression.

"No."

"No?" Dumas shoved forward around Mason.

"It got lost in the chaos and everything. We can't find it. I mean, it's gotta be here somewhere. Just, not finding it."

"It wasn't secured?" Admiral Wilson whispered with heat.

Dumas heard Wilson and focused back on James. "Why wasn't it stored safely? How did it get lost?"

"It was a safe, but during the attack," James paused. "We were trying to keep it safe. With the fire and everything that happened, it musta gotten lost or something."

"Who had it?" Dumas narrowed his eyes.

"Well," James hesitated. "Commander Shepard."

"Shepard had it? Lost it?" Dumas asked.

Kaidan crossed his arms tightly. Shepard wouldn't have had it during an attack unless there was something, or someone, she wanted to keep it from. James shook his head.

"She didn't lose it. Just can't find it. It's here somewhere."

"The cargo bay has vid records. We'll have to review it then," Dumas said evenly.

James's already weak smile faded. He looked off for a moment but didn't say anything. These questions were going nowhere. Kaidan took a step forward.

"Ask about XO Anchor," Kaidan said softly. "Did he have the shard before Shepard?"

Dumas frowned at him but turned to James. "What about the XO? He have the shard too? Is he alive, can help in this?"

"Dead."

Dumas shrugged and said, "About the—"

"He broke into the safe. He tried to take the shard."

Mason's eyes bulged. His head snapped around to stare at Kaidan. The other Councilors regarded Kaidan silently.

"You said Shepard had it," Mason said.

"We found Anchor with the safe broken open. He wouldn't turn it over. Shepard made him."

"He was with the attackers?" Dumas said.

"Said he wasn't," James said.

"Then he could have been safeguarding it for all we know," Dumas said.

"Or not," Mason said.

Mason glanced back at Kaidan. He seemed to be waiting for something. The other Councilors were still watching Kaidan.

"How did the QEC go down coincide with Langley's distress call?" Kaidan asked.

Mason turned to James. "Rescuing the men from Langley, did it come before or after the QEC went down? Did the orders come from the Alliance or Council?"

James scratched his chin. "Happened around the same time, the QEC and distress call. I don't think the Commander got the chance to report in to anyone about it. We were working on fixing the QEC though until they shot it up."

"What happened before that? The mission to Elliom," Kaidan said.

"What happened on Elliom?" Mason repeated.

James frowned and looked to the side for a moment. "Well … uh, had some trouble with the first landing party when we were looking for the turiens. Rescued ten of them on the second go. As for the shard, yeah, we had some, uh, issues, but we came away with it."

Kaidan frowned. James licked his lips and shifted on his feet. There was something else there.

"What was about Anchor?" Kaidan pressed.

Mason repeated it.

"Pretty much abandoned the landing party when we went down. We had some native species to deal with. Had problems when he was helping Shepard with the shard too. Got put under arrest."

"Arrested?" Dumas said.

"Pretty sure Commander Shepard informed the Alliance of that," James said.

Mason nodded. "I was aware. Admiral Wilson was managing it."

"Behavioral issues," Wilson said. "Anchor and Shepard weren't seeing eye-to-eye. Shepard felt like he was questioning her."

Mason considered this and then asked James, "Shepard felt Anchor undermined her? Insubordinate issues? Was that it?"

"Yeah," James paused then finally said, "Pretty much."

"These records are available for review," Wilson said. "It was appropriately handled."

Everyone's head bobbed. They looked between each other. The looks were questioning and seemed kind of final. They were going to close it out. Kaidan hesitated. James fidgeted with a thread on his shirt. He seemed shifty. There was something more there.

Kaidan took another step forward. "Ask him about Anchor and Elliom again."

Mason turned to James. "What about …" He sighed and turned to Kaidan. "Just come up here."

Mason motioned at Dumas to move off the platform. Dumas straightened his back, jaw tight, but stepped down the platform. His glare cut sideways as Kaidan passed him on the steps. Mason stepped to the side as Kaidan walked into the center. James's head snapped up arms falling away from the thread on his shirt. He stepped forward with a grin.

"Didn't you know you were there, Kaid – uh, I mean Major Alenko."

"Hi, Commander."

James nodded and waited.

"What happened with Anchor on Elliom?"

"Not much more than I said really. You talking about the landing mission? He was just there one minute, gone the next."

"And the issue with the shard?"

"Anchor almost dropped it down the shaft. Mistake, I guess."

"Come on, Vega." Kaidan crossed his arms. His head pounded. "What are you not saying?"

"I – uh …" James looked at Mason again. "There's not really anything else I _know_."

"Okay." Kaidan shrugged. "What about what you don't know then? Is there something else?"

"Shepard didn't think it was enough to accuse him of. And I guess really you lay it out, there's not much there. Cortez saw Anchor digging around in the shuttle's panel on Elliom. Then we found an amplifier cord at the site later. If it had been on the shuttle, could have overloaded and blown the shuttle apart on atmosphere re-entry."

"Would have killed the turiens and the landing party," Kaidan said.

"Yeah, seemed like he was expecting Shepard to be on it too."

"Anchor would have taken command then." Kaidan thought for a moment then looked at James. "What about that issue getting the Mass Effect Shard?"

"Oh, that," James said. "You know, Shepard told me to drop all this. Kind of feel like I'm disregarding my CO airing this stuff. It's just speculation, you know?"

"I know."

"Okay, well, he was helping Shepard get the shard. I don't know exactly what happened, but it went weird. Shepard ended up falling. Could have been bad. She was all right and everything, but just left Anchor standing there with the shard. Happened fast but looked, like I said, weird."

Kaidan clenched his fists and folded them under his arms.

"There was damage to the ship?" Kaidan said. "The guys from Langley cause that?"

"To the quatum communicator? Definitely. The rest of the ship though? No, not really. Shepard thought the whole coup was to take control of the ship"

"Why take the ship? Any theories?" Kaidan asked.

"Can't help on that one."

Kaidan nodded. Mason shifted next to him and glanced back at the others. They were probably ready to close out. Kaidan stepped forward and leaned his arms on the railing.

"What happened to Shepard?"

"Shepard?" James's face contorted putting his hands on his hips and looked off to the side. After a moment, he sniffed and turned back with a blank face. "I don't know, Kaidan. I really don't know."

"What do you mean?" Kaidan asked, maybe with more edge than he meant to use.

James held his stare. "It's something to do with her biotics, I'm pretty sure."

Kaidan stood up from the railing. "What?"

"She got shot. A few times. Well, shot in the shoulder and grazed, but she was doing okay. I think, she woulda been fine. But with the fire in the cargo bay, the shuttle came at us. It was imploding. She … I don't know what she did. It was so fast. She touched it. Put a barrier around it maybe. The explosion broke through it but save us from most of it. With that shrapnel, we'd all be dead. She made the shuttle stop just short of hitting us."

Kaidan swallowed dryly. "That's impossible."

"I don't know." James put up his hands. "That's just what I saw. That's what it looked like."

"The Normandy's shuttle?"

"Yeah."

"The one Cortez pilots. That shuttle?"

"An older model, more combustible, but yeah Kaidan, that shuttle. Believe me, don't believe me. That's what I saw, and that's what it looked like. Looked like a barrier."

"Around an entire shuttle while exploding which was flying at you?"

"I don't know about flying, more sliding. It definitely was gonna take us out though. No question."

Kaidan snorted and shook his head.

"Okay." He put a hand out. _Move on._ "How is she now?"

"Unconscious. She's breathing. Jensen's got her on an IV. But I … she isn't coming to." James straightened. "The doctors can decide. I'm no medic. It's just … hm, I don't know." He shrugged.

"What?"

"Jensen says her pupils don't react. It's some bad sign."

They stared at each other silently. Mason shifted in the corner of Kaidan's vision. Everyone stood silently waiting. Kaidan's mind blanked. Finally, he took a step back.

"Talk to you later, James."

"Sure, Kaidan."

James's image disappeared as the connection cut off.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The QEC's lights faded away on the platform as everyone stood looking around at the other faces. Admiral Dumas as the first to stir.

"This is outrageous," Admiral Dumas boomed. "We never heard anything about these soldiers on Langley!"

"The QEC went out around the same time," Hackett said. "Were you aware, Admiral Wilson?"

Kaidan's eyes flashed to Wilson. Hackett was baiting him. Kaidan hung on his reply. Wilson stepped forward.

"An inquiry for information on Langley did come through. The Council comm operators requested information from my office. I had my staff prepare and send it along. I didn't realize there was any significance to it until now."

"Turien general dead," Sparatus said. "Alliance soldiers seeming to be behind it. Commander Shepard with her Cerberus roots and on her ship with men she picked up. This going to ignite chaos. The reaction from both sides, aliens and humans, they'll be at each other's throat over this. Damn the Summit."

"Shepard wasn't behind this," Kaidan said.

"Who then?" Ilk asked. "Those encrypted transmission through the QEC used Shepard's Spectre codes, and she lost the shard. Perhaps hid it, destroyed it. Is that possible?" He brought up his Omni-Tool as if to answer his own question with some research.

"She took the shard from Commander Anchor," Kaidan said. "He broke into the safe. Why would he do that during a coup?"

"To keep it from Shepard," Dumas snorted. "There was contention. She didn't trust him, but maybe he didn't trust her. Maybe he knew something."

"This speculation over him sabotaging the shuttle?" Tevos asked. "And involved in Shepard's fall?"

"It's exactly that, Councilor," Dumas said. "Speculation."

"Shepard didn't report these concerns," Wilson said.

Dumas tugged on the bottom of his uniform jacket. "Shepard's manipulative, and she thinks she's God. If she felt like Anchor was on to her, she could have been seeding the ship against him, bringing up doubts and making speculations like this. She handpicked the crew, except for Anchor. They're already her friends, and she knew who she could manipulate. Commander Vega, the others, they only see one slice of it. They're filling in the rest with a blind trust in their super hero."

"Is this connected to Cerberus?" Tevos asked. "I thought they had scattered."

"There's Terra Firma," Kaidan said quietly.

Mason had been quiet up until now. He stepped up next to Kaidan now.

"What do you know about it, Alenko?" he said.

Eyes turned to him. Dumas's eyes felt hot but the rest seemed curious and quiet. Even Wilson was quiet, waiting.

"Commander Anchor was connected to Terra Firma. Nothing illegal. It's in my reports from Prague."

"A lot of names are." Hackett's said. "Many with Alliance connections."

"I knew he was on the Normandy. It stuck out."

"You warned Shepard?" Hackett asked.

"Yes."

Wilson's eyes flew wide. Dumas beat him to punch, voice even and low.

"How dare you interfere with this mission. This mission was under strict security. Your interference may affect the entire investigation. At best, it's behind these mad speculations. At worst, if Shepard was involved, it gave her an opportune target for a patsy."

Kaidan shifted on his feet and almost didn't say it. But the fire in Dumas's eyes pushed Kaidan on.

"All due respect, sir, if Shepard did this because of her background in Cerberus, don't you think discovering an Alliance soldier connected to Terra Firma would make him an ally, not 'an opportune target'?"

"Terra Firma up until recently was a political party not a terrorist operation. Anchor's affiliation isn't recent?"

"No."

"Then, they parted ways perhaps. Maybe he didn't agree with their evolution into terrorism. Shepard worked for Cerbersus while it was a terrorist organization. Maybe being her XO, he saw some signs her friends were only too happy to overlook. But then, you'd overlook them too, wouldn't you, Alenko? Shepard even threw Anchor into detention. Sound like a familiar overreaction?"

Beside Hackett, Wilson crossed his arms with a stony face. His gaze was on Dumas, not Kaidan though.

Tevos sighed. "Shepard only had your information on Anchor to go off of? Nothing more?"

"Not from me," Kaidan said.

"They haven't communicated since she left Earth," Dumas mumbled off handedly then blinked and rushed to add. "I believe … Alenko?"

"No."

Kaidan's core went cold.

"What does all of this mean?" Mason shook his head. "We need those damned messaged through the QEC decoded? Any help through your work on Terra Firma, Spectre?"

"Their coding is complicated," Kaidan said. "There are warehouses full of hardware data, we haven't been able to decode. Without a key for the different coding sequences, it will takes months if not years."

"You really think it's Terra Firma?" Tevos asked.

"I do."

Ilk let out a loud breath and looked up from his Omni-Tool with a wide grin. "You can't destroy the shards. Everything I'm finding suggests they're as indestructible as the relays are to normal processes."

Sparatus frowned at him, shook his head, and looked back at Kaidan.

"What do you think's going on, Spectre Alenko?"

"I …" Kaidan moved his weight onto his back foot and looked around at the faces. He skipped past Dumas's and Wilson's faces quickly. He felt like James must have been, tempted to hedge. It was just speculation. But they were trying to nail this to Shepard. He may have doubted her in the past, but he was convinced now. She didn't do this. In fact, the idea that she was lying wounded and unconscious because of them made Kaidan not just want to nail the blame to the right target, he wanted to send those bastards straight to hell.

"I think." He'd put his disclaimer out there. "I think, it's Terra Firma. I think they want the Mass Effect Shard for some weapon. I found schematics for something that would match up."

"What kind of weapon?" Ilk asked cocking his head.

"Something using dark energy. They have a nuclear warhead and some lesser explosives. They're up to something. I think getting that Mass Effect shard was a part of whatever that is."

"The Summit's in a little over a month," Mason said. "You think it has to do with that?"

"It would make sense. Nothing yet to confirm it that."

"So, attack the whole Normandy to steal a shard?" Dumas said. "Seems like there should be easier ways to do that, Major."

"Maybe." Kaidan shrugged. "Maybe tip your CO over the ledge. You come aboard shard in hand and keys to the ship."

"There's no basis for that," Wilson said. "The soldier died. We're sullying a man's name who could be a hero."

"Wild speculation," Dumas agreed.

"Well," Kaidan pushed on anyway. "I don't think Terra Firma only wanted the shard. I think if Anchor was made CO, they would have come across the distress call same as Shepard. They would have 'rescued' the station crew, and they would have taken the ship. It would have been a lot easier without Shepard. Hell, maybe they want the pretense of Shepard being involved when they use the Normandy for who-know-what. Anchor just have just cut off the QEC at Elliom, so no one knew what happened to her.

"They take the Normandy, attack colonies or space stations, maybe other ships. It makes the Alliance look bad, throws doubt on Shepard and what she stands for, causes dissention and redirects everyone's attention from what really matters, which in a several weeks from now is the Summit. Shepard and Taurin are never at the Summite, and everyone's up at arms against each other. Hackles are raised at the meeting. Who knows how it would change the decisions that are made, and now no one's paying attention to what's important. Maybe it makes the whole meeting an easier target. "

"Where did these station men come from?" Tevos asked. "I thought Terra Firma was a scattering of cells. They never had Cerberus resources."

"They're organized now," Kaidan said. "A new leader came on a year ago, the Scorpion."

"I've heard of this," Sparatus muttered.

"The Scorpion? Why?" Ilk asked.

"Some passphrase they use," Sparatus said.

He looked to Kaidan. Ilk followed Sparatus's gaze and waited patiently. Kaidan sighed.

"It's something rhyming about the Scorpion giving the world back to the spiders," Kaidan said. "So we call this person, the Scorpion. I don't even know if that's what they call their leader. It's what we use."

"This person. Any leads?" Tevos asked.

"No, but it should be a priority," Kaidan said. "As for the men on Langley, all that chatter through the QEC probably coordinated it. There's probably encrypted information on non-networked devices on the Normandy used by whoever put this together, who I think is Anchor. They needed Shepard to find the shard for them, but then she was expendable. The crew was expendable. They got Terra Firma fighters to the abandoned station, coordinated with Anchor to uncover the signal, and then used moles inside the Alliance to send falsified information to reassure Shepard that the distress call was legitimate and the men were really Alliance soldiers. It convinces her to go get them and drop her guard. Then Anchor takes out the QEC to prevent Shepard discussing it with anyone or a calling for help when they take over the ship."

"Why steal a space ship?" Hackett asked suddenly. "Terra Firma up until the last year was destroying Alliance vessels in dry dock."

"It makes sense for the here and now," Kaidan said. "Sure, ultimately, they're isolationists. They want the relays down. They want space travel stopped. They want to be holed up here on earth, full of only humans, living in freedom like the good ole times. But for now, without ship or ships, you can't achieve the end goal. They won't be safe until the relays aren't under construction. Here in Sol or Arcturus. Maybe it's even in their interest to defend the Arcturus relay to prevent other races rebuilding the relays there. Of course, they'd have to maintain a fleet there, and they aren't going to want to do that. Not long term."

"We're nearing a boiling point then," Sparatus said. "The relay's almost finished."

"They're going to strike," Kaidan said. "Everything points to them preparing for it. They have a deadline, which means so do we."

"We need to find this Scorpion then," Tevos said. "It should be a Council priority for the safety of the Summit."

Kaidan nodded. The Councilors started to move around. Dumas walked over to Wilson and Hackett and spoke in a heated whisper.

"We all need to discuss this further," Mason said.

"Send a schedule," Ilk said already walking to the door.

"I'll send everyone a reminder," Mason said.

"Very good." Tevos nodded.

Kaidan shifted on his feet and checked his Omni-Tool. His heart still felt like he'd stopped short mid-sprint, standing still but pounding and pounding. He knew what he needed to do.

"The Vespus doesn't have a QEC?" Kaidan asked.

He already knew the answer. Hackett heard him and shook his head. He didn't have long to catch them before it left with the wounded then.

Kaidan turned to Tevos and Sparatus. "Do I have permission to use the QEC portal? Contact the Normandy as I wish?"

"You're a Spectre, Alenko. You don't need our permission." Tevos smiled.

"Thank you."

Kaidan rushed to the door. Time was counting down.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Kaidan bumped around a metal cart and glanced up in time to not run into two orderlies reviewing a monitor on the wall. It looked like vital signs. Kaidan finished the message on his Omni-Tool as he navigated away from a door sliding open. A man in a white coat came out absorbed in his datapad and talking into a comm in his ear. Kaidan tapped the send button on his Omni-Tool. Done, the message to Liara was off. It wouldn't be long enough for her and probably raise more questions than answers. Probably irritate the hell out of her now that he thought more on it. Maybe he should … He brought up an empty message screen. No. He punched it off and continued down the hall at a brisker pace. He was almost there, and Liara could be looped in more thoroughly later. He'd provided the important bullet points.

Kaidan rounded another corner and paused for a moment. He glanced back the way he'd come. It was the right hospital he hoped. There were only two. The other was across town, still under restoration, and last he heard only keeping non-intensive patients and definitely didn't have research underway. He caught the eye of a man coming down the hall in scrubs. Kaidan got his attention and showed the ID the lobby attendant had given him. Being a Spectre did get him a few things at least. The man listened to him and then pointed down to the left.

The research lab finally. They didn't make it easy to find, but then again how many outsiders needed to find it. Kaidan scanned in. The room was a tall open space bustling with white coats. A few people looked up with frown as he flashed them his ID and walked through scanning their faces. He peeked through an open office doorway and then another. His eyes fell on a brunette watching him from a workstation in the corner. Her dimples showed in a wide grin as she caught him looking back at her. No, that wasn't her. He'd only met her once … twice? He didn't need to study the woman in the corner any more than that warm smile. Disqualified.

He walked along a bank of windows as he moved further back into the lab. He glimpsed lab counters through the windows and a person here and there. He stopped. He stepped back to a window and looked again. The door didn't even need his ID to open.

Gray light from the windows reflected off the metallic countertops along the wall. A laboratory bench ran down the middle of the room. There was an antiseptic smell and stainless-steel look to the whole room. Everything a medical research lab should be. Had Shepard laid in a room like this for two years draped under a white canopy on a cold metal table? It gave him a chill.

A woman standing at the far counter that faced the wall gave a long sigh and glanced over her shoulder.

"Paula, who …"

She wrinkled her brow letting the sentence hang unfinished. The other woman in the room, "Paula" apparently, stood at the lab bench. She took a step closer and squinted at his badge. From the look she shot up at him, she must have even read the fine lettering. She picked up a tray of petri dishes off the bench and scurried out of the room. The door slid swished shut behind her.

The woman at the counter set a datapad down as she turned to face him.

"Oh. It's you." She crossed her arms.

"Miranda."

"Kaidan Alenko." Her face looked back at him flatly. No smile.

He hadn't expected her to smile. That hard gleam as her eye though, he wouldn't be surprised if he didn't see his breath when he spoke.

"I suppose there's a reason you're here." She cocked her head. "Not a social call, I imagine."

"No."

With some effort, he prodded himself and crossed the rest of the steps to stand a few steps in front of her.

"What do you want?" she asked.

Maybe he should start with asking how she was or some sort of platitude to break the ice. But it didn't seem like the ice was likely to break whatever he threw at it. It might make her more annoyed by not just driving right to the point. She seemed like a person that liked to get to the point.

"Hi, Miranda."

She raised an eyebrow and leaned back against the counter. Kaidan shifted.

"I'll get straight to the point," he said.

"By all means."

"There was an incident on the Normandy."

Miranda's eyes brightened. Her back straightened, and she stood away from the counter.

"Something happened to Shepard," Kaidan said. "Something to do with her biotics."

"Damnit." Miranda crumpled her hands into fists and brought one to her forehead. She turned to the side. "Is she …" She closed her eyes briefly then looked back to him with a deep breath. "Is she dead?"

"No," Kaidan blurted. Damn. He hadn't meant to imply that. He'd died waiting for James to finally answer the question about Shepard.

"What happened?" Miranda asked.

"She's unconscious."

"How long?"

"A few days, I think."

"She's on the Normandy?"

"For now. They're transporting her back on another vessel."

"What does Dr. Chakwas say?"

Kaidan went cold.

"Dr. Chakwas was on board?" he asked.

Miranda stared at him with the hint of a frown.

"Yes," she said slowly.

Kaidan swallowed and stared down at the floor not really seeing it for a time. When he looked back up, Miranda was tapping the counter with her fingers and gave him an expectant look.

"Well?" she said.

Kaidan hadn't wanted to go into that part of it. Didn't know if he should tell anyone outside of the Council. He needed her though. She was going to find out eventually if she helped him. With that crease on her brow and that intensity in her stare, yes, she would help. He didn't know her well, but she must care about Shepard to some level to have that look.

"The medical providers are dead," Kaidan said softly.

Miranda stormed right up to him.

"Dead?" she hissed.

"Gunfire was exchanged. There were casualties. Shepherd was hurt when she used her biotics."

"How badly?"

Kaidan shook his head. "Unconscious. I don't know much more. That's why I came for you. We can communicate with the Normandy. There are a few officers with medic training. They'll transport her to Jump Zero, but it will be days before she gets real medical care."

"They can't help anyway," Miranda muttered.

She moved to a side counter, shoved over a microscope, and searching through some papers and datapads.

"Her pupils aren't reactive," Kaidan said.

Miranda paused hands spread across a pile of datapads. Kaidan waited then took a step forward.

"What did she do with her biotics?" Miranda spun around.

"Something big."

"Damnit." Miranda's voice came out strangled, and she turned away again.

She didn't touch the datapads but just leaned forward on her arms, fingers sprayed on the counter top, and head down. It was unexpected. Maybe he had been wrong about her. She'd been so cold the times he'd met her. She must actually really care about Shepard and not just as a pinnacle of her life's work.

"Miranda …" He came up beside her.

"I'm fine."

She turned her face away from him toward the opposite wall. Her breathing sounded even but it was loud enough to be audible. Kaidan's heart beat in his ears. Her reaction, she seemed … He wasn't sure. Defeated maybe. It didn't make sense.

"Miranda …"

"Stop staring at me that way," she said.

She pushed aside one of the datapads and snatched the one underneath. She turned on her heels to face him with a dull, flat stare.

"Let's go. I assume that's why you're here. You want me to talk to them."

Kaidan nodded. "Yes."

Miranda pointed to the door with the datapad in her hand. "Then let's go."

XXX

Kaidan kept pace with her as she tore down the hospital hallway chewing her lips. Kaidan pointed to a hallway on their left, the way he'd come in.

"This way," he said.

"No," Miranda said. "This way is faster."

She didn't even wait to see if he'd follow. Some salarians in lab coats watched them pass with wide curious eyes. There were no patients in this wing. Who funded the research here anyway? The Council?

Miranda looked sideways at him. "You seem … calm."

"On the outside."

She gave a soft snort and picked up her pace. "Could fool me."

Kaidan shot her a frown. "What does that mean?"

Miranda didn't answer. It was too quiet in the hall for her not to have heard him. An exit loomed at the end of the hall. As the went through, a blast of cold air whipped into them replacing the scent of bleach with rain. Misty droplets speckled the landing pad's cement. Miranda wrapped her arms around herself as she charged over to a terminal and hailed a city skycar.

"Where're we going?" she yelled overtop the wind. Hair swirled around her face.

Kaidan leaned over the terminal. "Alliance Headquarters. Council section."

It didn't take long for a skycar to appear. The doors lifted open and Miranda clamored inside. She typed in the destination as Kaidan climbed in after her. The roar of the wind cut away as the door cinched shut. The autopilot engaged, and the skycar lifted with a low hum. Specks of rain chaning to large, fast drops pelted the windows. Miranda pinched away wet strands of hair plastering to her face. One strand caught in her lip glass. She caught him watching her and narrowed her eyes.

"Why're you looking at me?"

"Thanks for coming."

Miranda smoothed her hair and adjusted it in the reflection of the shuttle's window. "Damn weather."

The shuttle turned into the flow of other skycars moving the same direction. Miranda closed her eyes with a sigh and leaned back in the seat. They rode in silence except for the patter of rain. Headquarters was still too distant to make out in the rain.

"This is exactly what I feared for Shepard. I told her-" Miranda cut off her hot words. She still had her eyes closed. She let out a long breath. "But that doesn't matter anymore, does it?"

"Guess not."

Miranda's eyes cracked open, and she turned to look at him. "Why aren't you more upset?"

"I am upset."

"No," Miranda said raising her hands and picking idly at her nails. "I thought, that night at Shepard's party … I was under the impression, you were sleeping together."

Kaidan swallowed, "Hmm ... uh—"

"Nevermind. Maybe it was a one-night thing. I don't care. What you said to her the first time we met at that colony with the Collectors, I thought you were a jackass, but I got the impression you cared about Shepard. No one gets that upset over something they don't care about."

"I do care."

"Well …" She folded her arms and spared him a sideways glance before staring out through the watery glass. "Maybe that night at the party or nights, whatever, you both worked it out of your system. Hell knows, we've all done it. Stressful time, needing a release. I won't judge. You came and got me, so I'll give you that."

Kaidan's jaw clenched. He crossed his arms and stared out the side window. Worked it out of their system - as if that's all he and Shepard were to each other. Not on his side, not by a long shot. Shepard though … He glanced sideways at Miranda. No. What did Miranda know of it anyway? Shepard wasn't the type to sit around and girl-talk. Miranda hadn't said Shepard actually told her anything. It was all presumption on Miranda's part, but still the thought … It twisted his stomach to think it was just that, only that, in the end.

"I love Shepard," he said quietly.

Miranda shifted and squinted at him. "Then why …" Her brow creased, and she looked distant. Her eyes widened. She sat upright and looked at him. "Wait. You must think … You think I can fix her, don't you?"

"You can't?" Kaidan frowned.

"From what you said, if that's all true, this is serious."

"I understand it's serious. All those times you—"

"Stop." She stared hard at him. Kaidan forced himself to hold her eyes. "I can't keep fixing her."

"Did she tell you to-"

"Damnit, Kaidan!"

Kaidan flinched.

"Listen to me," she snapped. "I can't keep fixing her. This isn't some damned Do-Not-Resuscitate contract Shepard and I drew up." Kaidan opened his mouth, but Miranda cut him off again. "I know that's what you were going to say."

"Not like that."

"However you wanted to word it. The same thing."

Kaidan just shook his head and looked at her. "Miranda, you brought her back from the dead. She was dead for two years."

"And, it took two years."

"There's no time frame here."

"Kaidan!" Miranda smacked the dashboard and jabbed a finger at him.

Kaidan tensed. She licked her lips and glanced around as if thinking. Finally, she turned back and met his eyes.

"Here. Think of it like this - there's a vase. The first time it drops, it breaks. You gather all the pieces, epoxy them back together. Hard work, but you do it. The second time it falls, it breaks along the old enamel and makes new cracks, breaks into smaller pieces. You almost can't, but you put it back together. Now, the third time it falls, well that time, it doesn't break. It shatters."

Air leaked out of Kaidan's lungs as they stared at each other.

"You understand what I'm saying, Kaidan? Shepard's already been fixed twice, and that last time was damn hard and almost didn't happen. Look at what happened to her biotics. Shepard isn't immortal, in fact, far from. If she's unconscious, non-reactive pupils … At some point the vase just shatters, Kaidan."

Miranda broke their gaze, glanced out the window, and grabbed her datapad. She turned back to him.

"We're here."

The skycar settled onto the landing pad. Kaidan's body moved stiff and slow like barely defrosted meat. He stumbled out of the car into the torrent of wind and rain. He led her to the Council QEC communication rooms, but couldn't keep his eyes lifted above the floor. They turned the corner. Liara paced by the guarded entrance to the restricted area of the Council wing. She saw them and stopped.

"Kaidan! By the goddess, you look … what happened?" She rushed to them.

"Dr. T'Soni." Miranda inclined her head.

Liara darted a look at her. "Miranda Lawson. Good to see you." She was already turning back to Kaidan. She put a hand on his arm. "Are you okay?"

"Liara." Kaidan shrugged off her hand. "I'm okay. Really."

"What's happened?" Liara looked back and forth between them. "Something's gotten worse, hasn't it?"

Miranda sighed and looked over at Kaidan.

"Let go," Kaidan said.

He approached the guard at the hallway entrance. The guard handed Kaidan a datapad. Kaidan put in his information and handed it back. The guard waved them through. Liara fell in beside Kaidan and kept her voice low.

"Kaidan, your messages were so sparse. I came earlier than you said hoping to see you. I don't understand all of this."

Kaidan's throat felt like it might crack and bleed it was so dry. He swallowed and glanced over at her as they walked.

"I couldn't write everything." He kept his words even and quick. "I'll explain later."

He led them up to wide gray doors and punched in a code. They doors slid apart. They were here.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Do you really think I even know what that means?" said the holographic image of a woman in marine fatigues running a hand through her dark pixie-cut hair.

Miranda's heels clicked on the platform as she paced with hand on her hips. She waved a hand at the woman.

"You don't have to understand it. That's my part. Just do it."

They continued to argue. Occasionally, another medic-trained soldier off the Vespus would pop in and say something, but his answers had become increasingly soft spoken as Miranda shot them apart. Apparently, neither Jensen's medic training or the Vespus officer's were up to Miranda's standards. Then again, they're probably weren't many who were.

Liara rested against the wall next to Kaidan. "That's it then? All of it?"

"Every word," he said.

Every word except for all the veiled references to his fraternization with Shepard, and Admiral Hackett's advice in the hallway. His advice hadn't really been meant for sharing anyway. Kaidan's face heated just recalling the conversation and the things Admiral Dumas had said. Everyone knew.

Kaidan exhaled and looked around the room. He was trained as a medic, and he couldn't follow all Miranda's medical jargon. Admittingly, the migraine didn't help that fact. Miranda pointed between Corporal Jensen and the Vespus medic and said something about EEG tracings. Without equipment and unable to see anything first hard, Miranda's voice was only getting shriller with each repeated point she threw at them.

"Do you think they'll really suspend you?" Liara asked.

Kaidan glanced over. "Admiral Wilson's furious. The Admiral Board's been going over it for days. Saw Flight Admiral Payne outside the Parliamentary Chambers. He practically drew a finger across his neck at me and grinned."

Liara knit her eyebrows together. "What … what does that mean? Why would he do that?"

"He didn't. Just felt like he'd wanted to. You know, slit throat?"

"Oh." She frowned harder. "And all this will go on your permanent record?"

"I'm sure."

"Goddess, I never meant for this to happen."

"No, Liara, I'm glad you contacted me. I want to be here. If I had been on assignment already and all this happened, I just learned after … I'm just glad you called me."

Miranda shot them a deep frown over her shoulder and cleared her throat.

"What's that?" Corporal Jensen said. "I'm having trouble hearing."

Miranda turned back to her. "Sorry. There's noise on my side."

Kaidan glanced at Liara. He trotted up the platform steps to Miranda. He whispered to her before turning back. She was good to stay here for a while. The Vespus would be leaving soon, but Miranda had all the time until then. She'd been Cerberus, true, but she'd done a lot since then for the Council and, if looking at it from a medical perspective, for everyone. She was clear as far as he was concerned, and the Council had said it was his prerogative to use the quantum entanglement communicator.

"Let's go," Kaidan whispered to Liara and motioned his head toward the doorway.

They walked down the hallway silently before pausing at the guard station. Kaidan filled out information at the guard's terminal and then ushered Liara forward.

"Where are we going?" she said picking up her steps.

"Are you hungry?"

"I guess. Why so fast?"

"I'm going to fall down if I don't eat something. That, or give myself a worse migraine."

"Here." She reached in a side pocket and held out more pills.

Kaidan laughed. "Liara. Where are you getting those?"

He snatched them from her palm.

"They're not illegal," Liara said.

"I didn't say they were."

Maybe not illegal, but you didn't just walk in anywhere and buys these pills. He rolled them back and forth in his hand as they turned into the main hallway. People bustled around them in dinner clothes and clubwear. The commercial sections of HQ must be heating up. Darkness obscured everything outside the windows as they continued down the hall.

"Aren't you going to take them?" Liara asked nodding at his hand.

He opened his palm. Two green capsules. He shoved them into his pocket.

"Not yet. We'll see. I try not to if I can avoid it."

"Well …" Liara shrugged. "I have more."

Kaidan stumbled with a laugh. "Liara! Why do you have these?"

"In case, you needed them. I thought that was apparent."

Kaidan grinned over at her. "I'm not sure if that makes you my drug dealer or my mom."

Liara frowned with a soft snort.

"I'm joking." Kaidan elbowed her. "No really, Liara. That's very nice of you. You're a good friend."

"Hmm."

"Better than I deserve."

He slowed their pace. Liara glanced at him.

"I suppose that's an apology for thinking I'd sell your information on the black market?"

"No," Kaidan said. "This is: Liara, I'm sorry I thought you'd sell my information on the black market. I was an ass."

"Well." She grinned. "I like the last part."

The Council area fell back behind them as they moved into the commercial section. Brightly colored lights flashed around them in a rush of loud conversations and advertisements. Skycars settled on landing pads outside the open door. Cologne and fast food mingled in the air.

"It's good to see you laughing, Kaidan."

"Yeah? You too, Liara."

"Yes." Liara was quiet for a moment as they walked. "Shepard. She will be all right."

Kaidan didn't say anything. His chest tightened. He pulled the pills out his pocket and popped them in his mouth, swallowed.

"Yeah," he said. "Of course."

Liara studied him out of the corner of her eye.

"Of course," she echoed.

XXX

They stumbled to the corner of some Elcor vid and game shop. Neon lights flashed over the heads of a group of sallow skinned humans as they hunched together passing something around. Kaidan squinted at them before he ducked around the corner of the shop into the dark. He didn't care. Not tonight. The lights and activity cut off in the shadowed recess between two shops. Taking those pills early probably saved him being flat on his back right now, eyes scrunched, willing himself to sleep. He'd probably be willing himself to sleep to escape more than the migraine.

Instead, he tripped against Liara before they pressed their backs against the far wall grinning at each other. Maybe a little buzzed. Maybe. That fried food place, first place they found with food, bad idea. All that grease and Liara saying over and over with only slight variation, "By the goddess, this is horrible. Humans eat this?" But she'd still been straining to grab another fry as Kaidan dropped it into the garbage. Greasy handed, maybe turning a little green, somehow they'd made it downtown. The Vancouver Alliance District, shore leave central - Shops, cafes, bars. Lot of bars. Liara's head lolled against his shoulder flashing him a loopy grin. Maybe they'd spent a little too much time touring the bars. Kaidan knew where to draw the line. That hadn't stopped him from going right up to it though. Not tonight. Taking that medication, it always did this. He felt drowsy and scrambled. Without it though, he'd be in pain and scrambled. He'd caught it early this time.

Swaying against him, Liara laughed into his ear. She might not have caught herself at the line. Maybe she didn't know her line. He'd never seen her drink, not in all the time they'd spent together. Then again, ten months of that time had been returning home on the Normandy, a pretty dry time all around. James though, bored and no booze, it was practically prohibition to him. He'd started his own Speak Easy. One taste of his brews though, only the hard-up's came back for more. Sometimes that had been Kaidan.

"Then … then …" Liara slurred hugging his arm. "Wait, wait, wait … the best part—"

"Kaidan? Liara?"

Kaidan lowered his head and squinted into the lights. A shadow came forward into the flashing neon across the alley's entrance.

"Tali?" Kaidan said.

"Tali!" Liara pointed.

A blended form in the background sharpened coming up beside Tali and eying them.

"And Garrus!" Liara grinned.

Kaidan straightened. "What are you two up to?"

Tali's helmet looked over to Garrus standing beside her and then back at Kaidan.

"I was going to ask the same thing."

"Maybe we don't need to ask," Garrus said.

His eyes shifted between Liara and Kaidan. His eyes stopped on something head cocking slightly. Kaidan followed his gaze to Liara's hand clutching his arm. Maybe Tali was looking at the same thing. Kaidan couldn't tell. Tali took a step back.

"Oh," she said swinging her mask to Garrus. His mandible clicked but Kaidan couldn't be sure what his turien body language was telling her. Tali turned back sharply and stepped back again. "Sorry, Kaidan, Liara. We'll just … be going."

Kaidan lurched forward tipping Liara off balance against him.

"Wait. No, no, no. It's not—"

"Don't worry." Garrus waved him off with a talon. "We know you and Shepard aren't … uh, well, no judgement here. We'll just … go. Come on, Tali."

Tali's helmet bobbed. She turned away with Garrus.

Kaidan took a step after them. "You're misunderstanding."

Garrus glanced back at him and then Liara. She slumped against the wall, pawing at it as she tried to stay upright.

"As far as Tali and I," Garrus said, "we didn't run into you. Don't worry about it. Have a good night, you two."

Kaidan stared wide-eyed. Garrus grabbed Tali under the elbow and moved off.

Tali's voice was low. "They broke up, right? He's not, uh …"

"Oh, no," Garrus said. Kaidan could barely hear him. "They're long over."

They disappeared down the walkway. A skycar blasted air as it passed overhead. Kaidan stood in blinking neon and shifted on his feet, buzz totally gone. Just the headache was left and the fuzziness from the pills. Liara sank against the wall hand trailing above her until she settled on the pavement with a thump. Her head lolled forward, and Kaidan rushed over.

"Liara? You okay?"

"By the goddess," she gurgled and rolled her head back with a weak grin. "Do you think I say that too much? Am I too … crass?"

"You can say whatever you want."

"Oh, good, that's good." She tipped sideways and spread a palm on the ground to steady herself It slipped, and she toppled over. Kaidan caught her under the arms.

"Liara." He peered into her face. She looked back with hooded eyes. "You think you can walk all right?"

"Me?" She mumbled a string of intelligible words smiling. Her eyelids drooped close then popped back open. They started to droop again.

"Oh …" Kaidan exhaled watching her. "Liara, I should have … I'm sorry. Here."

He lifted her up. Her head flopped onto his shoulder. He'd better be careful. All that tossing around, and he didn't need _that_ added to the mix. From her scrunched expression though, maybe unavoidable. Her body tensed. She leaned over his arm and threw up.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Kaidan woke with a sharp, throbbing headache. That wasn't too much out of the usual, but this one was sharper and in the front. His stomach turned as he sat up and blinked into the light. Light shined through his window. Kaidan fumbled for the Omni-Tool on his nightstand and caught himself before he rolled off the bed. It was late morning already. Damnit. How had he slept … well, he knew. The memory crashed down on him. He swung his feet off his bed and held his head in his hands. His forehead pulsed hotly, slick with sweat.

"Shower," he murmured to himself.

He pressed his fingers against his eyelids for a moment before stumbling across the room. Squinting, he tore at the cord for the window blinds and then leaned heavily against the wall. He palmed the loaner Omni-Tool in his hand before sliding it on. He flashed on the screen. Bright! He snapped his face away. He'd really done it now. All that movement then the burst of light right by his face. Stupid. Decisions while having a migraine tended along those lines. His head was splitting apart now.

He threw open a cabinet door in the bathroom and groped for his pill bottle. He shook two capsules into his hand. His forehead pulsed with knives. He squeezed his eyes shut and steadied his breath. He tapped out another pill. After throwing them back in his mouth, he lowered his head to the facet and took a long drink. It washed his mouth's dry stickiness. His mouth definitely hadn't been dry last night though.

How stupid. He slumped heavily onto the closed toilet lid and leaned his head forward into his hands. When was the last time he'd drank so much? Never while serving on the Normandy, not even during shore leave, not even on the trip back to Earth with James's moonshine flowing. Never on duty for certain. It must have been years. He'd come down on his students for it - losing inhibitions in public. Biotics had to be more responsible. It was just dumb. He'd done a lot of dumb things as a kid, but as an adult he did a lot less. Though perhaps that's when he'd made the dumbest move - fraternization. Still worth it.

He slumped from the toilet seat onto the cool of the linoleum floor. This was all about Shepard. He'd spent so much time last night just trying to wash the anxiety away. Hell of a friend really. She's lying comatose and one of her only friends that knows about it is out drinking all night and lying in bed all morning to forget it.

After the destruction of the first Normandy, he'd drowned himself. The whole thing with the Normandy exploding under his feet, staff dying, struggling to organize the survivors on Alchera - it gave him more of an excuse than he had now. It felt worse than that time though. He could be just forgetting, or maybe it was that their relationship had become even more than it was then. At least on his side, it had grown.

Miranda's words played over in his head. He shoved them aside. No, it had meant something to Shepard too. She'd told him she loved him. But then, that had been hours before staring the end of existence in the face. Wrapped up in it all, everyone said things they maybe wished to take back. Shepard had nearly said that exact thing in her apartment the night he pushed in on her. Maybe, in the end, that's all they really were - bed fellows, but not to him. He'd never felt that way about it, even in the beginning. Never would.

His breathing eased, and he rubbed his hands over his face. Shower. Right. His Omni-Tool lit up. He'd meant to check his messages earlier, only it had been some damn bright. His eyes were getting used to the overhead light in the bathroom though. Eyes narrowed, he brought up the Omni-Tool's screen and lowered its brightness.

There was a message from Miranda. Brief. Brief and cutting. Well, she was right. Abandoned her? Pretty much. He sighed. He'd write back an apology when he could think straight. How he felt now, that might be tomorrow. He'd have to do it sooner than that though. He'd found it was better to narrow the time between an offense and apology as much as possible. Too much lag time, and the necessary eloquence of the apology would outpace what he was capable of composing. Not that he ever meant it less, maybe even meant it more, but that didn't necessarily carry through in words.

Kaidan's fingers scrolled back to the top of Miranda's message, and he re-read it. Nothing about Shepard's status, just a beratement of him. Maybe she knew that would "show him" - holding back the one thing he wanted to really know. If something had happened since he'd left, Miranda would have said so though. She probably would've called, and he hadn't missed any calls.

The next message was from Admiral Hackett. The Vespus was underway. The Normandy was still under repaired for its limp back to Jump Zero. Most of the Normandy's crew had been transferred. Kaidan smiled wanly envisioning them prying Joker's fingers from the helm. At one time that image would have felt like a knife wound. Shepard had been spaced, but she'd come back. Old grievances could be spaced too. Everyone made dumb mistakes, it was being able to learn from them that made up for making them. In the end, Joker had been there for Shepard when Kaidan hadn't.

There was a message from the Admiral Board. A time and place for the hearing scheduled today. That would be … well, horrible. He'd be horrified more if it wasn't foiled against his turmoil over Shepard. If Shepard died … He lurched up and turned on the shower. He couldn't think that way. He turned the water to cold.

If Shepard died, Kaidan didn't care what else happened. Next to that, nothing mattered. He'd live the rest of his life half alive. How could he have thought he was half alive a few days ago, when Shepard was vital and healthy, alive, and on the Normandy? Just because she wasn't with him? How selfish, self-consumed. And now if she died … No. He'd remember this if she lived, _when_ she lived. She didn't need to be with him. She could be with anyone, he didn't care. Honestly, and to himself, he truly wouldn't care. Couldn't care. She just had to live. Even if he never saw her again. Even if she forgot about him. Even if what Miranda had said was true. It didn't matter. If she lived, he would be satisfied. He'd learn to be and remember that promise to himself.

The cold water stung as he stepped into the spray. He needed to wash away more than just sweat and dirt. He had to refocus. He could still help. There were still things he could do.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Major Alenko."

Kaidan turned. Admiral Hackett pulled his jacket taut as he stood up from one of the Alliance hallway couches. Had he been waiting here?

"Admiral."

"How did it go?" Hackett glanced at the door behind Kaidan.

"Suspended."

Hackett drew in a sharp breath but gave a nod. "I suppose that's not unexpected."

Kaidan shrugged dropping his eyes. He could feel Hackett's eyes on him, but Kaidan didn't want to meet them. He waited. The admiral shifted on his feet then motioned down the hall.

"We can go. I'll walk with you a ways."

Their boot tapped on the marbled tiles as they walked side by side. Kaidan couldn't put enough distance between himself and that room. Admiral Wilson's face had been so red, Kaidan could have seen the color even in black and white. If you really could see someone's vein pulsing out of their forehead, Kaidan would have seen Wilson's. Flight Admiral Dumas and the others too, but better not to think of it now. Kaidan released a breath he'd been holding and tried to shake it off.

"I know what it must have been like," Hackett murmured.

Kaidan kept silent.

"How long?" Hackett asked.

"Thirty days."

Hackett stumbled but recovered his stride. "Thirty days?

"Yes."

"Then?"

"Reinstated," Kaidan said. "Probationary, I'm sure."

Hackett shook his head. "We're still trying to manage balancing an Alliance officer with being a Spectre. Only makes it muddier all crammed together on Earth in the same building. I think it would be safe to say that when in Alliance offices or the field talking to Alliance officers, you're Major Alenko. Outside of that with the civil government, Council, other races, you're Spectre Alenko."

"I got that," Kaidan said flatly.

"I imagine you did. But, uh … hold on, Major." Hackett stopped.

Kaidan took a deep breath and crossed his arms before turning to face Hackett. Not again. Kaidan couldn't handle it today. Hackett meant well Kaidan was sure, but he was done with it. Hackett regarded him levelly.

"They're threatened by the power the Council gave you. Intimidated by you and Shepard. And Shepard … she … well, she can rub people the wrong way, especially those in authority. Her celebrity, public image, Spectre status, they can't reconcile it with that of an Alliance Staff Commander and subordinate. For those that don't know her, it makes them defensive, reactive. They want to strike first, resolve a problem that hasn't become one yet." Hackett sighed but then gave Kaidan a weak smile. "And they like you."

Kaidan lifted his eyebrows with a snort and looked off.

"No, they do." Hackett gave Kaidan's arm a fatherly pat. "Trust me, they do but they're threatened. You're collateral damage to them. They know this whole thing was an anomaly compared to the rest of your service record, but they want to send a message. Just stay low. Do your duty to the Council, but around the Alliance, keep your head down. They'll forget this soon enough. Then compartmentalize the roles. You'll go far, Alenko, you will. Trust me. Admiral Wilson … well, several years from now, he may be taking orders from you or at least meeting you on more level ground. Maybe I will too." He smiled. "Hopefully retire before then though."

"And Shepard?" Kaidan asked.

"Same for her. She keeps her head down, big things in store for both of you."

Kaidan stared at the floor. "Right."

"Right," Hackett repeated. "Maybe you can use this time for something better. The Council could certainly use the help."

Kaidan nodded weakly and waited for Hackett to dismiss him. Hackett let him go.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Kaidan picked up his pace as he made his way out of the Alliance leadership office wing. The guards nodded at him as he passed into the grand entrance hall. Kaidan pinched the bridge of his nose and took another deep breath. His Omni-Tool beeped but Kaidan silenced it with his other hand. He took the hall straight ahead. He didn't even know where he was going. He was getting away from something, not going somewhere. People bustling around him, a few shoved against him. Foot traffic swelled as he walked further. This was the main hall leading across the building to the Council wing. Kaidan scurried out of the way and down a darker, quieter residential hallway. His Omni-Tool lit up again with but flashed this time. A comm call then. Kaidan checked it. Ah, Miranda. Kaidan gave a long sigh and paused over the answer button before just jamming his finger on it. Her face lit up the holoscreen as he raised his arm higher to meet her eyes.

"Finally decided to stop ignoring me, Kaidan?" Miranda asked folded her hands and leaning forward on a desk.

Metal and black leather furniture filled the background. Gray walls hung with some abstract etchings too far away to really make out.

"Sorry. I was in a meeting," he said.

A woman turned the corner of the hallway as Miranda gave him a flat look.

"Last night, too? You sneak out after some vague whisper and won't return any of my messages. Got what you wanted, then bored, take off."

The woman looked up from her Omni-Tool with an impish grin and glanced at Miranda's image on the holoscreen. Her eyes sized him up with a small smirk as she passed.

"Kaidan?" Miranda said. "Hey!"

Kaidan snapped his head back. "I'm in a public hallway. Where can I meet you?"

Miranda seemed to consider it looking down at her interlaced fingers. She sat back.

"Fine. I'm at my apartment. I'll send you the address."

"See you soon."

He turned off the screen and let his arm hang as he leaned back against the wall. Suspended. A different Kaidan, a Kaidan years younger, would be crestfallen. Even now though, it kind of felt like getting a failing grade, standing around staring at the report card, and waiting for his parents to find out. There wasn't anyone to disappoint but himself though. There was probably other ways to have gone about it better than storming offices. That was a useless line of thought though. What was done was done. Shepard was right. He did think too much.

His Omni-Tool chirped. Miranda must have sent the address. Liara may want to come, but she probably needed a day at home. His head still felt stuffed with glass. Each movement and change in position ached. If he was busy enough, it would blur away to an annoyance. He'd take the quieter hallways to for the nearest skycar platform.

The image of Tali and Garrus flashed in front of him - garish store lights strobing over them as Garrus stared at him. Kaidan sighed and touched his forehead pushing the image away. He checked him Omni-Tool to confirm it. He had Miranda's address.

XXX

"Tonight?" Kaidan turned following Miranda as she pushed past him.

She stopped over a small shipping container and set case full of medicine vials inside. Assorted medical supplies, laboratory equipment, tools and various scanners and datapads littered the floor around her. She squatted down and sorted through the clutter.

"It would be right now if I could," Miranda said. She sat back on her haunches. "Now where …"

"How?" Kaidan asked.

Miranda flicked her eyes up at him before pulling over another shipping box and digging through it.

"Supply freighter. Already talked to the merchant captain. We've come to an arrangement."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"I have a Council meeting this afternoon on this."

"So?"

"So …" He sighed.

She rubbed an eye with the back of her hand and took a slow breath before turning back to the clutter.

"Were you up all night?" he asked.

Miranda didn't answer. She pushed up off her knees as she stood. The desk she'd called him from sat against the window behind her. She crossed over to it and pulled a bulky microscope across the glass top to the edge. She grunted to lift it. Kaidan moved her aside and picked it up.

"I didn't ask for help."

"I didn't think you did."

He waited until she sighed and motioned to the larger shipping box by the couch. They were both biotics, but she looked as weary as he felt. No reason to add on that fatigue. He settled the microscope into the bottom of the box shoving over a scanner paddle and some smaller boxes. His hand paused over a small white case the size of his palm.

"Is this …" He held it up turning to her. "Tell me this isn't …"

"It is." Miranda griped the edge of the desk behind her and leaned back. "Look. We—"

"This could kill her."

He came over to her holding up the case. She leaned forward and snatched it from his hand.

"And if it doesn't, she's already dead. At least with this, there's a chance."

"She's not young and plastic enough for that, Miranda."

"You don't think I'm aware of that?" Miranda hissed. "It may be the only way."

"It'll kill her," Kaidan repeated.

"What would you have me do, Kaidan? I care about Shepard. Don't you think I want the best for her too?"

They stared at each other. Kaidan's jaw tightened as Miranda's eye narrowed. She turned the case over absently in her hands. Soft footsteps tapped down the hallway carpet to his right. Miranda glanced over with a sigh.

"It's fine, Oriana. You can come out."

"Sorry," she murmured sneaking by them to the kitchen. She threw a sly glance back at Kaidan then turned a raised eyebrow to Miranda.

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Hurry up."

"Just a snack," Oriana said. "Just finishing up the final touches."

"Sculpture commissioned by the Council," Miranda said to Kaidan. "Commemorate the war."

"Commemorate all the races uniting," Oriana called out from the kitchen. "Who wants to celebrate a war?"

"Winning the war then." Miranda shrugged.

"Well," Oriana twirled around the corner of the kitchen with a red apple in one hand. "It's not really about that."

"It's for the Summit?" Kaidan faced her.

She grinned. "Yep."

Her eyes traveled him up and down as she crunched a bite out of her apple.

"Ori, please. Just …" Miranda flicked her hand at her. "We're talking. Please."

"Very well."

Oriana threw a final glance back as she strolled down the hallway to a far door. Did she wink at him?

"Did she, uh …" He looked back to Miranda.

Miranda wrapped an arm around her middle supporting the other elbow as a hand hid her mouth. Was she smirking?

"Uh …" Kaidan said. "Your sister's quite the … uh, tease."

"Who's teasing?" Oriana called down the hall just before her door slid shut.

"Doesn't get out much." Miranda dropped her hand away from a growing lopsided grin. "As you can tell from her tastes."

Kaidan shrugged with a grin. "I wouldn't fault her for her fine tastes."

Miranda snorted and rolled her eyes as she stood away from the desk. "Poor kid. This is clearly what happens when you're sheltered."

She smiled fondly down the hallway. Kaidan's eyes moved to the white case dangling from Miranda's hand. He took a step closer.

"Please, Miranda." He gestured to the box. "Don't do that."

She turned back to him and glanced down at the case in her hand. She held it up to eye level.

"Look. You've got to trust that I know what I'm doing."

Kaidan stared her silently for a moment. Finally, he pivoted on his heel and rubbed a hand down his face with a long sigh.

"Okay," he said.

"Okay?"

Miranda peered at him as if uncertain and waiting to detect another objection. He was silent. She straightened and brushed past him to the shipping container and set the case down inside.

"What model?" Kaidan asked turning to watch her.

"L3. Hard to find, but less of a shock this way."

Kaidan nodded, silent. His head still pulsed, but his gut felt twisted now too.

"I don't _want_ to do it, you know," Miranda said finally. "I haven't seen full scans, but from what I can tell, Shepard's implant started a misfire. Her whole brain's seizing with electrical activity. It hasn't involved the cerebellum given she's breathing independently, but whatever she did, it sent shockwaves from the L3. It's reverberating. It won't stop on its own."

Kaidan lifted his shoulder and stepped over to her. "Then remove it. Don't replace it."

"You don't understand," Miranda said. "Removing it does nothing. It changes nothing. The implant may have been the ignition, but now the whole brain is disorganized with rampant activity. Removing it doesn't change that. We need another signal. Jolt back into normal rhythms."

"Then do it externally without an implant."

"No." Miranda put her hand up. "I know what I'm doing, Kaidan. I'm good at it. Very good at it."

"I don't doubt that, Miranda."

"Then let me do what I'm good at. I don't know if that's what will need to happen. I won't know until I'm there. But if it's what I suspect …"

Kaidan relaxed the muscles between his shoulders and slowed his respiration. He said he would trust her.

"In a way, she's already dead," Miranda added. "It's like someone hitting the floor in cardiac arrest. The heart's full of all this electrical activity, but it's not coordinated enough to pump any blood. So, the person's dead, same as if the heart wasn't moving at all. We need to reset it. Replacing her implant, it's the defibrillator."

"Okay." Kaidan wiped a hand down his face and paced.

"Stop pacing. You're making _me_ nervous."

Kaidan stopped. "Miranda?"

"What?"

"James said Shepard, and he wasn't sure, but he said she spread a barrier over a shuttle as it imploded. Is that … is that even possible?"

Miranda's mouth opened. "That's what she did?"

"Is it possible?"

"You fought beside her more than I did."

"Her skills with barriers, it's unparalleled. But that? No. Something of that size and then fineness of a weave to keep an explosion together, how impermeable it would need to be. You rebuilt her. With all those implants …"

"None of them would let her do that," Miranda said. "It's possible her L3 lost its safety features, let her overload it, but I can't imagine she'd be alive then. I'm not sure. She is good with barriers. Damn good. Skills grow with experience. Maybe she did do it."

Kaidan shook his head with pressed lips. "An entire shuttle, though? Covering people, sure, for a skilled biotic. Shepard's weave is more seamless than anyone's I've seen. But a shuttle, holding in an explosion of fire and debris? Seems like a big leap."

Miranda shrugged. "Adrenaline, fear, desperation. Circumstances propel leaps. Don't tell me you haven't surprised yourself."

"Nothing on that scale."

"I think," Miranda shimmered blue, "We all have our niches."

Something scrapped against the flooring behind Kaidan. The leather couch shimmered blue rising steadily off the floor. Kaidan backed up as the end table glowed up. Two wingchair across the coffee table, the coffee table, the end table's lamp, blankets on the back of couch, a pair of shoes against the wall - all floated shining blue. Kaidan's eyebrows rose, and he pursed his lips with a steady nod. He shot a glance at Miranda, sweat shimmering on her brow, forehead pinched. She gritted her teeth, gasped.

"Damnit."

The blue blinked out. Everything fell. Miranda yelped. Blue flashed out. The chairs blinked. The end table, the coffee table - quick burst across each, slowed enough to be braked before slamming onto the floor one then another. The lamp shattered on the carpet. The couch hung suspended with a blue halo as it settled back to the floor.

Miranda turned to Kaidan. "Hmm, thanks."

The blue energy faded off his skin. The vapors still curled off his hand as the couch tapped onto the floor.

"Figured it was cheaper to replace a lamp than couch," he said, "and chairs."

"Caught the table. Slowed each of the others enough to not break. Not bad."

"Couldn't have lifted everything at once like that. Couldn't even catch it all at once. I'm, uh, pretty impressed. Nice couch. Might not want to use it next time as the main set piece."

"Hmm … only other thing in the room big enough to replace it would be you."

"I'll pass."

"I give a good ride."

Kaidan narrowed his eyes. The smirk and haughty stare seemed to confirm it hadn't been a slip.

"You and your sister really are twins," Kaidan said.

Miranda chuckled. "You're so damned straight laced. Thought that one might go over your head."

"Hey. If I wasn't here, you'd be using your couch as a picnic blanket."

"My, my, put me in my place, you did." She smirked. "If you weren't here, I wouldn't have been floating all my furniture around to begin with."

"Not all your guests get this show?"

Miranda put her hands on her hips with something like a real smile.

"You're not so bad, Kaidan."

"Finally, something positive for my diary tonight."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Don't make me take it back."

"I planned on using pencil anyway."

"Well …" Miranda moved some books around on the floor with the toe of her boot then sank down to sort through them. "You know how long it took me to be able to lift that - that much, that heavy?"

Kaidan shrugged. "I couldn't do it."

"Maybe with time. It's what you put time into. That, and some natural proclivity, I suppose. But to be able to do that, I won't even tell you how long it took me to get there. Embarrassing. My biggest step came when I was escaping with Ori. The path was blocked, heavy crates and construction material. My father's people were too close on my heels to move one at a time, and so heavy. It felt right though, and I did it. Now I'm even better at it. Well, usually better than this."

"You seemed tired when I came in."

Miranda shrugged. "Never have enough time. If I practiced more, I could probably do a lot more than even that. I can only invest in so many areas."

"Like rebuilding someone," Kaidan said.

"Not someone. Just Shepard. But yes, that didn't come without work and preparation."

Kaidan strolled over to where she was sorting clutter on the floor. "I won't dismiss it outright then - the shuttle."

"Do that, and stop jumping to your own conclusions." She pointed up at him. "That's what I didn't like about you to begin with."

Kaidan gave her a half grin. "I'll keep that in mind. I do want to stay 'not so bad.' If I leave you an opening to take it back, I'll have nothing to show for the day. Nothing good."

"Whatever."

Miranda pulled over a box and shifted things too deep inside for Kaidan to even see. An alarm buzzed on his Omni-Tool.

"My Council meeting."

Miranda eyes darted up and then back to digging in her box. "Better go."

"Thanks, Miranda." He went to the door.

"For what?"

"Taking care of Shepard. She needs you."

"You're not completely useless either." Miranda didn't look up from the box.

"Touched. How my journal entry grows." Kaidan paused in the open door.

Miranda glanced up with a twist to her lips. "Go away."

He backed out and let the doors slid shut. He checked the time and moved toward the nearest skycar station. Assuming he didn't have trouble getting a ride, he had just enough time to get to the Council wing of Alliance HQ without being late.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The Councilors leaned together over the table speaking in heated voices. A lot of Alliance officers and Council staff were here who Kaidan had never seen. It wasn't an open Council session but certainly larger than the meetings they'd had up until now. Kaidan shifted in his seat. He was pretty sure Admiral Wilson was a couple of rows behind him. It felt like a hole was burning into the back of his head, but he could just be paranoid. Kaidan slanted his head slightly to see behind. He snapped his head back and stared forward. Not paranoid. Kaidan tried to concentrate on the Councilors.

"We need to investigate this." Sparatus slammed a talon on the table.

"No one is disputing that," Tevos said.

"Then let's stop going back and forth," Sparatus said. "A turien general, many of his officers are dead. Assassinated. We want one of our—"

"It's an Alliance vessel." Councilor Mason pointed his finger into the table in front of Sparatus. "There were more Alliance casualties than turien."

"The assassins were Alliance!"

Some of the flight admirals shot out of their seats in the front row. Mason held up his palm and turned to Sparatus.

"That's unlikely."

"We don't know until we investigate," Ilk said.

"It's a Council matter," Tevos pushed. "Clearly a matter for the Spectres to investigate."

Eyes turned to Kaidan. He straightened in his chair.

"No Alenko," Sparatus said. "No offense. This needs an impartial investigator."

Tevos waved a hand toward Kaidan. "He extracted information in our QEC interview that wasn't forthcoming with the impartial interrogator."

"I'm not an interrogator," Mason said. "But I see Sparatus's point. We need to prevent bias affecting the results of the investigator. We can't have doubt cast over what it turns up. Spectre Alenko worked with Spectre Shepard in the Alliance. This investigator needs to be unbiased in examining her relationship to the attack. There's only chance for a full investigation. We can't leave the results open to criticism in such a delicate intergalactic matter. Alenko, I'm certain, would agree."

The Councilors looked at him. Kaidan could feel the Alliance admirals' eyes on the side of his face. He gave a sharp nod.

"Yes."

He hated to be cut out, but Councilor Mason was right. If his involvement could cast doubts on the exoneration of Shepard, he needed to keep apart. Admiral Hackett had warned him that he'd need to step away at some point. It still weighted his chest to see it taken away. Whoever investigated it could missed something, misinterpreted, or worse, have ulterior motives in the outcome.

"We need a Spectre. Two Spectres," Ilk said. "One stays on Gagarin and question injured crew as able. The other brings back the Normandy. It's a crime scene."

The Councilors heads nodded in unison.

"Marus and Sakis work together," Tevos said turning to Ilk.

Ilk shook his head. "Both on the Tibrus II."

"Destroyed by that merc ship?" Tevos asked and glanced sideways at Mason with a stiff mouth.

It had to becoming up on a year since his wife's death from that merc attack on the Tin Star. Anniversaries like that really didn't get easier. Kaidan remembered.

"Then two others?" Tevos said.

Sparatus sat forward in his seat. "Ursul and Taccus have collaborated in the past."

"They're a good team," Tevos agreed. "Are they both in the area?"

"Giriel Ursul is. Ror Taccus? I'll have to contact him."

"Very good." Tevos smiled.

"Recovering the Mass Effect Shard will a priority in a investigation, I hope," Admiral Dumas said.

"When will they go?" Mason asked looking down at the other councilors. "We have an Alliance vessel under Captain Grayson. She'll be bringing supplies and medical personnel to Gagarin. It needs to leave soon."

"Screen your crew well," Ilk said out of the corner of his mouth looking down the row at Mason.

Mason twitched. "The soldiers from Langley were not Alliance."

"Only pretending to be," Ilk said. "Thus, screen your crew well. Not an insult. A suggestion."

Mason's jaw tightened. "Have we discussed this enough? I think we've gone over it well enough now."

Kaidan silently agreed sitting up higher in his chair. These meetings talked about doing something more than working out how to actually do it. Kaidan hadn't expected to be sent, but still, it stung. It wasn't unexpected, and it made sense. There was even a part of him that was even relieved, not be left out of the investigation – that caused anxiety – but knowing he wouldn't be confronted with seeing Shepard like that. There was something maybe cowardly but self-preserving in preferring a devastating comm call to watching her death and being haunted as it played over and over in his head forever.

Boots hit the floor around him. Bodies stood up from creaking chairs and conversations rose in volume and started to overlap. Kaidan rubbed an eye with his fist and rose to his feet, back popping as he straightened. Much too long sitting.

"Alenko."

Councilor Mason crooked his finger at Kaidan. Tevos and Mason leaned in together talking softly as Kaidan trotted up the stairs and across the Council Chamber floor to their table. Tevos inclined her head at Kaidan in greeting then she moved off.

"Councilor," Kaidan greeted.

"Heard you have some free time on your hands."

Kaidan clasped his hands behind his back, pinching a wrist so tight it hurt. Admiral Wilson watched him from the corner of the room. Flight Admiral Dumas and some of the others looked equally interested as they shifted to see him from the front row of seat. They were too far to hear anything though. Kaidan moved to the side to block the Councilor from their view. They could just watch his back. Maybe with their collective glare, they really could burn a hole into the back of his head.

"I've been suspended," Kaidan admitted.

No use flowering it. If the Councilor was asking, he knew.

"Suspended from Human Systems Alliance, temporarily. Not the Council."

Kaidan gave a slow nod. He wasn't sure what to make of that beyond the obvious statement. Mason smiled affably and waited. Kaidan hesitated.

"Is there something you need me to do?" he asked slowly.

"To do? No," Mason said. "I assume you know we'd like you to take a role in the safeguarding the Summit? Whatever can be done for security of the symposium is a priority. How you go about that until the meeting takes place is at your discretion. You're a Spectre."

Kaidan's eyebrows creased together. He held Mason's eye. The man smiled benignly back at him. Mason's gaze flickered over Kaidan's shoulder, and he waved off a pair of Alliance officers coming up the stairs to them.

"In a moment," he said around Kaidan's shoulder.

Kaidan ran his tongue along the inside of his teeth. He was still missing the subtext, and there had to be subtext here. The Councilor waited. Finally, Kaidan sighed and shifted on his feet.

"Is there something specific you're wanting me to do?"

Mason chuckled and gave him a warm smile. "Okay, Alenko, here it is." He hedged around the table and lowered his voice. "Should you decide to take some personal time, say, support friends going through a hard time. While supporting friends and in your personal time, the Council would understand if you, just through happenstance mind you, were to come across more information concerning the incident on the Normandy."

Kaidan froze. "Taccus and Ursul …"

"Will do a formal investigation. A very good one, no doubt. Another Spectre's interference would certainly be taken amiss by them and also the Council. Now should a Spectre in his person life uncover additional information relevant to the case, well I'd say, he'd be ethically bound to pass that information along. Perhaps anonymously since it's in your role as a civilian. With an anonymous tip, I imagine your name wouldn't make it into any of final public records."

Kaidan's eyebrows raised. In his peripheral vision, Admiral Wilson and some of the others were rounding the sitting theater to get an angle on his conversation with Mason. Kaidan looked over his shoulder. A grim smile spreading across Wilson's face when their eyes met. Kaidan's heart skipped and he blinked turning back to the Councilor.

The thought suddenly occurred to Kaidan that getting suspended may not be the end-all. The Alliance could still fire him. Interfering with a Spectre investigation would upset the Council, undoubtably. But it was a joint mission, joint investigation in many ways. By extension, maybe he'd be interfering with the Alliance's directives. Suspended and publicly ordered to step away, it would look bad if he disobeyed.

"Spectre." Mason said, his smile fading as he watched Kaidan.

Kaidan took a breath and rubbed the side of his face in thought. He looked back at the Councilor.

"I understand what you're saying, Councilor. I …"

Kaidan's eyes unfocused as thoughts rushed through his head. It could be a huge mistaken. Professionally, of course, but also the risk of casting doubt on the conclusions of the investigation. What would it mean for the Summit if he botched the validity of the investigation? What would it mean for Shepard? It could help or hurt either one.

"Alenko." Mason waited for Kaidan to look back to his face. "The Alliance ship with supplies to Gagarin and probably taking the Spectres leaves tomorrow. It has appropriate accommodates for taking passangers. I could be inducted, as a personal favor, to add individuals to that list. There are already medical providers going for support. I've already sent a message to Miranda Lawson. I know she's instrumental in Commander Shepard's care due to past circumstances. I can add other names too."

Kaidan didn't know what to say.

"Thank you," he said finally.

Kadian wasn't sure on the time frame for an answer. There were just too many things to consider first. He felt dizzy with it. Admiral Wilson tapped his foot watching them from the seats and checked his Omni-Tool screen.

"I'll add your name to the list," Mason said finally. "You can decide to show up."

"Dr. T'Soni."

"What?"

"Dr. Liara T'Soni," Kaidan said. "Can you add her name to the list?"

Mason smiled. "Of course."

Kaidan nodded absently. "Thank you."

"Yes. Well, continue on." Mason stepped back, voice returning to a normal volume. "Take whatever time you need, Spectre, then report back to the Council to discuss security for the Summit."

Kaidan shuffled to the stairs and caught Tevos's eye. She held his eyes until Kaidan reached the first stair. She flashed him a small smile and inclined her head before turning back to two Asari Council aids. Apparently, Mason wasn't alone in his scheme. There was some comfort in half the Council condoning it. Whether they'd own to it publicly should something go wrong was a separate matter.

The two Alliance officers who had been trying to approach Mason earlier waited on the top stair. They saw him and moved back onto the floor. Wilson sidled along the front row of chairs to meet Kaidan at the bottom of the steps.

"Alenko."

"Admiral."

Wilson nodded his chin down at Mason.

"A new Spectre assignment?"

"Nothing new. Still focused on Terra Firma."

"Hmph." Wilson studied him. "Headed somewhere?"

"Probably get dinner."

Wilson snorted. "I didn't mean right now."

Kaidan shrugged.

"Are you going somewhere in the next few days? Assignment for the Council, perhaps?"

Kaidan could be evasive. He could provoke the admiral by waving Spectre confidentiality in his face. Still, Kaidan felt his initial instinct to minimize antagonizing him was still the better route. Wilson hated him, sure. Taunting him further would only entrench any vendetta he had against Kaidan. Kaidan had hurt his pride. Pride …

Kaidan's eyes scanned the medals hanging on Wilson's jacket. His eyes stopped on the Solitaire Medal. Just like Shepard's. You only got that after coming through something harrowing with casualties, probably mass casualties. Since Admiral Wilson was still here, Kaidan had to suppose he had a story probably not dissimilar to Shepard's on Akuze. The only one who had walked away maybe. Wilson had a lot of medals flashing all over his vest, but this was the one he kept the picture of being rewarded. Maybe, like Shepard, he had people to remember who should have been standing there, too, having medals pinned to their breasts.

"Alenko! I asked you a direct question."

Kaidan's attention snapped back to Wilson's darkening face.

"Sorry, sir." Possible answers shot through his head as his eyes strayed down to the medal again. He looked up. "Councilor Mason was concerned. Wanted me to know I could take personal time if needed."

"You need personal time to collect yourself after your suspension?"

"No," Kaidan said. "Some of the best soldiers I've served with, the ones I'm closest to, were aboard the Normandy."

"If you-" Wilson said sharply, then cut off. He looked at Kaidan guardedly. "Many soldiers have lost their comrades in war. Most soldiers can pick themselves up and march on. They don't need time off."

Kaidan swallowed and gave him a quick nod. "Of course, sir."

Wilson adjusted his weight on his feet. "How many did you know?"

"Several, not all. Lieutenant Commander Vega, Flight Lieutenant Moreau, Lieutenant Cortez, Engineer Adams … Dr. Chakwas. Commander Shepard, of course. We all served together aboard the Normandy during the reaper invasion. We went through … a lot."

Wilson's gaze shifted down to Kaidan's chest, the hard lines around his eyes eased. "You're planning to see them, then?"

"I have time off one job, but I haven't decided," Kaidan admitted, then added after a moment. "I'm not sure if I would get in the way."

"The way?" Wilson looked up at Kaidan and then considered it. "I suppose you would be."

"That's my concern." Kaidan paused.

It was unnerving opening this up to him, but somehow the honesty felt right, the right way of coming at it. Wilson fidgeted with the button on his cuff, but his eyes were clear and watching Kaidan.

"What do you think I should do?" Kaidan asked.

A deep part of Kaidan hummed with the manipulation in asking that. His mind scrambled searching his own motives with the question hanging in the air between them. It surprised him, but he did really mean it. Advice from an enemy, if sincerely requested and sincerity received, could be valuable. Hopefully, Wilson saw it the same way, not as some tactic in a game. Wilson didn't seem to see anything in Kaidan's face to flare defensively over. Instead, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and thought for a moment.

"I would …" Wilson let the words linger then shrugged pulling his hands out of his pocket. "I would go see them." He met Kaidan's eyes. "I'd stay far clear of that investigation, mind you, but yes, I would go be with them if I could. Fallen soldiers, injured comrades sometimes … well, it's good to find support."

Kaidan nodded slowly. "Thank you, sir."

Wilson's fingers fidgeted more aggressively with the button on his cuff. He cleared his throat and dropped his arms with a straightening back. "Talk to you later, Major."

Kaidan saluted him. Wilson barely met Kaidan's eye with the returned salute, but it was crisp and stood for the same length as Kaidan's. With that he, rushed away down a side aisle. Flight Admiral Dumas stood against the wall by the main door. His eyes pierced through Kaidan as Kaidan came up the main aisle to the door. He saluted the admiral. Dumas returned it with a tight face hardening even further. His eyes stayed on Kaidan even as he passed out the door. Wilson must not be the only one hoping Kaidan misstepped. Maybe a whole clutch of admirals were gleefully rubbing their hands together to see it. If he was exposed meddling in a high-profile investigation, they could all go in together for a pretty decent discount on the party hats.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"Consider it, Miranda," Kaidan said into the comm in his ear as he stepped out of a city skycar.

"I am thinking about it, Kaidan, and I'm leaving tonight."

Kaidan crossed the landing platform. Sunset reflecting up off the puddles as he crossed to the apartment building's sliding silver and glass doors. It was locked with a keypad set into the marble along the door frame.

"Miranda." Kaidan sighed.

"Kaidan." She echoed back testily.

The sliding doors as opened as a human couple tripping over their formal wear and embroiled in a whispered conversation bustled through the door sparing him a nod as they passed. Tenets no doubt. Kaidan slipped inside with his boots leaving a trail of watermark across the polished floor. He'd only been here once. True, it had been recent, but the memory wasn't the sharpest.

"Kaidan, I have things I need to do."

"What's going to get you there faster – a cargo freighter or an Alliance warship? Twenty-four hours won't make a difference."

Miranda didn't say anything. Maybe she'd ended the call. His Omni-Tool said the comm line was still active.

"Miranda?"

"What?"

"Which is safer?" he asked.

This hallway with the evenly spaced potted roses looked right. The door he was looking for hadn't been on the ground floor. At least, he was pretty sure it hadn't been.

"The Blue Suns will find a merchant freighter a lot more interesting than an Alliance warship," Kaidan said.

"Tell that to the Raven or the Silver Star or the Turien's Rathis II."

"Can you name the freighters they've taken down?"

Kaidan saw the elevator. He'd definitely taken an elevator. That, he remembered now. Miranda wasn't answering. The question had been mostly rhetorical though.

"You don't remember, I don't remember, because it's too common," Kaidan answered anyway. "Come on, Miranda."

"I don't need any Alliance favors," Miranda blurted out.

There it was then, the real reason. The reflective platinum doors parted, and Kaidan stepped into the elevator. He moved to the panel of pearly button and gaped at the options. Maybe he just needed to call for directions. Wait, that looked right. He punched one at the top.

"Councilor Mason added your name to the passenger. He's not Alliance," Kaidan said.

"Close enough."

"Not really."

"It's an Alliance ship, correct? Somewhere in there, Kaidan, believe it or not, is an Alliance favor."

"Miranda …" Kaidan's eyes rolled up with a long sigh. "Fine. Do whatever you want."

The floor chimed and the door whooshed open. It was a short hallway with only three doors. This was all looking familiar now. The door at the end to right seemed correct.

"Have a safe trip then," he said finally.

"I'll think about it, Kaidan."

"What times does the freighter leave?"

"Late tonight. A few more hours."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Kaidan lingered by the door. He touched the comm in his ear.

"Really though, Miranda, be careful. I'd find out what freight your friend is transporting. The Blue Sun's activity has stepped up in the Sol outskirts."

Miranda sighed. "I know, Kaidan."

"All right," Kaidan said finally. "Just … take care."

"Okay."

Miranda ended the call. Kaidan took the comm out of his ear and snapped it back into his Omni-Tool. The apartment door slid open. Kaidan tripped back a space. He hadn't rang yet.

"Kaidan."

Liara's silhouette stood in the doorway. Glass walls and a balcony beyond it burned with the sunset. It cast the apartment behind her a bright red-orange.

"Oh. Hey."

"I saw you were outside the door," Liara explained. "Come in."

Kaidan took a step forward and passed by her into the apartment - all platinum and glass. The apartment's living area was larger than most of the ship commander center's he'd served on. His HQ barrack was probably smaller than the balcony beyond the main room's glass walls. Being the Shadow Broker had perks apparently.

Liara's assistant sat stiffly at a marble topped desk in the corner of the apartment's main room. As Liara led Kaidan into the main room, the assistant glanced up and gave Kaidan a nod before turning back to a multiscreened terminal glowing with bits of text and paused videos.

"How are you feeling?" Kaidan asked.

Liara came around him with eyes lowered. "Quite well now. I was very sick earlier, but that has passed."

Kaidan leaned in closer. "Liara, I'm really sorry about—"

"Please," Liara said. "I feel well enough."

Her eyes strayed to the corner. Her assistant leaned forward fixed on one of the screens. Maybe too fixed to be natural. Liara's eyes flicked back to Kaidan, and she indicated the glass push doors out to the balcony. The air stung with a chill and the fresh tinge of rain and ocean current. They were deep in Vancouver, but they were so high up. He might be able to see the ocean.

"Earth is very beautiful," Liara said beside him as they crossed over the wet marbled tile to the glass railing. "At first, I didn't think it compared to the solar glows and hanging moons of Thessia's sky. But now, I actually find is quite beautiful."

Kaidan leaned his arms on the railing and looked out across the city dimming in the setting sun. Only a few other buildings this tall stood between them and the horizon. The ocean glistened in the distance where. Just a few years ago, other skyscrapers would have hidden it.

"Kaidan." Liara touched his hand. He looked over. "I'm sorry. I heard about what the Alliance decided."

"The suspension?"

"Yes."

Kaidan turned his gaze back to the city. "It wasn't a surprise. I mean, a surprise if you asked me two weeks when I was debriefing in Prague, but not a surprise after getting the hearing invitation."

"Was it really a hearing?"

"No, I guess not. More a disciplinary meeting than a hearing."

"Regardless," Liara said. "I'm sorry."

Kaidan shrugged. Sunsets after a storm really were some of the most spectacular.

"Are you okay?" Liara asked.

"Yeah." Kaidan snapped his head back to her. "I'm good."

Liara nodded holding his eyes.

"How's it going with the files from Wilson's terminal?"

"Like you thought, the maintenance reports on the distress beacon were superseded and altered."

"Then …"

"It wasn't altered by the admiral though. The documents were corrupted on the Alliance mainframe with a temporary user profile. It may not even be someone from within the Alliance."

Kaidan shifted against the railing. "You can tell that?"

"There's a reason you gave it to me, isn't there?"

Skycar lights streamed through the city. Kaidan thought for a moment then turned to Liara.

"When was it altered? Can you tell?"

"Yes."

"Was it before or after the Normandy's distress call was reported? Before Wilson sent that information on to the Admiral Board?"

"It was after the transmission was received and after Wilson had messaged the admirals. It was probably altered before the Flight Admirals actually consulted the documents. Here." Liara brought up a glowing screen on her Omni-Tool, and leaned over for Kaidan to read it. He fingered down the holographic screen then sighed.

"Not what you wanted to read?"

"No, I …" Kaidan pulled back. "I don't know."

Liara frowned, turned off the Omni-Tool, and waited. Kaidan looked off.

"I know it's … unbecoming," Kaidan glanced sideways with a lopsided grin, "but I'm a little disappointed that didn't implicate the admiral."

"Admiral Wilson?"

Kaidan nodded. "Yeah."

"I've gone through most of the files, Kaidan. Nothing so far implicates him."

"Good. Don't get me wrong, I want the truth. Just kind of hoped that would be the truth."

"An Alliance admiral, a Terra Firma mole? That would be very serious."

"I know. Unbecoming. I admit it."

Liara gave a small smile. "That sort of information would fetch a lot on the shadow market."

Kaidan looked over and narrowed his eyes. "You're just trying to push my buttons now."

"Perhaps."

"Perhaps?" Kaidan raised his eyebrows and hunched over the railing to rest his chin on a fist. "I don't think it's 'perhaps.'"

The corners of Liara's lips turned up. "That must be unbecoming of me now."

Kaidan grinned broadly. "You didn't want me to be lonely in the category?"

"I thought you may like some company."

"Thoughtful." Kaidan was still smiling. "You bring migraine meds for me."

Liara shrugged, eyes drifting to the sunset. The bright red was fading to a pink twilight.

"I'll send you what I have so far," she said.

"Thanks."

They stared out over the darkening city for a moment before Liara looked over at him again.

"I got your message about the ship to Gagarin. It leaves tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Have you decided?"

Kaidan pushed back from the railing. "I don't know yet."

"You think they're trying to entrap you?"

"No," Kaidan shook his head. "Not that. Not exactly. I think the Councilors really just want more information, but the Alliance … there are deeper politics and power struggles happening behind closed doors."

"And some of it involved you?"

Kaidan paused thinking. "Partly because I'm a Spectre. Human Spectres are new. Up until now, there's only been turmoil and upheaval to really define it. Now there's confusion, boundary staking, power pushbacks, fear between the Alliance and Council. The Citadel orbits Earth. One day, the Council will be here, above Earth, back to full strength, relays restored. The Alliance needs to carve out its authority, set a precedence with its power. I don't know. I think … there's a lot going on."

"You regret becoming a Spectre?"

"No," Kaidan said. "Not really. That's not what I'm saying."

"But you think of yourself more as an Alliance soldier than a Council Spectre?"

"Of course." He shrugged. "How could I not?"

Liara tilted her head back and looked up in the sky. Kaidan felt it. A drop. It was visible if he focused on the spaces between the building.

"I'm going. I'm glad you had my name added," Liara said.

Kaidan nodded and moved under the overhang of the roof. Liara rested her back against the railing and blinked through the misty sprinkle at him.

"Thank you for bringing me back last night."

"Your assistant let me in."

Liara bit her lower lip and glanced away. "I feel embarrassed. I … I don't remember anything."

"Don't be," Kaidan said.

"It's just …" Liara's mouth twisted. "I'm worried about Shepard."

Kaidan took a step back out into the drizzle. "Me too."

Liara raised her eyes, a shiny glint to them.

"Kaidan …"

"Yeah?" He stepped up to her.

Liara pushed forward from the railing and reached for him. He tensed. Her arms wrapped his chest, and she leaned her head against his shoulder. He swallowed. The rigidness in his back loosened, and he hesitated. Then he put his arms around her and rested his chin atop her head. She twisted her face and buried it into his chest. The rain sprinkled as the sun slipped from the sky.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Kaidan stretched back in his chair. The computer terminal on the desk in front of him illuminated the dark room. Kaidan rubbed his face roughly with both hands and yawned. He stared at the face on the screen. Thoughts rolled around his head before he finally stood up and flicked the screen off. The room disappeared in darkness. The face still burned in his mind's eye - Bram Anchor.

Kaidan picked his way through the darkness until he bumped his knees up against his bed. He touched the mattress with both palms and he sank down to sit on the edge. His clothes were still damp. They clung to his clammy skin. He exhaled a long breath and leaned forward putting his face in his hands.

He'd reviewed the Normandy maintenance files from Liara. There wasn't much of interest aside from what Liara had pointed out as being superseded. Terra Firma, outside or inside the Alliance as they may be, had to be involved. Anchor's connection and the blueprints to that war device were too coincidental otherwise. Anchor's attempt to remove Shepard as CO were only theories though. If Shepard thought it unproveable, unless new evidence turned up, it would remain that way. A theory.

The other files he'd taken from Wilson's computer – ship logs, communication reports, mission summaries – none of it was especially enlightening. Kaidan could only imagine the outrage if the Alliance knew he had them. Afterall, he never had gotten that paperwork. Kaidan smiled wanly.

The only thing of any real interest wasn't what was there but what wasn't. The Alliance monitored communication. The crew only used personal military accounts while on a mission. An Allliance account, whether the communication was personal or official, military exchange or family prattle, was still property of the Alliance, and they had access. The communication service logs on the Normandy showed active accounts functioning, messages exchanged between the crew to Earth or Jump Zero up until the Normandy left range. The specific messages weren't in the files. That was accessible through the Alliance mainframe if granted access or hacked, but the only messages Kaidan wanted to see wouldn't be there. Shepard's, Vega's, Adam's, numerous crew - the accounts all existed backed up on the mainframe, but not Anchor's.

Anchor's account was empty, not a single piece of even spam. Even if he never received any personal communication, he was XO. He should have mail. If the Normandy's maintenance records could be adjusted though, then Anchor's emails could have been either deleted or prevented from backing up on the Alliance's mainframe. If his messages needed to be deleted, then there must be something there to hide. Anchor would still have the messages if they were orders and information updates. He probably kept the messages saved on a non-networked data pad.

Kaidan sighed. He should probably change out of his wet uniform. He probably should have taken off his uniform following the morning's suspension. He didn't know the protocol for that. His head ached. Reading and re-reading the information recovered from Terra Firma about Anchor, reviewing his Alliance profile, Liara's information - it wasn't getting him anywhere.

A green light blinked on his Omni-Tool lighting up the room. It was pretty late to get a message with enough filter priority to alert his Omni-Tool. Kaidan straightened his back and punched up the message screen. It was a message alert from the Alliance. The Councilors were included in receiver's list and Alliance brass.

Kaidan tapped on the message. He sat straighter with a long sigh. The Alliance News Network knew about the Normandy. Someone had leaked it. ANN alerted the Alliance that they planned to air the story. They were giving their customary twenty-four hour notice before releasing it. How much they'd really know was up for debate, but they knew something violent had happened, nothing accidental. As Kaidan read further, his frown deepened. They knew about the turiens and General Taurin. Their source must have been deep because they even had a partial list of the casualties' names. The Alliance hadn't even had time to notify any families.

Kaidan finished the message and tossed his Omni-Tool spinning across his nightstand. He pulled the wet uniform shirt over his head and threw it against his dresser. At least ANN had the decency to give the Alliance notice, but it forced their hand. Twenty-four hours to contact all those families. They'd have to get a statement in order too, probably need a press conference to control the story. ANN would be all eager and ready with their questions too. The reporters and editors were probably huddled around a boardroom table right now chugging coffee and brainstorming on a white board.

Kaidan stumbled out of the last of his clothes and fell backward into bed. He really had to sleep now. Just to forget everything. Just to wake up with a clear head and make clear decisions. It was going to be damned hard to sleep now, as if it wouldn't have been already. The press conference would probably happen as early as possible to beat ANN breaking the story. Probably morning then, but with time to prepare and notify. Later morning then or early afternoon.

Kaidan rolled over and scrunched a pillow under his head. He blinked in the darkness as his eyes slowly started to make out the contrasted outlines of shapes around the room – the couch and chairs in the sitting area, the wad of clothes at the feet of the dresser across from him, the refrigerator humming next to the kitchenette's counters. Starlight filtered through the open blinds above the couch. It wasn't a giant expansive window like in Shepard's quarters, but then he didn't even deserve _these_ quarters. He was rarely at HQ to be worth granting private quarters. If not a Spectre, he would be in the Alliance's guest barracks where other officers stayed between assignments.

He studied the pale light and listened to his own breathing. It wasn't just starlight coming through. He was on Earth, after all. It could be moonlight, but he wasn't at an angel to see it if it was. Regardless, the prism of stars and nebulas was beautiful. He'd always thought that whether looking up from Earth or out the Normandy.

He had to correct himself though. That wasn't quite true. It had been more beautiful then, or at least, it seemed it in memory - staring up at the starlight, flecks glittering through a misty, undulating veil of blue energy. Awe inducing lying there watching it - the ship at FLT, low hum of speed and energy, warmth waking and shifting beside him, tilting his head to see his eyes reflecting back at him in another's. Not just anyone's eyes, Shepard's. He shivered. There - enveloped in the half-light of stars and the damn fishtank, breathing the mixed scent of fresh linen and vanilla - she'd turn her eyes up, eyelashes flickering with each slow breath, watching the stars overhead. The window's pale, blue light rippling across her face like water, his fingers tracing her face with his skin luminescing. She'd turn to him, teeth white in the low light, her skin flaring blue, and she'd lift her hand to cover his, the electrical crackle of their skin touching, stinging and shivering his arm, warm and alive where his hand pressed between the static of her palm and the tingling glow of her cheek. And then he would kiss her—

Kaidan tossed over in bed rolling away from the window to stare at the dark wall. Better not to think on those things. To want so desperately to forget and never forget at the same time. Few things as torturous. Except … except for knowing for certain he'd never see that face again outside of the darkness. The darkness of memory.

He rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. He had to stop. Thinking about these things would go nowhere. "What if's" and wistful memories would only hurt him. What would seeing her face now accomplisgh? Just some new memory to stab and twist into his gut at night in the darkness. He'd rather remember her eyes watching him in the starlight than burn an image of her lying in some medbay, already dead according to Miranda - helpless, cold, bloodless, something new haunting him when he closed his eyes. He couldn't do anything for her. If she did wake up, if the ultimate could happen, what would her eyes say when they turned to him? Happy to see a friend, he hoped, but maybe a mix of confusion, anger, annoyance at him pushing into things. She didn't need him, maybe she never had.

He squeezed his eyes tight breathing into the pillow and concentrated, head aching deeper. He thought about Omni-Tool models, thought about biotic exercises, thought about his team in Tokyo, thought about his family, thought about his dad, and finally, thought about nothing. Nothing but sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Kaidan bolted upright in his sheets. The door buzzed again. He stumbled to his feet . The faint glow of morning gleamed in the window. Another buzz. Someone was impatient. Kaidan snatched a pair of pants out of the drawer and hopped over to the apartment door drawing them up. He opened the door. Miranda raised her eyebrows, hands on her hips.

"Miranda?"

She smirked, eyeing him up and down. "Rough night?"

Kaidan rubbed the back of his hand across his face and squinted into the florescent light of the hall.

"I suppose."

Miranda's smirk deepened. She pointed at his chest as she brushed around him.

"Good thing Ori didn't tag along."

Kaidan frowned and let out a sigh. Miranda sauntered a couple of steps into the studio apartment glancing around before turning her eyes to him. Kaidan closed the door.

"I take it you changed your travel plans," he said.

"You are astute," Miranda grinned slyly.

Kaidan leaned back against the wall next to the door and stifled a yawn.

"What do you want?" he said.

"Good morning to you too. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" She glanced behind at his bed in the corner, the covers torn away, pillow on the floor.

"I guess." Kaidan said with a shrug.

Miranda turned back to him. "There's a press conference. You heard?"

"I knew there would be one."

"Are you going?" Miranda motioned at him.

"When is it?"

"This morning. A few more hours."

Kaidan squinted at her. "Hours from now? Then why the wake up call?"

"To check-in. Since I'm going on the Alliance ship like you wanted I thought … Kaidan, you don't even look a tad smug."

"I am pleased."

"That's how you look when you're pleased?"

"Anticlimactic, I know."

"Well …" Miranda tossed her head. "I suppose if you looked too pleased, I'd harass you over that too."

"So, you _are_ harassing me. I was struggling to label it."

Miranda pivoted on her heels and shot him a glare. "Anyway. I –" She paused. "You _are_ going, correct?"

He sighed. "Hell, Miranda, I don't know." He leaned his head back against the wall.

"You don't know?"

"I just woke up."

"So?" Miranda's face hardened. She stepped closer. Kaidan straightened against the wall as she came up to him. "How can you not know? I don't understand you, Kaidan."

"I don't know what to do … yet."

Miranda pursed her lips, voice hard. "I know what the words mean, Kaidan. I don't understand why you don't know. How's it even a decision?"

Kaidan held her eye but didn't say anything. She gave a soft snort and shook her head.

"You know, Kaidan … Hey. I don't know anything about your relationship with Shepard, but if there was any real friendship in it at all, you'd want to be there." Heat rose up Kaidan's neck. Miranda nearly tapped her finger into his chest as she gestured. "If you don't come, you won't see her again. You know what it means when the doctor at the hospital says 'Get the family here soon'? That's what I'm saying to you, Kaidan. You got me involved in this. Don't you even care?"

"Of course, I care," Kaidan snapped and shoved past her.

Heat coursed through his veins, and he threw open the top drawer of his dresser and tore out a shirt.

"Then what the hell is your problem?" Miranda marched up behind him and slammed her fist on top of the dresser.

Kaidan glared at her as he pulled the shirt over his head.

"Well?" Miranda said. "You're all scared about your precious position in the Alliance? Screw the Alliance! Why are you letting them hold you back?"

Kaidan held her eye as blood burned in his face. He ripped his eyes away, crossed to his bed, and tore his Omni-Tool off the nightstand. He jammed it onto his hand. Miranda's footsteps followed.

"You're too angry to even discuss this?"

"I don't need to prove my feelings for Shepard to you, Miranda."

"Damnit, Kaidan, I'm not asking you to prove it to me. Prove it to her. Why won't you come?"

Kaidan pushed around her and snatched his boots off the floor. He dropped onto the chair by his desk and tore at the laces. He glanced up as Miranda looming over him with hands on her hips.

"I didn't say I wasn't going. I said 'I don't know.'" He paused holding his boots and then said more softly. "Honestly, Miranda, I don't' know. I wish I just knew. I have to think."

Miranda checked her Omni-Tool and then looked down at him. "Fine. You have eleven hours. So, decide."

Kaidan exhaled a growl and jammed on the first boot. "Just-"

"Why?" Miranda snapped.

The second boot stopped halfway on. Kaidan squinted at the floor for a moment before pulling it the rest of the way on.

"I …" He put his foot on the floor and then looked up sharply. "I could lose everything. If what you say is true," He paused to make sure his voice stayed even, "If it's true, Miranda, I've already lost …" He didn't finish.

Miranda squatted next to him. "Not yet. I'm going to try my damnedest, and there's always a chance. I just wanted you to understand. That's why I said that." She licked her lips and waited. Kaidan focused on tying his boots but felt her eyes on his face. Her voice was quieter. "Why would you lose everything?"

"Lose Shepard. Lose the Alliance." He shook his head. "That is everything." He hesitated then finally added. "Not everything, but it feels like it."

"You're a Spectre."

"I don't even know what that means." Kaidan stood up and brushed past her as she rose.

"Kaidan …"

He stopped and turned to face her. She came up to him.

"What are you going to regret more? Years from now. Think about it."

"I … I can't do anything for her."

"Maybe not," Miranda said. "But maybe it's not for her, it's for yourself."

Kaidan crossed his arms and looked down. "I need to think."

Miranda's boots shifted on the floor in front of him. She made a sighing sound and then passed around him to the door. Kaidan didn't turn.

"I don't know if I can take seeing her that way," Kaidan whispered and heard Miranda's footsteps pause. "I know it's weak or cowardly or taking the easy way, but if I see her, it will make everything worse. Whether I'm there or not, the outcome will be the same. But, if I'm there, it could … it could break me, Miranda."

They stood silent not facing each other.

"Think of it this way," she said finally. "A while from now, Shepard's going to be going into surgery. You're all the way on Earth. Even if you changed your mind and every part of you was desperate to be there, it would be too late. You're lightyears away, and you can't be with her or see her one more time. And that's the regret you live with forever. Which one will really break you?"

Her heels clicked to the door, and it swished open. He waited for it to shut. His stomach weighed in his chest as if he'd eaten lead. He glanced to the window brightening with gray morning clouds. Last night, the stars had glittered through. A blue cast colored the memory of Shepard's face. He covered his face. Shepard was the worst and best thing to happen to him. Somehow, he'd know deep down that each high had to cost something. How could he have imagined the depth to each low he'd be called to repay?


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The Alliance's grand entrance hall crowded with reporters, Alliance uniforms, and curious passersby. Cameras bobbed overhead. Kaidan moved along the wall squeezing around the gawkers. No one was at the podium yet. Kaidan found a spot near the back of the lobby with a few less people than everywhere else.

"Major Alenko!"

Kaidan looked to the side. A woman darted around a reporter fiddling with his Omni-Tool.

"Specialist Traynor."

"I recognized you slinking along the wall. Are things going all right? Do you know anything about this press briefing?"

"Some," Kaidan said. "I haven't seen you around."

"I've been working Alliance comm networks - connecting Earth bound sites. Rather drab work really. Shepard asked me to join her on the Normandy. I'm seeing someone though, so I declined. The press conference concerns the Normandy? That's the rumor circulating."

Kaidan nodded.

"You aren't going to tell me, are you?" Traynor pressed.

A microphone crackled. The roar of the crowd died slowly as faces turned to the stage. Traynor stood on the balls of her feet straining to see over the heads of two salarians. Flight Admiral Dumas stood in the back of the stage. Kaidan vaguely recognized the man walking up to the podium as an Alliance PR official. Some Council staff and two turiens stood off to the side.

"Good afternoon, everyone." The PR official put his hands on the lectern and let the crowd settle into silence. Some reporters scurried along the back to find better angles. "I'm Captain Fred Glass, Human Systems Alliance public relations, and on behalf of the Alliance and Galactic Council, I want to thank you for coming out this morning."

Glass waited as a couple more Alliance officers took up their spots next to Dumas, other flight admirals. Councilor Mason appeared last and shook the admirals' hands as he passed before walking up to stand by the turiens. He nodded at Glass. Glass tapped his fingertips on the podium and turned back to the crowd.

"It is with all seriousness that we have assembled to address circumstances surrounding an attack aboard the SSV Normandy."

The crowd murmured. A wave of frenzied whispers rolled through the audience. Traynor stared at Kaidan. Glass put up a hand to quiet everyone.

"The Normandy, captained by Commander Shepard, was attacked several days ago during a joint mission between the Alliance and Council, one objective of which involved recovery of several stranded turien military officers. During the return to Earth and before entering Sol, the Normandy was attacked. This attack resulted in casualties. The attacking force was subdued but not before the ship sustained serious damage. The ship and crew are returning to Gagarin Station for a formal investigation." Glass waved aside questions and pressed on. "Heading this investigation will be Spectres Giriel Ursul and Ror Taccus. We will be releasing a list of confirmed dead. This is not an exhaustive list and will be added to as families are notified and more information becomes available. We will now open the floor to some brief questions."

Camera drones crowded around the stage, hands raising, and shouts rippling through the audience. Glass pointed out at someone. Kaidan couldn't see much from the back.

"Jane Todgenson, London Newscircuit. What is the status of Commander Shepard? Is she among the casualties?"

Glass answered. "Commander Shepard is in critical condition. I can not elaborate at this time."

He scanned the front row and pointed to another reporter. Traynor's eyes bored into Kaidan as he tried to focus on the stage.

A reporter introduced himself. "Can you tell us if any prominent officers are among the fallen?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, General Taurin –" Clamoring and yelling broke out through the crowd. "Unfortunately, General Taurin," Glass repeated," was killed in the attack. Also, several extinguished turien officers among his crew - Capatin Tiberivus , instrumental in the Cerberus counter-attacks at Headgruven, and Sargent Murtus, extinguished in the Battle of Loyut. Several extinguished Alliance officers are also confirmed among the dead including Commander Shepard's executive officer, Lieutenant Commander Bram Anchor, decorated for his efforts at Moulle Station. Lieutenant Nough, who received a medal for—"

Sound faded away as Kaidan replayed the last sentence over in his head. He hadn't heard it wrong. Anchor praised as a war hero, fine, but included as a victim?

"Jesse Stiner, Council 5 News. What was the nature of this attack?"

"I'm afraid I cannot go into specifics at this time, but I can say it did not involve another vessel."

Murmuring.

"Mark Jameson, LFI Corp News. If it didn't involve another ship, did it involve conflict between the turien and human crews?"

"I cannot comment on that."

"Was Commander Shepard involved?"

"I cannot comment."

"Did this involve Cerberus, who Commander Shepard formerly worked with?"

"No comment."

"Khalisah al-Jilani, Cable Vid News. Is there suspicion the Blue Sons are involved?"

"At this time, we are still investigating motives and parties behind the attack. The Blue Sons are responsible for destruction of two Alliance vessels, but that involved ship-to-ship attacks and resulted from Alliance efforts to recover the absconded ships. This does not mirror that in any way. We have no reason to believe the Normandy was prey to the same forces that lead to the destruction of the Tin Star and Raven earlier last year."

Councilor Mason stared at the floor, face almost purposefully blank, probably with effort given the tightness in his posture.

"London NC again. Are there suspicions about Terra Firma's involvement?"

"Again, this is under investigation. We have no reason to believe that at this time."

"No one has taken credit for this attack?"

"It is our impression that this attack was meant to take control of the ship for a still unknown purpose. That purpose was deflected by the valiant efforts of defending crew members. We do not believe this was primarily meant as an act of terror, though that is still possible."

"What about the death of General Taurin? Could he not have been the target?"

"That is under investigation."

The press conference continued. Traynor sidled up next to Kaidan, her brows deeply furrowed.

"Do you know what happened?" she asked.

Kaidan glanced at her. "I have a theory. No one _knows._ "

"Will Shepard be all right? Is it serious?"

"Yes."

"Yes, 'be all right' or, yes, 'serious'?"

"Both, I hope."

He focused on the stage and could feel Traynor staring at him before she turned away with a sigh. A couple more questions and Glass wrapped up the press conference. The crowd shifted, reporters turning to their cameras, likely summarizing and signing off. A few clamored after Glass and the turien Spectres as officials receded back from the podium. Two Alliance officers held back the crowd, intercepting pushy reports as they held out microphones shouting questions at Glass's back. Kaidan surged forward into the crowd.

"Major."

"Sorry, Traynor. Later."

He slipped around bodies and ducked under floating camera bots. The Councilor, Dumas, and most of the others mingled in the background behind the staging area. A few officials left exit the side shielded by security officers with reports scampered along beside them.

"Alenko!"

Diana Aller waved at him through a crowd of Alliance uniforms. She pushed around them and passed another reporter. Kaidan sped up and dodged through a stream of people making for an exit. The crowd absorbed Diana, but her hovering camera bot indicated she was breaking through the crowd. She emerged shoving around people and waving at him. He clamored to the perimeter of the stage.

"Stop." A security officer held up a hand and came over to him.

"Let him through." Commander Bailey stepped up behind the officer.

"Major Alenko!" Diana's voice boomed.

Kaidan nodded at Bailey and then slid around the security officer to a disappointed squeal behind him. Councilor Mason had left, but Dumas stood with the two Spectres just off the stage. Kaidan angled right to them.

"Alenko," Dumas said flatly as Kaidan came up beside him.

Ursul turned to Kaidan. "Spectre Alenko?"

"Yes." Kaidan extended his hand. "Spectres Ursul and Taccus?"

"What are you doing here, Alenko?" Dumas said.

Kaidan focused on the Spectres. "I noticed Commander Anchor's name included with the victims."

Ursul and Taccus exchanged looks. Dumas crossed his arms tightly and edged into Kaidan's vision.

"Alenko, this investigation no longer involves you. You're suspended from your Alliance duties and have been directed by the Council to desist. Any further involvement will have serious consequences. I am sure you are well aware of this, but consider this a warning."

Kaidan's chest tightened under the Admiral's icy stare.

"Of course, Admiral."

Taccus glanced at Dumas but drew Kaidan's attention anyway. "Lieutenant Commander Anchor is innocent until there is proof otherwise. That should be familiar, Spectre. I believe it's a root concept of due process, is it not?"

"There is circumstantial evidence," Kaidan said.

"Circumstantial?" Taccus asked. "Hardly proof."

"Enough to provide suspicion," Kaidan countered.

"Again, suspicion is not proof. Without proof, there is no guilt. Without guilt, a man is innocent. If he's innocent then he _is_ a victim."

Kaidan hesitated but had to nod finally. That was reasonable. That didn't discount suspicion of Anchor being a lead for the investigation.

Ursul spoke for the first time. "It unlikely a ship's XO would be in collusion with a crew of disguised killers picked up from a far-off space station. Really a fantastic notion, Spectre Alenko, one from action and suspense vids." Her eyes met his with a hard, dark glint.

Kaidan frowned. He wasn't sure what to say. He could repeat James's suspicions - Anchor rigged an Alliance shuttle to explode based on a recovered amplifier cable, and Cortez seeing Anchor near the drive panel. That probably held as much traction as bringing up Anchor's connection to Terra Firma when it was a political party or his messages not being backed up on the Alliance's mainframe.

"Alenko-" Dumas started.

Ursul raised her voice over his. "We know you prejudiced Commander Shepard and by extensions members of the crew she confided in, including Lieutenant Commander Vega. He's the one that provided this speculative information on Anchor. Speculation he reported reluctantly while given leading questions fueled by your pre-determined suspicions."

"The investigation needs an objective and unbiased view," Taccus agreed.

"Your attempts to bias us now," Ursul bared her teeth, "is not appreciated. We will draw our own conclusions."

Kaidan didn't have any words. Provided leads by their very nature likely introduced bias. It was unavoidable.

"Alenko," Dumas said again. "The Spectres have humored you answering questions they, by no means, needed to address with you. You are not to try influencing their investigation."

The Spectres studied Kaidan with cold eyes. Dumas stepped further into Kaidan's line of vision and stared pointedly at him as if waiting for something.

"I won't impede the investigation," Kaidan agreed. "But, I did want you to know that I'm going to Jump Zero for personal reasons."

"Personal reasons?" Dumas's eyes widened, but then a small grin lifted the corners of his mouth.

"Commander Shepard's a friend," Kaidan said. The way Dumas was looking at him made Kaidan's skin itch. Kaidan continued, "As well as many of the crew. James Vega, Jeff Moreau."

"This is not appropriate," Taccus said. "By spending time with the crew, you may influence the outcome of any conversations we have with them."

"I won't speak with them about this," Kaidan offered.

"That's not good enough," Ursul said. "Unintentionally or intentionally, Taccus is right."

"Then I won't speak to them until you're through questioning them," Kaidan said.

Ursul snorted and shook her head. "You may cause them to withdraw statements after the fact. Influence official testimony for more formal hearings."

Kaidan gaped at them and turned to Admiral Dumas. "Sir, please. I can't be expected to avoid them until all formal hearings are concluded six months from now. Other Alliance officers aren't forbidden from associating with their comrades just because they're involved in an ongoing investigation. I agree not to discuss this with them. I won't talk to them until they're cleared from questioning."

Dumas's jaw flexed. "Be careful you don't border on fraternization, Alenko. You're a major. Friends are not prohibited but being unduly familiar is, tan admittingly vague definition."

"Sir, I've only seen that applied to romantic relationships and joint business ventures, despite the vague phrasing."

Dumas glared but didn't say anything more.

"It seems unnecessary and atypical to prevent to prevent Spectre Alenko from affiliating with the fellow officers he is friends with for that extent of time," Taccus said finally. "I am inclined to allow him to see them granted we have spoken to them first, and the Spectre agrees not to try influencing their future testimony, whether by addition or subtraction of facts."

Ursul scowled at Taccus then finally turned back to Kaidan. "Fine. As long as Alenko waits for our official clearance on each person before speaking to someone."

Dumas's mouth drew into a hard line. "As this is an investigation conducted by the Council, I will not try to overrule anything the Spectres decide. But," he turned on his heels to stare Kaidan in the eye, "you are suspended from the Alliance. While as a civilian you may be on Gagarin and come and go from the medical sector, you are not an officer. Therefore, you have no access to the Normandy, electronically, physically, or through a third party. You will travel as a civilian, stay as a civilian, and return as a civilian. And though you are off duty, Alenko, improper officer conduct and fraternization regs are not waived. I hope you are aware that that is, of course, always true."

Ursul looked back and forth between Kaidan and Dumas with what probably constituted a turien frown. Taccus clasped his talons behind his back and stood silent.

"Understood, Admiral. Thank you. Spectres."

Kaidans nodded to them and turned on his feet. Only as he ducked through the crowd down a side hallway did he realize he'd made up his mind.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Kaidan skirted around the docking terminal's crowd as they whooped and yelled. They gathered around one of the gates, probably two dozen people. Kaidan gawked as he tried to steer around a few stragglers stepping in front of Kaidan to cheer at whoever was coming out the gate. Kaidan lifted his bag over a row of chairs and edged past. The cheers rose higher. Kaidan looked back over his shoulder.

Councilor Mason marched up to the crowd with a glowing smile. The crowd murmured and parted as heads turned realizing he was there trying to push through. Mason absorbed into the crowd, only visible through the slots of space between people circling him. A man coming out the docking gate. He threw his arms around Mason. Kaidan hedged to make out the home comer - Alliance uniform, taller than Mason, same slender build and hair line starting to thin on the crown. Mason wrapped his arms around the soldier and squeezed.

Kaidan swallowed. What Kaidan wouldn't give to see his dad again. He hadn't appreciated their last time together, such a fleeting hello and good bye two days before the reapers set down in Vancouver. They'd had just enough time for vapid pleasantries and a hug. At least, they'd had that. Kaidan could have been off on assignment rather than at Shepard's trial.

Mason released the hug and grabbed the soldier's bag. Mason's son was some war hero. Kaidan remembered that now – Mason had two children, twins, both biotics in the Alliance, both war hero's in their own right. His son had been involved in some big European battle during the invasion. Decorated for it. The award ceremony may have been the last time he was at HQ, but then Kaidan remembered the Tin Star. Kaidan closed his eyes for a moment and then turned away. Here Kaidan was jealous of someone's father when Mason's son probably missed his mother.

Kaidan continued down the docks. Liara stood by the gate at the end, back straight and alert. Her asari assistant hovered around her talking into an audio comm, her voice too quiet to make out actual words. Liara's head turned, and she caught sight of Kaidan. She snapped around with a smile.

"You did come."

"I messaged you." Kaidan hoisted his bag high on his shoulder.

"I'm glad you decided to come. I was waiting for you."

Kaidan moved out of the terminal's hallway into the dock's waiting are. Liara's assistant gestured wildly in a furious whisper.

"Is your assistant coming?" Kaidan asked.

"No, she's not on the passenger list. We're just tying up a few threads before departure."

"Ah," Kaidan said. "I, uh, didn't think of asking for her name to be added."

"It's of no concern. It will be good to have a break."

"You're really taking a break?"

Liara shrugged. "I'll still be in communication, monitoring, tracking auctions. As much of a break as someone like I can take."

"Hmm," Kaidan nodded. "Well, I'm off the grid. The benefits of being suspended. Who knew?"

"That's … a good attitude, I suppose."

"Right," Kaidan grinned. "Did you believe it?"

"You're very convincing."

Kaidan peered over at the docking gate. "Are we waiting to board?"

"I think you may get on any time you wish. I was just finishing up with Benna."

The assistant scrolled down her datapad as she paced rigidly. Her head bobbed wildly with each word that she spat into the comm.

"Seems upset," Kaidan observed.

"Some clients aren't pleased with the outcome of their information requests. As a policy, there are no … refunds, for a better word. We don't accept threats against our contractors."

"Hmm." Kaidan craned his neck looking around the docking area.

Humans mostly, small crowds gathered here and there around docking gates all the way down the terminal. There was still a couple of hours until departure.

"So, uh …" Kaidan glanced at their docking gate again. "You seen Miranda?"

"Miranda Lawson?" Liara asked. "She's already aboard."

"Ah."

Liara eyed him. "You don't need to stay out here for me, you know."

"I know." Kaidan dropped his bag and took a seat in a row of chairs. "Two hours …"

"Closer to ninety minutes," Liara said. "Everyone should be aboard thirty minutes before departure. Final checks."

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Yeah. I know."

"Well, I didn't mean to imply you—"

"Don't worry." Kaidan waved his hand dismissively.

Liara strolled over and took the chair next to him. She always sat so straight. If you lived for a thousand years, it made sense to develop good posture. A few decades as a human with a bad back had to pale next to centuries with one. Kaidan stifled a grin. Was he really thinking about bad backs and posture? He _was_ desperate to avoid dwelling on … other things. Dwelling on dwelling now. Liara looked over at him.

"You and Miranda had a row?"

Kaidan blinked at her. "What?"

"A row. You quarreled?"

"Quarreled?" Kaidan laughed lightly and grinned. He leaned an elbow on the arm rest and leaned on a fist. "Yeah, you could say we … quarreled."

"I think you're making fun of me."

"No, just amused."

"Well …" Liara looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

Kaidan smiled. "You know how much I like you, Liara. I'm not making fun. But, uh … don't be so sensitive."

He gave her a small shove with his free hand. A smile stretched across her face.

"Fine. I guess, everything just feels serious is all."

Kaidan looked off. "Yeah." He thought for a moment then frowned. "How did you know about … did Miranda say something?"

"The Shadow Broker knows all," Liara said sagely.

Kaidan's brow wrinkled. It deepened as he stared at the floor. Liara pushed his arm lightly as if trying out the gesture.

"What?" he asked.

"That was a joke." She grinned.

"Oh, good. I got concerned there. Wondered what else you knew."

"Maybe you should wonder what I _don't_ know."

"Huh. Well, if that's the case - I lost a gray sock in the laundry last week. Red stripe on top. Any information you have would be appreciated."

"Whereabout information isn't a guarantee of recovery."

"I don't want to know the whereabouts. I want to know _how_ it go lost. I checked the dryer, kept everything in one basket. Just keep asking myself what I did wrong, why me."

"Very well, Kaidan. It fell out of the basket when you dumped the laundry on your bed. It's under the lower left corner of the bed next to the generic black sock you're also missing, but you won't remember losing."

Kaidan stared at her.

Liara grinned and leaned in eyeing him. "I see everything …"

"You're giving me shivers." He leaned away.

Liara chuckled and sat back.

Kaidan shook his head. "You know, if departure wasn't so close, I'd be racing back to my room to check under the bed."

"And if it's there?"

"I'll be terrified, and also, writing up a list of everything else I'm still looking for."

"I'd put my best people on it."

Liara smiled broadly at him. The grin held as she looked forward and interlaced her hands in her lap. Back to the good posture. Wow. The unemployment rate for chiropractors on Thessia must be staggering.

"So, how did you know?" Kaidan said quickly.

Enough thinking about posture.

"It was a strain to piece it together," Liara said.

Kaidan straightened. "So … Miranda asked if I was coming, cursed my name, and stormed onto the ship?"

"Something like that." Liara raised her eyebrows at him. "That's pretty good. Ever think of working for the Shadow Broker?"

"Is there dental insurance?"

"All sorts of benefits."

"I feel like you're propositioning me, Liara."

"We could really use someone with your talents."

"Still feel like I'm being propositioned."

Liara broke a grin. "I'm talking about your talents of deduction. What are you talking about?"

Kaidan beamed at her. "Liara, you really are developing an edge. You just had a bawdy exchange with me."

"Wait, wait … I have more." Liara twisted in her chair to face him grinning. "How's your teamwork? If you're flexible, there are open holes to fill."

"Liara!" Kaidan gaped. He darted a glance around them. "You're going to make me blush."

"Just a warning though, we do expect rigid hours of service. Don't come early or pull out too soon."

"What!"

"And, hmm, how about - Competition is stiff. We fill our client openings by pushing large incentives."

"How do you even know this human stuff?"

"Another? We give our customers more than just lip service. We provide a generous package with the full spread."

"Liara!" Kaidan covered his face with his hand.

"Wait, no. This is better. Scrap that one. Here …"

"I'm afraid." He peered at her through his fingers.

"Our current thrust in excellence is to push long and hard to please all our clients' needs."

"Liara! I need ten showers I feel so dirty."

"Wait. This one—"

"I don't want to board early with Miranda, Liara. Don't put me in that position."

"What type of position?"

Kaidan laughed and shook his head with a grimacing smile. "I helped create a monster." He stood up and looked down on her. "You know there is a difference between bawdy and … well, _that_."

"You thought I was being too serious."

"Trust me. I'll be reviewing this to see where I first went wrong."

"Reviewing it, hmm, Kaidan?" Liara raised an eyebrow.

"Not for posterity." Kaidan picked up his bag. "More like a crisis recovery project. How do you even know all that stuff? It's human stuff."

Liara sighed slowly and slouched in the chair with a smug smile.

"Very pleased with yourself, I see." Kaidan turned to the gate. "You're ruining your posture by the way."

"Greet Miranda for me."

"You know, Liara," Kaidan said turning and continuing to walk backward, "I'm actually a little afraid to look under my bed when I get back, and I haven't felt that way since I was six. Maybe Miranda's not that scary after all."

Liara's teeth gleamed at him. He turned back around and passed through the gate into the airlock. He hesitated on the boarding platform outside the airlock. Okay, maybe he was still a little afraid of Miranda. Nothing for it though. He lifted the bag higher on his shoulder and pushed the button to open the ship's airlock.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Kaidan had forgotten how much more utilitarian other Alliance ships were compared to the Normandy. Then again, the new Normandy was built by Cerberus, maybe it didn't really count for a comparison. An Alliance vessel would never have put a fish tank in the Captain's quarters.

He slid down a narrow, metal hallway of the Balmoral. Everything was so dark and cramped. Open space was a waste of space to the Alliance. Kaidan had served on ships like this his whole life, but a year and a half on the Normandy, and he'd turned into a ship snob.

Being restricted to passenger areas was new though. He had access to a bunk, the bathrooms, and the passengers' portside lounge. The mess hall was his only real contact with the crew. He dry swallowed at that taste in his mouth again and stopped at the bathrooms. He drank facet water out his hands with a grimace. Two chasers of water hadn't cut it. That fruit juice, whatever it was, had an attitude. One sip was already one too many. Damn, he was even a snob over the ship's food.

Seeing Ursul and Taccus in the mess hall was the first glimpsed he'd gotten of them since boarding. He'd been hoping to talk to them. Maybe if they if he talked to them while they weren't shoulder to shoulder with the flight admiral, they could get somewhere. But they'd pointedly avoided his eyes the whole meal.

Kaidan lingered outside the bathroom weighing his options before turning toward the lounge. A second lieutenant hurried past and gave Kaidan a curt nod. Kaidan was kind of a pariah he was discovering, at least on board this ship. They were nice enough, but there was something there - pity or disgust, maybe a mixture. They knew who he was and that he'd been suspended. They'd probably been advised to make sure he kept to the appropriate areas.

The longue doors opened onto a dim space cluttered with metal chairs and tables. A couch rested against the bulkhead. Most of the passengers were probably still synchronize to Earth's day and night cycle. It was empty except for Miranda hunched over a datapad in the middle of the room. She didn't look up, and Kaidan glanced back at the door. The doors started to slid shut, and his hand twitched to reach out and catch it. He paused watching the door seal shut and steeling himself. He dropped into the chair across from Miranda.

His gaze drifted over the little metal room, like the inside of can. He missed the windows on the Normandy. Of course, he did, he was a ship snob now after all.

"You want to talk?" he finally asked.

She looked up through her eyelashes at him. "Not particularly, no."

"Understood."

He pulled up a screen on his Omni-Tool. It was weird not to have Alliance field reports, requisition papers, and briefings to review. Tali, Garrus, and many of his other friends from the Normandy were flooding his inbox. He still didn't know what to say or how much he could say. He needed to write something back though.

"I suppose you want to hug this out," Miranda said not looking up from the datapad. It lay flat on the table in front of her.

"Talk it out, yeah. Why not?"

"What's there to say? You're here. Congratulations."

"Okay." Kaidan set his datapad down on his leg. Miranda hunch even further over her reading, and Kaidan sighed. "I don't feel like that cleared the air."

Miranda's eye flickered up at him. "We don't need to be friends, Kaidan. We both care about Shepard, that's enough."

"All right. I'll work with that, but I'd rather we were friends, or friendly."

"Kaidan." She sat up straight and looked him in the eye. "You're not all bad. I think you're okay, but we are not friends."

Kaidan held her eye for a moment and then gave her a slow nod. He grabbed his datapad and stood up.

"For what it's worth, Miranda, you were right. I would have regretted it, and I appreciate you telling me that."

He opened the lounge door.

"Kaidan."

He paused. Miranda cocked her head and gave a long sigh.

"We can be … friendly."

Kaidan gave a one-cornered smile. "Thanks."

He made his way to his bunk with a yasn and flopped down. He lifted the datapad above his face reading another message. His bunkmate, some relative of an Alliance Captain on Jump Zero, snored softly above him. The metal frame creaked overhead as the man rolled over. At least, Kaidan only had one roommate. The room was too small for more than one bunk. The datapad drifted lowered in Kaidan's hand and drooped onto his chest. He should message Tali back, fill her in before he forgot. He closed his eyes.

XXX

"Kaidan!"

Kaidan started. He stared around himself, head pounding, and sick to his stomach. He was lying in a bunk somewhere. The light overhead was so bright. Something slipped off his chest and clattered to the floor as he sat up. He blinked trying to focus. He was on the ship to Jump Zero. That was right.

Liara sat on the edge of his bed and peered at him. Something jabbed his shoulder, his datapad. He snatched it and looked up.

"Uh, thanks, Miranda."

He dropped it in bed next to him and rubbed his face roughly with the back of a hand. The room shifted around him, and he squeezed his eyes shut. Usually his headaches were better, not worse when he woke up. He took a breath twisting and putting his feet on the floor. His bunk mate was gone. It was only the three of them.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Only twenty-fours left," Liara said.

"What?" he shot up and grazed his head on the upper bunk.

"Careful!" Liara said.

"Jump Zero already?"

"You said it was faster than a freighter," Miranda strolled to the wall next to the door and put her back to it.

"How long was I asleep?"

"How should we know that?" Miranda asked.

"When did we talk in the lounge?"

"Yesterday," Miranda said. She checked her Omni-Tool. "Twenty-four … Twenty-two hours ago maybe."

Kaidan hunched forward and held his head. The bunk creaked, and Liara's feet rushed up next to him.

"Are you all right?"

"How did I sleep for twenty-two hours?"

His stomach churned.

Miranda's boot clicked closer. "Maybe you were—"

"Sorry."

Kaidan rushed past her. He made it to the bathroom just in time to vomit. No one was around. He had that much luck. He slid down onto the cold tiles and rested his face against the wall. He might throw up again. He tensed. Yep. He lunged forward.

XXX

"Goddess, Kaidan."

Liara twisted her hands and peered into his face. He staggered past them wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I think I better lie down."

"You're sick?" Liara tripped along beside him. "Is it a migraine?"

Liara and Miranda followed him back to his room. He ducked under the top bunk and fell back into his sheets. The muscles of his legs felt shaky and weak. His head screamed. There was medicine in the bag at the foot of his bed, but he didn't trust his stomach.

"Are you all right?" Liara lowered by the head of the bed.

"I think I need to sleep," he murmured.

"You've already slept." Miranda loomed above, a shadow against the overhead light. "You really slept twenty-two hours? And, you still need more sleep?"

"I don't know." He closed his eyes.

A hand shook his shoulder. Miranda bent over him, and Liara motioned her off with a hand.

"If he needs to sleep …" Liara said.

"He doesn't need to sleep."

"I need to sleep," Kaidan repeated, his voice fainter than he intended.

"See," Liara said. "He's sick."

"Okay then." Miranda placed both hands on her hips. "But why's he sick?"

"He gets migraine from the—"

"I'm right here," Kaidan said.

"Yes, we know that." Miranda crouched next to his face.

She grabbed his wrist. He pulled away, but she held fast.

"Stop," she snapped and extended his arm out.

She waited holding his wrist and then folded his arm back to his chest. Her Omni-Tool light cut into the shadow under the top bunk, and she peered into each of his eyes. He cringed, but the bright light in each eye didn't cut and explode through his brain like it usually did. She stood back chewing a lip as if considering it. She bent and touched his forehead with the back of her fingers.

"A human contagion?" Liara stood. "Perhaps—"

"No," Miranda said. She moved her face to fill his drooping vision. "Did you eat anything?"

"He's sick," Liara said. "We've been with him. He hasn't eaten."

"Not now. Before. What did you eat before?"

"There was something I drank that was … off."

"Off?"

"Tasted off. I only had a sip." He put a hand to his temple. "What was wrong with it?"

"Someone bring it to you?"

"No, I got it myself."

"Did you leave it unattended?"

"Hell, I don't know." He dropped his hand to his side. "I don't usually make a point of attending my drink."

"Maybe you should. In the future."

"You think he was poisoned?" Liara asked.

"I don't know," Miranda said. "I don't have a way to test him, and the drink, if it was adulterated, is long gone too."

"Someone was trying to kill him?" Liara's eyes rounded.

"He only had a sip fortunately. You usually don't poison someone for a twenty-two hour nap."

"I really want to make that more than twenty-two," Kaidan said and then sighed. "Can I just sleep?"

"No." Miranda bent down and shook his shoulder. "Stay awake. You're lucky you woke up at all."

"If that's true," Liara said. "Poisoned …"

"If that's true," Miranda repeated.

"Who though?" Liara asked.

"Anyone." Miranda shrugged. "He's nosing around in things a lot of people would kill over. If someone wasn't worried about getting away with it, there are a lot of ways to accomplish it."

Kaidan moaned. "Please just go."

"No." Miranda snapped her fingers in his face. "Why don't you just get out of bed."

"Why can't he sleep?" Liara crossed her arms.

"Because, if he was poisoned, we don't know what it is. We don't' know how long it will last or even what it does. Maybe it's the metabolites that will kill him. They just need to accumulate more. I don't know. Just … just best to stay awake."

Kaidan groaned and sat up. "Fine."

Liara clicked her tongue. "Could the other Spectres …"

"No," Kaidan said. "I was watching them the whole time."

Liara shrugged. "They could have given it to a third party."

"I just don't think so," Kaidan said. "We don't know any of this is true anyway."

"He's right," Miranda said. "There's a lot of crew, passengers. Anyone could be involved."

Kaidan shrugged. "Just look for the most disappointed face when I show up for dinner."

"Kaidan," Liara said with a frown.

Miranda grinned. "Sure, but maybe we should just skip some meals until we get to the station. Get our own drinks."

"And attend them … apparently," Kaidan said.

"You do learn," Miranda said.

"Goddess, this is fantastic. I can't believe … if someone wants you dead, really wants you dead, it's hard to stop them."

Kaidan shot a look up at her. "Thanks, Liara. You really know what to say."

"Well, it's true," Liara said.

"In a way," Kaidan agree reluctantly.

"Okay." Miranda checked her Omni-Tool. "We'll be at Gagarin in the next twenty-four hours or so. Let's keep together until then. And no sleeping." She shoved Kaidan.

"Damnit, Miranda, I wasn't." He batted her hand away and stood. "I don't sleep with my eyes open."

"Think your roommate's going to mind us in here?" Liara asked.

"Probably only mind you and me. Pretty sure he was checking you out, Miranda."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "We'll stay together and ride it out. Let's keep out of your bunkmate's way. Let's go to the lounge."

Already to the door, Liara paused and waited. Kaidan picked up his pillow. Miranda tore it away.

"No."

"I wasn't going to sleep."

"What then? Pillow fight?"

She tossed it back on the bunk and grabbed him around the arm. She dragged him to the door.

He pulled his arm loose. "All right, you brute."

Miranda grinned lopsidedly. "Whatever. Go."

They found the lounge mostly empty. Two other passengers looked up from a table, gathered their things, and left.

"Not expanding our social circle tonight, I guess." Kaidan pulled out a chair and sat down with a thud.

"You're loopy." Liara sat down next to him.

"Yeah. I feel weird."

Miranda lingered next to a chair across from him before she finally sat. Liara folded her hands on the metal tabletop and stared ahead.

"What do you want to do?" Kaidan asked. "I know what _I_ want to do, but someone vetoed it."

"Let's not drive each other crazy, for one," Miranda said. "We have over twenty hours of this."

"Do _you_ get to sleep?" Kaidan glanced between them with narrowing eyes.

Miranda hung her head. "This is going to be the longest part of the trip."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Kaidan's eyes blinked open. He lurched upright with a gasp. He was in a bed and strained to focus as the room spun around him. It felt like he may fall backward, and he braced himself with a shaky arm.

"Kaidan!" Liara's voice.

This all seemed familiar - waking up, Liara here, feeling sick like this. He hadn't been drinking. That was a different time. He closed his eyes and felt a touch on his back.

"Maybe you should lie down."

The bed beneath him steadied. His head was starting to clear. He opened his eyes slowly. Liara's face, brow furrowed, blocked everything else from view.

"Are you still feeling sick?" she asked.

"Sick?"

He scooted back against the bed's metal headboard. The edge of the bed dipped as Liara sat down. This was so familiar, a memory on the edge of remembering.

"You're bewildered," she said.

Gray, blank walls wrapped around them. His bag sat in the corner. He was in a real bed, not a bunk bed. He wasn't on the ship then. He suddenly remembered he'd been a ship. Liara shifted on the bed next to him with a frown. She'd sat on the edge of his bunk bed on the ship when …

"Was I poisoned?" he asked.

It was ridiculous heard aloud, but the memory was there. Fuzzy but real.

"Yes. You don't remember?"

Kaidan frowned. Some of it was there, pieces and flashes - the ship, a medical bay, here.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"Gagarin."

"Jump Zero …"

"You don't remember this?"

"Jump Zero." Kaidan repeated slowly. His back shot straight. He tore away the sheets and swung his feet off the bed. "Where's Shepard?"

"She's here," Liara said.

Kaidan stumbled to his feet. He swayed and clutched the top of the headboard with one hand.

"Careful," Liara said. "Miranda said you'll be weak."

"Weak?"

The floor was stabilizing. He slowly let go of the bedframe. His legs felt steadier.

"Eat something," Liara said going over to a kitchenet in the corner. "You want applesauce? It's a human food."

"Applesauce?" Kaidan said.

"Miranda said you'd need to eat. You don't remember going to the med ward? Miranda checking you over?"

"No. I … it's all fuzzy."

Liara shoved a cup and spoon at him. "Just eat this."

She waved it in front of him until he took it.

"We kept you awake until we docked at the station. Miranda took you straight off to the medical ward. You were fine, woozy, but fine. I brought you back here. You've been sleeping."

"What's going on with Shepard?" Kaidan said.

"Miranda's with her," Liara said. "Kaidan, she's comatose."

Kaidan leaned against the wall next to his bed. His body still felt shaky, shivery. He tore off the applesauce's lid and dug his spoon in. He knew she was in a coma but hearing it still stung. He stared at the applesauce on his spoon before taking a slow bite. If he had to eat applesauce, it damn well better make him feel better, at least physically.

"Why aren't you with her?" He jabbed the empty spoon in Liara's direction before scooping another bite. "Why are you here with me?"

Liara's arms crossed. "I did see her, Kaidan. You think I don't care?"

"No." Kaidan pulled the upside-down spoon out from his mouth and set it back in the applesauce. "I wasn't saying that."

"Then what?" Liara raised her eyebrows.

"Hell, Liara, I don't know."

Liara sniffed and turned away.

"This is your room. We rented it for you." Liara paused at his door. "You can find your way to the medical ward?"

Kaidan nodded. She marched out without glancing back. Kaidan finished the applesauce and tossed the container across the room at the wastebasket. He pushed off the wall and found his bag in the corner. The clothes he was wore were from two days ago. He rubbed the stubble along his jaw.

His eyes fell on the bathroom door in the corner. He had his own bathroom, a novel thing on Jump Zero. Jump Zero. It was surreal. He'd never wanted to come back here, but he couldn't think about it too much. He wasn't here for nostalgia. He was here for Shepard. He could get ready fast. His bag had what he needed, and he rifled through it then headed to the bathroom.

XXX

Maybe he could have used help finding the medical ward. He scurried through the corridors trying different directions before he came across a sign. The tight corridors, low ceilings, the metal floors punctuated with vent panels felt eerie and unsettling, even when he tried to push it down. As his boot tapped over one of the vents, he could almost imagine stopping to pull it up, he and his friends sliding down inside and clapping the panel shut before those loud footsteps came around the corner. This was probably where the security or station workers lived since the rooms were studio apartments and had their own bathrooms. He wouldn't have been in this section of the station much, but the halls were the same.

He turned the corner. Wide metal and plexiglass doors stood at the end of a short hallway with "Medical Ward" printed over top. Kaidan sped up. The doors slid aside, and he moved through a large open sitting area. A few civilians, station personnel probably, paced along the walls and fidgeted in chairs. A woman at the desk looked up as Kaidan rushed up to her.

"I'm looking for—"

"Kaidan."

Miranda's head popped around the corner of an open doorway to his right.

"Uh, never mind." He nodded to the receptionist and backed away.

Miranda wore a white lab coat, her hair tied up on top of her head. She gave him a dull expression, dark crests under her eyes, as she ushered him through the doorway.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"Me? I'm fine."

She indicated a white-washed hallway off to the side. He stepped in beside her, the air buzzing with florescent lighting and smelling of bleach. She didn't rush at her usual breakneck pace, more of a slow plod. A datapad hung limply from the hand at her side. She turned at an intersection.

"You're better, I take it?" Miranda said. "Your tox screen came back. Picked up levels of Trans-Carboxytraslucent Maltose (TCM). It wasn't able to pick up on the other metabolites or the originating poison, but nothing you don't already know."

"Why would I know that?"

"All your work on Terra Firma, all those poisonings. TCM always comes back in the blood. Sure, it's a poison itself, causes respiratory arrest, but they aren't using straight TCM. You're studying these guys. You don't know that?"

"I probably read it somewhere," Kaidan sighed. "TCM doesn't mean anything to me. It's a poison. That's all I need to know."

"Well, that 'TCM,' that you don't need to know, almost headlined your postmortem. Might be worth reading up on. The TCM antidotes hasn't worked on your poisoning victims. It's just a metabolite of the starting poisoning, and there have to be other metabolites there. It's too much going on to just be TCM – sedation, amnesia, paralysis, and at the higher doses, death. TCM isn't even absorbed orally. Find that originating poison, you could create a binding agent to neutralize it."

"Can we not talk about this right now," Kaidan said.

Miranda's eyes drooped, and she brought the back of her hand to her mouth. Her jaw clenched as if stifling a yawn.

"Have you slept?" he asked.

She dropped her hand and shot him a smirk. "I'm sure you don't understand that kind of resilience."

He had a vague memory of her stealing his pillow.

"I was, uh … pretty out of it."

Miranda shrugged. "That's the excuse drunks use too, but I've always thought that when someone's loosened like that, you see who they really are."

"And, what? You think I'm fussy?"

"Stubborn." Miranda slowed at the end of a hall splitting two directions. "Amusing though. Sometimes. You remember challenging us to that made up biotics game?"

"Vaguely."

Miranda pointed right, and they continued at a slow pace. He wanted to push ahead and make her pick up her feet, but the slow amble and look in her eyes he kept in pace beside her. Miranda smirked glancing sideways at him.

"Your little biotic contests – see who could stack the chairs the highest, lift the most chairs the longest, the tug-o-war."

Kaidan grinned despite himself. He really didn't feel like grinning.

"Yeah, okay. I do kind of remember that. What else do you do when all your friends in the room are biotics? Well, not _friends_ , _friend_ and someone you're friendly with?"

Miranda raised an eyebrow with a slanting smile, then looked forward again. "Kaidan, I suppose it didn't occur to you, but there are things to do that don't involve biotic one-upmanship - like reading, conversation, thoughtful reflections."

"You're setting me up for failure, Miranda. You wanted me awake, right?"

They slowed as they came up to a metal door. Kaidan's heart throbbed in his throat.

"She's inside," Miranda said.

"Okay."

He took a breath listening to his heartbeat. He reached for the open button.

"She's not going to wake up," Miranda said making Kaidan's hand pause. "Not until I figure this out and something gets done."

"The implant. Have you …"

"Not yet. Looking at the scans, it's what I thought but …" She shoved her hands into her lab coat pockets and lowered her gaze.

Kaidan stepped back from the door. "What?"

"It's getting worse, Kaidan." She looked him in the eye. "The brain activity - it's not static like I assumed. It's increasing. Since we've been here, it's already increased. Spiraling up, spreading."

Kaidan dropped his forehead into his hand for a moment before looking what up.

"What does that mean?"

"It will spread to the cerebellum. She'll be on a respirator. It will continue to ramp up until it's too much, burns out in a burst. Even now, I'm not sure what damage it's causing. Maybe nothing yet but it will."

"You need to do something soon?" Kaidan said.

Miranda met his eyes. "Soon."

Kaidan nodded slowly. His chest felt hollow.

"Okay."

"I know you don't want me to—"

"Do it."

Miranda's lips parted, eyebrows drawing together as she studied him.

"You said …"

"I said I would trust you. I do. Do whatever you need to do."

"Kaidan." Miranda stepped in close putting her face a hand's breath from his. "If something goes wrong, I won't have you holding it against me."

Kaidan's brow pinched. She stared at her.

"Hell, Miranda, I wouldn't do that."

"You really think so?"

"Yes, I think that."

"Fine."

Miranda shrugged and stepped back from him.

"Miranda, you saved Shepard before. You brought her back from the dead for Hell's sake. If something happened, I'd never—"

"I said okay." Miranda threw up a hand. She nodded toward the door. "Go ahead."

"When would you …"

"I need to get things prepared. There are still some things to try first. I'll tell you before …"

Kaidan set his mouth and gave a her a nod. She turned and started down the way they had come. The clicking of her heels echoed back to him. He put a palm on the door and leaned against it for a second. Then he touched the button and walked in.

XXX

Kaidan stopped in the doorway. A hospital bed stood in the center of the room with a blanketed form surrounded by blinking monitors. His eyes fixed on her face. The ashen-hue made his breath catch, and he stumbled a step forward. The door clicked shut. He jumped.

A chair creaked beside the bed. Kaidan hadn't noticed it. It had been dragged up to the foot of her bed. A head twisted and looked over the back of the chair at him.

"Joker?"

"Kaidan?" Joker said. He blinked at Kaidan, eyes shifting to the door behind. "Damn. Where'd you come from?"

Kaidan drew closer. He rarely saw Joker without his baseball cap. The hat lay on his lap. Joker shifted in his seat. The crutches propped against his chair slipped and clanged together. Joker reached out to steady them.

"Joker?" Kaidan repeated still surprised.

"Uh, hasn't been that long, right, Kaidan? We're back to introductions?"

Kaidan's eyes moved to Shepard. Her closed eyes sank into shadowy hollows, skin waxy and bloodless. Kaidan touched her hand. Cold. It took concentration, but he could see her chest rise and fall under the scratchy-looking cloth blanket.

"Shepard …"

Joker moved in his chair and grabbed his crutches. "I'm going."

"Stay." Kaidan looked over his shoulder and nodded to the chair, but Joker was already standing.

Joker rubbed roughly at his face, red splotches rimming his eyes. He caught Kaidan looking at him and pulled his cap on. He tugged the bill low over his face. The chair scrapped back as Joker shoved off it and put his weight on the crutches.

"Joker …"

"I was going to leave anyway. Conversation was good and all but kinda felt like she was zoning out on me at the end."

Joker paused at the door. Maybe he expected Kaidan to say something, but Kaidan's mouth felt dry. He looked back down at Shepard's face, and Joker let out a soft snort.

"Well, okay then. So nice catching up with you, Kaidan. Like usual. I'll just be going. Wouldn't want to make it seem there's more than just you who cares about Shepard."

Kaidan didn't look back at the door and waited until it slid shut over the sound of Joker's crutches going down the hall. Kaidan grabbed Shepard's hand and held it in both of his. She should look like she was sleeping, but she didn't. Gray mottled her skin. The hollows of her checks and crevice of her eyes sank into shadow. Her lips made an expressionless, rigid line, chapped and blood-drained. Her skin felt frozen. He squeezed her hand between his, but her hand wouldn't warm.

He drew Joker's chair up to the head of the bed and sat. He clutched her cold fingers and stared at her. Her face blurred, and he was glad he wasn't light years away. Miranda was right. He wouldn't want to be anywhere else.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

"You're not finding anything either then?" Kaidan paced in the hospital lounge.

"The Normandy's computer looks the same as the Alliance's mainframe. I can't find anything even to restore. It was never backed up," Liara said.

"He had to have messages, at least spam."

"I don't know why you think I could find something to restore if you couldn't. My people do the hacking, not me."

"Different perspective, different approach. Worth a try at least. He must have a non-networked device then."

"Kaidan," Liara said. "Let's do something else. This is useless."

Kaidan pulled a chair out from the table and thudded down next to her. It was nice they'd been given access to one of the hospital's lounges, but it was starting to close in. Shepard's room was just down the hall. The lounge was really meant for patient's families. They were the closest thing to it though. Liara turned off the datapad and set it on the table.

"James asked me again—"

"I can't," Kaidan said. "Not until the Spectres give me clearance to see him. He's probably their best sources of information."

Liara folded her hands on the table top. "Have they cleared you to talk to anyone?"

Adams and Cortez were the hospital rooms down the hall. It grated on Kaidan's nerve every time he passed by their rooms. Their conditions were stable, healing, but it would be nice to check in on them, even just briefly.

"I haven't been cleared to see anyone yet," Kaidan said.

"It's been a few days."

"Oh, I know." Kaidan leaned back in his chair and poked at the table leg with his boot. "Does this table seem wobbly to you?"

"Yes," Liara sighed. "Because you're kicking at it."

"Testing it," he said and stood up again.

Liara followed him back and forth with her eyes as he paced. He stopped and leaned a hand on the table.

"How did the biotic chair game turn out?"

"What?"

"Miranda said while we waited on the ship …"

"Oh." Liara frowned. " _That_. Fine."

Kaidan rubbed a hand across his jaw and looked down at her. "Who won?"

She looked up from under her brow at him. "We stopped after you broke the chair."

"Oh … Oh, yeah," Kaidan said. "The tug-o-war. I think I kind of remember. But Miranda broke it too. Like a wishbone."

Liara crossed her arms. "Miranda and I fitted it back together and propped it up in the corner. I'm afraid the next person who sits down though …"

"I hope the person that spiked my drink decides to relax in the guest lounge then."

"You haven't seen anything?"

"I've been here. And, I've attended my drinks."

"Miranda would be proud."

"I think it'd take a lot to make Miranda proud."

Kaidan leaned against the far wall. He'd hardly seen the station. He'd spent his time either in the hospital ward or sleeping in his quarters. Poking around might only stir up the bad stuff.

Kaidan put out a hand and flared blue. Liara twisted as the chair next to her glowed and rose off the floor.

"Want to play?" Kaidan asked.

The breakroom door opened. The chair clattered to the floor. Miranda strode into the room swinging a datapad in one hand. She pivoted until her eyes found Kaidan, and she pointed at him.

"There he is."

A turien face peeked around the corner. For a flash of a second, Kaidan saw Vyrnus's face looking him in the eye. But, it wasn't Vyrnus, it was Taccus. Ursul came in with him.

"I have some messages to check." Liara stood, picked up her datapad, and moved out the door behind Miranda.

"Spectre," Kaidan said and stood away from the wall.

"Alenko," Ursul said flatly.

Taccus's eyes narrowed on Kaidan as they crossed the lounge to him.

"What can I do for you?" Kaidan asked.

"Where've you been?" Ursul asked with an edge to her voice.

"What do you mean?" Kaidan looked between them. "I've been here. Ask Liara. Ask Miranda."

"All night?"

"I slept for some of it."

"Dr. T'Soni or Ms. Lawson can attest to that, too?" Taccus asked clasping his talons behind his back.

Kaidan stifled a smirk. "Uh … no."

"This is humorous to you?" Ursul stepped up to him, almost bumping feet.

"I'm sorry," Kaidan said. "But I don't even know what _this_ is."

Taccus put out an arm and pressed Ursul back a step.

"The two men in our custody that attacked the Normandy," Taccus said. "They're dead."

Kaidan stared wide-eyed. "What?"

"Poisoned," Taccus said. "It was in their food."

"You claim to have been poisoned, too, we hear." Ursul didn't step closer again, but the tension in her muscles made it seem like she wanted to.

"I may have been," Kaidan said. "Miranda found TCM, some metabolite."

"And you don't know who would have done that? You know nothing?" Ursul said.

"It may have been in my drink. It was someone aboard. That's all I know."

"Someone poisons you, and that's it?" Ursul said. "No looking into it, trying to figure out who this person is that tried to kill you?"

"I've been focused on other things." Kaidan steadied himself by taking a deep breath. "I looked at the manifest, and I did a cursory background check with my Spectre credentials. It's all crew, medical personnel, or family of people stationed here. Everything checks out. What more should I have done?"

"You should have contacted us immediately," Ursul said.

Kaidan shrugged. "It may have had to do with my investigation into Terra Firma cells back on Earth. Or maybe I just looked at someone the wrong way. How was I supposed to know it would connect to this?"

Taccus put up a hand and looked between them.

"It's over and done. We know now. Spectre Alenko, I believe it would've been a safe assumption to think your poisoning could be connected to our investigation. Perhaps you distrust us and that's why you didn't saying anything, but don't say you didn't tell us because you didn't suspect it."

Kaidan crossed his arms and stared at them for a moment.

"All right," Kaidan said finally. "I'm sorry I didn't alert you to it."

"Good," Taccus nodded. "Now, you don't have any information that can help us? You know nothing more than this?"

"Miranda can give you access to my medical records. I'm fine with that."

"And no sample of this poison?" Ursul stood rigidly.

"No. I think it was put in my drink, but the drink's long gone."

"If we have a sample, we can manufacture an antidote," Ursul said.

"The Alliance has been trying to recover a sample too. We've seen it with Terra Firma's professional hits."

"This assassin uses biotics too," Taccus said.

Kaidan's heart leaped. "Biotics?"

"Nothing else explains how the food was tampered. Multiple witness all clearing each other. One saw a blue light. All of them remember a static feel in the air."

"Takes a powerful biotic to feel that." Kaidan said. "A powerful biotic killed Primarch Victus. There was TCM in his blood. The Prague delegates and some other high-profile hits have involved a biotic and use of that poison."

Ursul stared hard at Taccus and cleared her throat.

"And, when we check your whereabouts, we won't find anything incongruent?" Ursul said.

"Am I suspected?" Kaidan frowned between them.

"We just want to make sure there isn't a connection. That's all," Taccus said.

"There isn't," Kaidan said. "Aside from being warm up practice."

"Think they'll attempt it again, Spectre?" Taccus cocked his head, truly curious. No alarm or concern at all, just curiosity.

"You'll be the first to know if they do," Kaidan said.

"Good," Taccus said. "Until then we'll be investigating the ship manifest a little closer. At least, we have it narrowed that far. And you suggested that Dr. T'Soni and Ms. Lawson would be available to speak with us?"

"I don't know why not."

Taccus nodded. Ursul moved back a step and turned to the door.

"Have I been cleared to see anyone, yet?" Kaidan asked.

"No. Sorry, Spectre," Taccus said.

Kaidan hissed a sigh but gave a nod. Ursul stopped misstep and turned back around.

"What are you doing here by the way?" Ursul said. "Just waiting for us to release someone for you to see?"

"Here?" Kaidan frowned. "Jump Zero? You know why I'm here."

"Not Jump Zero," Ursul snapped, as if she thought he'd purposefully misunderstood to deflect answering the question. "The medical ward?"

"You're spending time with Dr. T'Soni? Ms. Lawson?" Taccus offered questioningly.

Kaidan glanced between them and shifted on his feet.

"I haven't been to see anyone if that's what you're concerned about. I've been here and Shephard's room. The only places I've been."

"Shepard?" Ursul said and suddenly took a step forward. "Our agreement—"

Taccus moved into Ursul path and nodded to the exit.

"We can discuss this at another time," Taccus said. Whether he was saying that to Ursul or Kaidan himself, Kaidan wasn't sure.

They left before Kaidan could say another word. His mind raced with the questions. He leaned against the wall and tipped his head back to look at the metal sheets of the ceiling. It was the same ceiling he'd studied for countless hours - lying in his bed at night, trying to sleep, thinking of his family, his friends back on Earth, wondering how life would have been if he'd been born normal. The room was stifling. It was time to get out for a while.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Kaidan glanced over his shoulder again as he continued down the dim metal hallway. Still no one. He took a sharp right. His room was just ahead. He glanced back one last time as he neared. Something caught the corner of his eye. The shadows moved by his door. Kaidan stumbled back and raised a glowing blue hand.

"Whoa."

A form stepped out into the hall with raised hands. Kaidan squinted.

"James?"

The blue light dissipated off Kaidan's skin. James's eyebrows raised, and he lowered his hands.

"Que onda, L2."

Kaidan hesitated and then continued forward.

"James, I can't talk to you."

"Yeah. What's the deal with that?"

Kaidan stopped in front of him. "Liara messaged you about it."

"I already talked to them."

"They must plan on talking to you more. They haven't cleared me to see you."

Kaidan stepped around James to the apartment door. James stepped halfway in front of the door.

"Hey. Come on, Kaidan."

Kaidan glanced around them. The hall stood silent and still. The time was late. Kaidan had wandered Jump Zero for hours. He crossed his arms and took a step back.

"You are tense." James pointed at him. "Baja un cambio, man."

"That means …"

"Uh, essentially, take it easy. Chill."

Kaidan checked his Omni-Tool. He'd been walking longer than he thought. It was middle of the night cycle.

"Think they're really gonna 'clear' me?"

Kaidan shrugged. "You're an important witness. I imagine they have a lot of questions."

"They've already asked me a lot of questions, trust me." James laughed. "I mean, haven't gotten to my prom date's name or my favorite color, but they're getting there."

Kaidan's eyes rose up the wall and scanned the top of the corridor before turning back to James.

"We're probably on surveillance footage," Kaidan said. "You're putting me in a bad spot. And yourself."

"I got something for you."

James's pointed his eyes down to a datapad tucked her his arm. Kaidan hadn't noticed it at first.

"Yeah?" Kaidan asked.

He couldn't help himself.

"Want it here?"

"No." Kaidan took another step back. "In case they find out about this, I don't want to be seen taking something. How about …" Kaidan's mind ran through the twists and turns of the corridors he'd roamed down. "There's a passage at the end of the hall behind me. There's some construction work down there, crates, and equipment. Maybe I'll wander by there later."

James grinned. "Entiendo, L2."

"What is it?"

He shouldn't keep James any longer than he needed but the question was too tempting to not slip in. The longer they talked in the hall, the harder it was going to be to explain away.

"Heard a rumor you might be interested in Anchor's datapad. Adams was piecing it back together after Anchor accidentally stepped on it. Found it in Adams's stuff. Looks almost done. Thought since you're tech and all, maybe you could finish it up. You know, before I turn it. No good turning something in that doesn't work though, right?"

Kaidan moved to the door to his room and unlocked it.

"Later, L2."

"Bye, James."

As Kaidan stepped into him room, he checked the time again. There needed to be some delay to not look suspicious. He pulled up a chair and waited.

XXX

Kaidan realized when he found the place, it was what he had been looking for all along. All the crisscrossing and poking around crowded halls, empty halls, plazas, back passages, and now into the condemned section of the station - his feet had been leading him here all along. It was the last place he'd ever wanted to stand again. But, it had drawn him unconsciously like his biotics drawing him to condensed eezo, that deep hum and rhythm too deep to even know why your feet moved toward there. So, here he stood, the spot where everything had changed. He could almost see Vyrnus across the room charging at him, the knife, the burst of blue light. He'd killed Vyrnus here. First life he'd taken. The only one he really sorry for. It was done, past, it could never be taken back, but that didn't mean, he couldn't wish it had never happened.

He stared around the dark auditorium. It went so many stories up overhead, maybe the whole depth of the station. Half-walled overlooks looped the round, open space for the first three stories. Then the walls changed into a smooth, metal cylinder rising up so high, he couldn't make out the end of the shaft in the gloom. A lot of biotic exercises happened here, faces watching from the balconies, taking notes, Vyrnus pacing the wall yelling at them.

Kaidan moved to the stairway and climbed up to the first story overlook. The center of the arena below had been planted with vegetation, probably tall trees, at one time. It had fallen into neglect along with the rest of this section of the station. Now there was just an empty dirt-filled planter where they'd practiced their exercises center stage. Dust stirring slowly in the dim streaks of light projecting down from the the top overlook, the only area with still functioning emergency lights.

There were a few lights on this story but so dim the bulbs would be giving out soon. This auditorium had to have been abandoned for years by the look of it. It took a lot of money to maintain station upkeep. No surprise really that a section had been condemned. It would probably piss someone off if they realize he'd trespassed. The structural integrity with this sort of long disrepair could be iffy. Maybe after he fell through the floor, he'd be pissed at himself for trespassing too.

The balcony crested the auditorium like a horseshoe. At the end of balcony, a metal bench stood shoved up against the wall into the corner. Kaidan tapped the datapad against his thigh as he walked over and sat. The metal cooled his back as he leaned into the corner. A quick check of his sleeve showed that it was grimy, but he settled anyway.

He'd fixed the datapad relatively quick. Adams had done most of the work. After all the searching for Anchor's emails, the screen had lit up and there they were right there. Kaidan brought them up again on the datapad. Maybe the fifth time reading them would provide some insight the first, second, third, and fourth time hadn't given him. He'd roamed the halls reading the messages over and over before finding himself here.

A hallway to his right creaked. Kaidan bolted upright in his seat. He held his breath straining to catch the slightest sound. A soft shuffling came the balcony's back hallway. He touched his pistol. It sounded like feet, light feet, on the metal floor. Metal creak as the feet stepped on one of the vent panels in the floor. Kaidan slipped against the wall and held the pistol to his chest. It was too dark to hold his biotics without giving himself away. The footsteps came closer. They didn't seem to be sneaking. They were just light. Kaidan frowned, and the pistol loosened in his grip.

"Kaidan?"

"Liara?" Kaidan turned his head around the corner.

She was almost to the balcony and stopped as he walked away from the corner. Her eyes widened on the pistol falling to his side.

"I'm sorry. I should have known I'd alarm you."

Kaidan's eyes followed hers to his gun. He folded it up and returned it into his belt.

"Being an assassin's unfinished project can make you a little jumpy," Kaidan agreed.

"Maybe you shouldn't be out like this." Liara came up to him. "Why are you here alone?"

"I needed to move around, clear my head." He strolled back onto the balcony. He moved to the waist high wall overlooking the auditorium and held up the datapad. "James got me Anchor's messages."

"Are they what you needed then?"

"No." Kaidan rested his elbow down on the top of the wall. "I think they're encrypted."

"Encrypted?" Liara came up next to him.

"Not jibberish like what was going back and forth between the Normandy and Earth, but these emails are off. The ones with his mom? I'd never talk to my mom that way. Stilted, formal, just … odd."

"Not everyone has the same relationship with family as you. I've been searching almost a year for my father on Thessia but if we exchanged correspondence, it may seem stilted, formal, odd."

"Yeah?" Kaidan scrolled down an list with his thumb. "You'd say, 'Dear my mother, How sits the world with you tonight? Long has this voyage been to me, on this the second week'?"

Liara paused. "That … does sound odd."

"Stilted, formal, odd, like I said," Kaidan said. "You wouldn't write that to your father."

Liara rested her arms across the top of the wall like Kaidan. He studied her face.

"Still no word?" Kaidan asked softly.

Liara glanced over at him with a quick smile. "No, not yet. There's still trouble communicating with Thessia at all. I haven't had time to press too deep into that. Not yet."

The datapad hung loosely in Kaidan's fingertips over the edge of the wall. He stared at the dirt planter below watching the air turn slowly above it.

"What is this place?" Liara asked.

"It …" Kaidan hesitated.

He wasn't sure how much she knew. She was the Shadow Broker. She probably knew more about it than Kaidan did himself.

"They did biotic exercises here," he said simply.

Liara didn't ask anything more. She stood silent looking out over the dusty raised platform and the deep cylindrical shaft above.

"How did you find me?" he asked.

"What?" She looked over at him as if broken from thought. "You have your Omni-Tool on. You should disable the locator."

Kaidan shot a hand to the Omni-Tool on his wrist and flicked it on.

"Still using my loaner." He punched through a series of screens until he found the locator settings. "Thanks. I didn't think about that."

"On the ship, you were repairing your Omni-Tool."

"Finished. Mostly." Kaidan relaxed forward against the wall. "Could probably return this one now."

Liara was staring at Kaidan's Omni-Tool when he looked over at her. She met his eyes with a smile.

"Your niece that answered my call. Back on Earth. By human standards, she was very cute."

"Human standards?"

"I would consider her an attractive child. I think by human standards of what is aesthetically pleasing, you would agree, even in light of your obvious bias."

Kaidan grinned widely. "Flattering me over my nieces?"

"I can't speak to the rest of your nieces as I didn't see them, but considering genetic influence on attractiveness and similar levels of expected grooming in a family unit, I assume they also are very … pleasing."

Kaidan laughed. "Thanks, I guess."

"Is that wrong to say?" Liara's eyes rounded. "A faux pas?"

"No, it's fine," Kaidan said. "Just a very anthropological way of looking at it. It's a compliment though. I'm aglow with family pride."

She pressed her lips together with a concentrating frown. She shot one last glance at him before looking away.

"Liara." Kaidan leaned forward to catch her eye. "I'm serious. I enjoy talking to you. I'm not making fun."

"I always say the wrong things."

"I say the wrong things too." Kaidan shrugged. "Who knows how many turiens or hanar or asari I've left baffled, or worse, offended."

"You don't say that many wrong things," Liara said.

"Neither do you," Kaidan said. "We're different is all. It only makes you more interesting. I mean, not that I want to generalize any race off of one person, but I've learned a lot knowing Wrex and Garrus and Tali. You. I haven't really gotten to know any other asari."

Her eyes flicked to the side and studied him. "As a young human male, I'm surprised. You've been off world."

"If we're talking dancers, that's not really my scene. Anyway, in how many of those trysts, could they say they really knew each other?"

"They would know each other. If it's an asari." Liara hunched forward and rested her chin on a fist. "There are different degrees to a melding. Shepard and I, it was shallow, just skimming the surface. Business. I shared a memory with her once though. Felt meaningful. A true melding though is said to be deep and transcending, a truly joining experience of soul and mind. Between strangers, it would be difficult to reach true depth, but I imagine they walk away knowing each other quite a bit. Probably better than the acquaintances he came to the bar with."

Kaidan stood rigidly eyes fixed on the floor below as his fingertips fidgetily tapped the balcony wall. His feet shifted, and he cleared his throat.

"You know, I studied biotics here," he said.

It was a jarring transition, one he hadn't really meant to make. He drummed his fingers at a quickening pace before pulling his hands back from the wall. He gestured at the stage area below.

"We did biotic exercise there."

Liara blinked thoughtfully at him and glanced down at the stage.

"When you were a child?"

"Seventeen. Spent a year here."

Liara nodded silently. She spared a quick sideways glance at him. Kaidan turned to her.

"Do you already know this? About me?" Kaidan asked.

She turned slowly to face him dragging a hand lightly across the top of the balcony wall.

"I …" She held his eye then looked down. "Yes."

"It's all right." Kaidan folded his arms. "It's not a secret."

"It is something personal." Liara ventured a glance up at him. "I've come to know a lot of things about people since rising to my new position. I don't mean to pry. I just … know things."

"I thought you probably knew." Kaidan shrugged. "It was long time ago."

Liara raised her head and held his eyes.

"It's hard to be here?" she asked.

"It's hard to be here because of Shepard. Knowing she's …" Kaidan squared himself to the wall and looked over the area below. He swallowed before continuing. "But the memories? I guess they're hard in a way, but they were a long time ago. I remember how I felt, but I don't feel that way now. I can empathize with the person I was, but things have changed. I've changed."

"Shepard knows about this?" Liara stood shoulder to shoulder with him.

"Yes." It was silently for a while before Kaidan pointed down at the stage again. "We were practicing shielding barriers once. Could never quite get three people to interweave their barriers together, but you could get two with work, skill. We paired off. Had to drive our shields against another pair's, try to force it back into breaking against them.

"A friend of mine, Alex, together, we could weave a pretty solid shield barrier, but the other team was good too. Petra was an extraordinary biotic. Maybe still is, I don't know. Either way, we were pretty evenly matched and going back and forth only slightly, mostly just gridlocked."

"Gridlocked?" Liara asked.

"Yeah. If we had been my biotic team sparing, I would have stopped the match. Straining against each other that long, someone's only going to get hurt. Push them all into biotic fatigue. The winning team becomes the first one not to have a team member collapse. Bloody nose, shaky, delirious. It ceases to be about biotic skill and more about who had the biggest breakfast, the most sleep, strained their biotics less in the previous exercises."

"But you didn't stop?" Liara said.

Kaidan shook his head. "No. Vyrnus, the instructor, he pushed us hard, egged us on, wouldn't let us give up. Said whoever lost wouldn't have dinner. Teenagers edging on biotic fatigue, we couldn't imagine not eating for twelve hours and just waiting for breakfast. So, we pushed hard. Alex was starting to shiver. I nearly threw up. Petra and her partner were running down too. I remember seeing Petra's face though the blue energy - panting, blood running out her nose. Alex and I started getting the upper hand, driving their shield back. It was almost there, just starting to break. We felt relief it would be over."

Liara waited, her eyes on him. "And what happened?"

Kaidan turned to look at her.

"Vyrnus hit me with a chair. He was over there, the same level we are now, pacing back and forth on the balcony urging us on. There was a chair against the wall near the staging area behind us. He biotically lifted it and drove it into our backs. It slammed into us, threw us off balance. Alex fell, cracked his head. Just staggered me. Our biotics dropped. Petra's shield snapped out against ours and with no resistance broke through. Happened in a second. Exhausted, on the verge of winning, and starting to let our guard down, that chair ramming into our backs and I faltered. Just a twitch was all it took. I regained my footing, pushed the shield back out, but it was too late. We couldn't recover. Petra's shield hit into us before I could harden it. We lost."

Kaidan pushed away from the half-wall and went to the metal bench in the corner.

"Were you okay?" Liara asked turning to him.

"Yeah. Alex was in the infirmary a few weeks, but came back. I was fine. Mad as hell, but only a little bruised. And hungry. Passed out in my room later that night, hit my head going down. I couldn't see good in any of it. I was just furious. I hated Vyrnus. Hated the program. Hated that I wasn't like the rest of my family. Wished I could just be on the beach, flinging sand at my sister or body surfing with my friends, anything different than rotting in this hell hole. I felt pretty bad for myself."

Liara strolled over and sank down next to him on the bench.

"The report in some files couldn't have told me all that. You don't feel that way now though?"

"No." He hunched forward and folded his hands in front of him. "At the time, even for a long time after maybe, it still felt pointless, made me so angry. But years later, before the Normandy, before Shepard, I was serving on the _Poseidon_. I was just a second lieutenant. We were called in on a batarian raid on a mining facility near Quinwark. I was shielding my unit. I rarely had other biotics in my team, but we'd met up there with the _Delphin._ Their staff lieutenant, Suriano, was about my age, a biotic, but had joined earlier. She knew what she was about in combat and used her biotics better than I did.

"We'd gotten to the final holdouts, bottom of the compound. We were almost there. Been beating back their reinforcements all day, exhausted, now with an end in sight. We weren't getting anywhere staying in the cover. Suriano and I held a shield and the squad came out in the open. We had a good angle on them, were finishing them off, bullets rippling in front of us, soldiers dipping their rifles through slots in the shield to return fire. A group of batarians got up from behind us. Still don't know where they came from. Crashed into us, Omni-blades swinging. Shocked Suriano. Shocked me too. She dropped the shield, just an instance.

"I felt the difference holding the bullet fire immediately, but I held it. The marines, scrambled, got the melee fighters put down. Suriano recovered and rejoined my barrier. But I knew, if I had faltered too, dropped the shield under that heavy gunfire, we would all have died." Kaidan unfolded and refolded his fingers. "But because Vyrnus hit me with a chair, not once but many times in different ways, and even though I was exhausted starting to drop my guard with the win almost ours - all of that, I didn't drop the shield. And Suriano? This talented, trained marine, who was never tortured by a turien on Jump Zero, faltered when the batarians came up our back. She dropped the shield, but I didn't."

A smile spread across Liara's face. "Not all for nothing then."

"Not all for nothing," he said. "Who would have thought that stewing alone in my room, angry and miserable, that years later I'd save a dozen lives in combat exactly, because I _wasn't_ at the ocean with my family. What I learned here, even just one year, was earned through fire, but who knows the countless things I've recalled to save my life, other's lives. So, yeah, it wasn't all for nothing. And I try to think about that when things are miserable."

Liara considered him for a moment. "You're miserable now?"

He looked back at her before giving a slow nod. Liara blinked down at her hands folded in her lap.

"Shepard's strong but …" Liara just shook her head before taking a breath. "I can't imagine her truly being gone. We hardly spent time together since returning. I was busy, so was she, and I just thought …"

"Yeah …"

Liara eyes rose to his. "You think this isn't all for nothing?"

Kaidan's lips parted, and he hesitated. He pulled his eyes away.

"I don't know."

A warm hand slid under his elbow and curled around his biceps. She gave a forceful smile and leaned against his arm. He looked to the slowly turning air in the auditorium and smiled too, but it felt just as forced.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Kaidan scrolled to the next page on his datapad. He re-read the garbled words, the ones to the Normandy, the ones back from the Normandy. He could get as much out of them as he could Anchor's bizarre messages.

Shepard breathed soft and faint under the beeping of monitors and hum of hospital machinery. He lowered the datapad. Blues tinted the thin skim rimming her eyes. The crescent fringe of her eyelashes lay so still and fixed. He lifted his hand from the armrest and leaned the side of his head against it. A chalky dull texture bleached her checks, ears, throat. A faint purpling pattern blotched her throat. Kaidan placed his datapad on the floor by his chair and stood. He leaned over her. His fingertips traced over the splotches on her neck. His fingers lingered for a moment before he stood back, face hardening, and hand curling into fists at his side.

The door swished open behind him. Miranda's boots tapped though the doorway, and she made a clearing sound in her throat. Kaidan looked back, and she put her hand out to the doorway. Taccus stood behind her in the hallway looking expectant.

Kaidan turned back to Shepard. He touched the back of her hand with his fingertips then backed away. With a deep breath, he strode out into the hallway. Taccus's eyes met his blankly as Kaidan approached. Miranda stepped aside as Kaidan passed. The doors slide shut between them leaving Kaidan alone in the hall with Taccus.

"Spectre," Kaidan said hollowly.

"Spectre." Taccus nodded.

Taccus turned his head looking each direction as if assuring privacy. This early, the hall was void of even the staff. Taccus looked back to Kaidan as if satisfied. Kaidan sighed and crossed his arms. Whatever it was, Kaidan just wanted it done with. Taccus opened his mouth, but Kaidan cut in first.

"May I talk to the crew soon?"

Taccus paused, then nodded. "Soon. For some."

"Some?"

"For some," Taccus repeated.

"When?"

"When we tell you."

Kaidan walked around him and settled against the far wall. An aura bleached the periphery of his vision. Kaidan touched his forehead throbbing with sweat and heat. If Taccus wasn't releasing Kaidan to see anyone, then he must probably only have something to say that Kaidan wouldn't want to hear. Taccus watched him with thin slits as sensing Kaidan's assessment.

"Are you here to tell me something?" Kaidan dropped the hand from his forehead and leaned his head back against the wall.

"Yes." Taccus came in closer. "I sent Ursul off. I thought I'd better do it."

"Hell," Kaidan murmured and closed his eyes. "What?"

Maybe they'd seen the surveillance footage of him talking to James. Kaidan didn't doubt they kept tabs on him. Taccus let out a long breath of air. Kaidan cracked his eyes open. The turien tugged at his coat and straightened shooting Kaidan a dark frown, or as much of a frown as Kaidan could detect on a turien. Whatever sympathy there might have been initially floating in Taccus's face had melted. Kaidan probably should have phrased his response differently. It didn't matter though. Nothing he did was right.

"Spectre Alenko," Taccus said to get his attention. "I'm sorry to say, but Commander Shepard is part of the Normandy crew. As part of your agreement—"

"You can't be serious?" Kaidan snapped shoving away from the wall.

They were going to have this conversation then. Taccus pulled his head high and narrowed his eyes.

"You're going to tell me I can't visit Shepard. Are you serious?"

Taccus glanced back at the door to Shepard's room and looked back to Kaidan mouth opening to speak. Kaidan cut him off again.

"Have you seen her? She's comatose, Taccus!"

"If she woke up…"

"She's not going to wake up. Talk to Miranda. Talk to her doctors."

Taccus drew out a long sigh and pivoted to look down at some orderlies unloading a cart at the end of the hall.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Spectre, be reasonable," Kaidan said. "You know as well as I do, she's not waking up."

Taccus didn't say anything.

"You have to know that." Kaidan stepped around into his line of sight. "Please. Don't tell me I can't see her."

Taccus's eyes moved to his. They stared at each other for a moment. Taccus's eyes lost the tightness.

"Fine," he said.

"Thank you."

"It's understood though." Taccus paused holding Kaidan's eye. "If she wakes up, you adhere to our agreement."

"I won't talk to her unsupervised."

Taccus made his eyes into slivers. Kaidan shifted.

"Supervised by you," Kaidan added.

"Fine," Taccus growled.

"Thank you."

Taccus clasped his talons behind his back and sighed.

"Only because you're another Spectre. I trust you to keep your word on everything. I'm not being foolish to trust you, am I?"

Kaidan's eyes strayed down the hall, not to look anywhere, but just somewhere and to think. He crossed his arms across his chest and looked back.

"Of course."

"Good. Then we understand each other." Viccus pointed at him. "It's in your best interest. The interest of the case. You obviously care about this investigation. You must want an honest outcome."

Kaidan nodded absently eyes dropping then looked up sharply.

"Have you investigated Anchor?"

"There's nothing to find."

"Nothing to find," Kaidan echoed. "How did he die?"

Taccus regarded Kaidan silently, then let out a long breath. "Shot."

"By whom?"

"Someone with a gun," Taccus said sharply. "There's no reason to think it wasn't one of the infiltrators that took him out."

"You recovered the weapons. Fingerprint or DNA can link who carried what. Run ballistics."

"We didn't recover a bullet."

"If you could recover it then—"

"Alenko!" Taccus cut the air with a flat palm. "We're not recovering any more physical evidence. The scene is impossible! Everything mixed up, moved, lost, shuffled before the Normandy even got here. The fire, vacuuming the shuttle bay, the whole damn thing—" He stopped abruptly. He gave a snorty breath and shook his head. "I won't be baited into this."

"What about Anchor's messages?"

Taccus's eyes narrowed. "How do you know about that? That evidence was only just turned into us?"

"It wasn't aboard the Normandy's computer with everyone else's?" Kaidan asked.

Taccus rolled his eyes and turned his head to look down the hall again. Kaidan was surprised when he answered.

"We've reviewed everyone's messages."

"Anchor's too?"

Taccus snapped his head back.

"What do you think I meant by _everyone_ , Alenko?"

"His messages weren't backed up on the Alliance mainframe servers."

"Nor the Normandy, yes, though something tells me knew that. We've reviewed messages off his personal datapad though. We'll continue to review it. This isn't your investigation.

Kaidan held his gaze but took a step back. Taccus's mandibles twitched as his glare burrowed into Kaidan's forehead. Taccus could change his mind about Shepard, change any rules he wanted really.

"I'm sorry," Kaidan said. "I'm prying."

"You're damn right," Taccus growled. "Stay out of this."

"Understood."

They stood silently. Kaidan waited as Taccus eyed him.

"You know," Taccus said, "this obsession with Anchor … There isn't anything to him. Your passion in pursing him baffles me."

"He's dirty. I know he is."

"How? How do you know this?" Taccus shifted on the balls of his feet. "I'm leading the investigation, and I've seen no evidence of this. It's just the subjective suspicions of a handful of crew. Anchor met them in the shuttle bay. He didn't open fire on them or threaten them, just treated them like he was one of them. Even the witness that suspect him, tell us this. If anything, it's Shepard who looks bad - holding him at gunpoint and demanding the shard. The shard she then lost. We still haven't found it."

Kaidan bit down on his first response. Taccus seemed to wait for a response. When he didn't get one, he smiled approvingly.

"We don't suspect Shepard," Taccus said. "If that's a concern. The crew and all the evidence supports her working against the perpetrators. She killed several of them. Was shot by them."

"And if it turned out she killed Anchor. Would you consider that in evidence against him?"

"Well, the way he was killed … definitely not friendly fire. I think there's enough reason to believe she wouldn't have shot him unjustly, whether her view of the situation was skewed or not could be debated. But, yes, I would say if Shepard recovers and tell us this, it would impact our view on the situation. Until then, there's nothing."

"The Normandy?" Kaidan asked. "You're planning to bring it back to Earth?"

"The main repairs have been made. We'll be jettisoning the shuttle bay wreckage and returning to Earth for cleanup, full repairs, and refurbishing."

"Jettison the shuttle bay?"

"The wreckage from the fire, the destruction from venting it … nothing to be done for it. We'll jet the waste into Gagarin's waste area to be reprocessed and recycled. It's such a wreck right now. The engineers can't get to the panels to fix the thrusters. We need to clear it. I imagine you're concerned about evidence. Trust me, it has been thorough collected."

"But cleanup? Already? What about—"

"Understand this, Spectre. I appreciate that you are invested, but this is all taken care of. I'm only having this dialogue with you now out of professional courtesy. I was never behind fully cutting you out of the inquiry. Regardless, that is what was decided, and I will uphold it. If Shepard wakes, she can support this Anchor theory of yours. As is, we have a few more questions for the crew, but all the physical evidence and ground work for the investigation is wrapping up. The Normandy has been processed for over a week now."

Kaidan wanted to say more but could see it wouldn't help.

"I appreciate that," Kaidan said finally, and in part, he really meant it.

"I'm glad you understand then," Taccus said. "I'll be leaving with the Normandy tomorrow night. Ursul will remain here. You can contact her for anything."

Kaidan stared at Taccus. "Leaving tomorrow? Twenty-four hours from now? Why?"

"We need the ship back. It's damaged, things are wrapped up. It's time."

Kaidan licked his lips but didn't respond. If he pushed any further, he would exasperate Taccus, and so far, Taccus was the only reasonable part of the whole process.

"How are you crewing it?" Kaidan finally said instead.

"Minimal crew. We're sealing off the cargo bay after our engineers get in to make repairs post-evac. We'll seal off much of engineering, parts of the crew deck, places that aren't essential and were involved in the attacked. There are some minor processing steps left before full cleaning. We'll supplement with crew from the vessel that brought us over."

"Supplement?" Kaidan asked. "What are you supplementing?"

"I'll be returning with the Normandy's uninjured crew. They need to return to Earth, and we can more thoroughly investigate there."

Kaidan's lips parted as his mind raced.

"The whole crew?" he said finally.

"Not the seriously injured, no. I think we can probably let you see the injured crew members in the next day or so. We've talked to them. Ursul can supervise if you would like to see them."

"So, I won't be speaking to any of the crew members not in the hospital? They're leaving with you?"

"Speak with them on Earth. I suppose …" Taccus paused as if considering something then nodded to himself. "Yes, I can give you permission to message them. Monitored as you're aware."

Kaidan's mouth twisted, and he looked away.

"Not to your liking?" Taccus said darkly.

Kaidan eyed him sideways. "Not really."

"I've been more than fair with you."

Kaidan could see himself in Taccus's place. Perhaps he'd make the same arguments, make the same decisions. Kaidan slowed his breathing and swallowed.

"You've been fair," he agreed. "I wanted to see them. I'm disappointed."

"They're all fine. You can check in on them on Earth. A few more days, you'll be headed back yourself. The Summit - I heard you're integral."

Kaidan smiled weakly and nodded. Taccus was trying to acknowledge him on some level, give him a bone in a way.

"You'll be coming back on the same Alliance ship we came out on, I assume?" Taccus asked conversationally.

Kaidan nodded again. "Yes."

A few days, it was too soon. Shepard lay crumpled and lifeless on the other side of the door. A few days wasn't enough to remedy that. Kaidan studied his hands. He saw the mottled blue on her throat under his fingertips. Kaidan curled his fingers into his palm. He made a point to slow his breath and unclench his jaw.

"Well," Taccus shifted and glanced around. "I'm glad we got this all squared away. I think we're on the same page now."

Kaidan whipped his head up. "What about the bodies?"

"We'll move them back to the Normandy. Transport them back for the families. Some humans find that thing culturally important."

Kaidan gave a grim smile. Taccus chuckled softly.

"I suppose there's no reason to be explaining human culture to you."

"I have some background in it."

Taccus took a step back to start down the hall. "Then, we have an accord. I'm likely to see you prior to my departure, but if not, well … the Summit then."

Kaidan watched him disappear down the hall and around a corner. His breathing strained, and he paced dropping his face into his hands. He'd promised, given his word. Despite what Councilor Mason wanted, Kaidan had given his word not just to Taccus but to the Alliance and the rest of the Council. But Anchor going down in history as a victim? The livid splotches across Shepard's throat made his chest ache with the force of each breath he drew in. He stopped in his tracks. He'd promised to not see the crew, and he could decide on that later, but that was the living crew members. No promises on the other. He wasn't going to influence their testimony.

Kaidan whipped back to Shepard's door and smashed a fist on the open button. Mirands's head snapped up from the monitor next to Shepard's bed. Her hands paused on the keyboard. Kaidan waited for the door to shut behind him.

"Where's the morgue?"


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Miranda waved Kaidan through the door then slapped the button to close it.

"Now hurry up, Kaidan."

Rows of square metal doors lined the far wall. Kaidan rushed over to the cryostatis pods. The doors weren't labeled with names, just numbers along the top. He hadn't expected them to be labeled, but there were so many. Trial and error wouldn't be efficient.

"Kaidan," Miranda hissed.

He frowned over his shoulder at her. She put her hands on her hips.

"How do I …"

His eyes fell on a desk in the corner glowing from the face of a computer terminal. Kaidan darted over to it. He turned on his Omni-Tool as he rounded the desk's corner to face the screen. Miranda's footsteps came up behind him.

"You're hacking in?"

"Yeah." Kaidan glanced back at her.

"I could log you in."

Kaidan's Omni-Tool arm dropped. "Why didn't you—nevermind. Yes. Log me in. Please."

She raised an eyebrow grinning and brushed him aside. She typed into the terminal and it lit up a search field. Kaidan leaned in beside her.

"What's your guy's name?" Miranda asked.

Something clattered outside the door. Kaidan's spine shot straight, and he looked over Miranda's head at the morgue's entrance. Voices swelled. Footsteps clapped on the linoleum rising with the level of conversation. Someone laughed loudly. Miranda stood up from the desk next to him and looked over at the door with a frown. It was nearing morning, the morgue staff could be coming in for the day. Miranda had warned him. An image flashed in his mind of he and Miranda huddled together under the desk, too tight to move, and praying the staff all took the same lunch. The footsteps receded past the door. Miranda sank back down to the keyboard.

"Name?" she whispered.

"Anchor, Bram."

Kaidan moved to the cryostasis drawers. Miranda stood up from the screen and pointed to a door at the far side of the room. It came waist high. Kaidan touched the screen beside the drawer. It flashed. He hadn't expected it to be locked.

"5729," Miranda read.

Kaidan punched it in and stood back. The drawer hissed and air churned inside. The door exhausting a frosty plume of air as the drawer squealed open. Miranda waved the vapors away as she came up beside him. Kaidan moved to the head of the drawer and pulled the tray out further. Kaidan's fingers stuck to the ice shards filming the metal surface. His skin sealed to the metal and ripped way with a sharp pain as he drew back.

"You're not supposed to touch that with your bare hands," Miranda said.

She leaned over the body. Kaidan flicking his fingers with a hissing grimace and came around the other side of the drawer. Miranda's eyes flickered up to Kaidan's.

"No 'You could have told me'?" she asked.

"You could have told me."

"It was common sense."

"Happy now? You got your retort in."

"Better if it hadn't been prompted."

There really wasn't a way to recognize the corpse. Kaidan had seen an Alliance profile picture, but this man didn't have face, or at least enough of it. He had two eyes, most of the nose, but the rest was broken skull and pulpy tissue. Small cryo shards gleamed across his waxy skin. They caught the Omni-Tool light as Kaidan held it overhead. There weren't bruises or cuts, or any other marks aside from the facial wound.

"Looks like a quick death," Kaidan said. "Shame."

Miranda pointed at where the jaw should have been.

"One bullet. It entered up through the jaw and out the back of the head at the crown."

"Not wearing his helmet then."

"Maybe not wearing armor."

Kaidan glanced over at the terminal.

"Is there a report?"

Miranda trotted to the desk. Her fingers clicked across the keyboard. Kaidan leaned over the body with his Omni-Tool.

"Yes, armor," Miranda said. "No helmet."

"Where was he found?"

"Cargo bay."

"Yeah, but where?"

"That's all it says."

Kaidan stood away from the body and turned to her.

"The bullet isn't still lodged in the skull?"

"I told you. It exited the top of the skull."

Miranda clicked off the terminal. Her footsteps hurried up beside him.

"We need to go."

"If we—"

A metal whine beyond the door made their eyes snap to the morgue entrance.

"That's the doors to the stairway," Miranda hissed and smacked the close button on the cryostasis pod.

The pod retracted in rushing hiss of vapors. Kaidan reeled back then dashed after Miranda. They bumped up against the doorway. Miranda's punched the green button. Faint voices rose on the other side. The door started to slid open. Miranda moved back and forth on her feet until it was wide enough to pop her head through. The voices were getting louder with footsteps approaching. She pulled her head back and turned sideways

"Come one," she whispered.

She slipped sideways through the opening doors. Kaidan waited a beat for it to widen and came out sideways too. Miranda was already halfway down the hall and already looking up the stairway. Kaidan picked up his pace short of running. A foursome of white coats appeared walking down the stairs. One of the men craned his neck watching Miranda pass by up the stairs. The others seemed engrossed in discussing hybrid tissue preservation. The man turned back motioning at to one of the speakers rejoining the debate. He waved his steaming mug giving Kaidan a blast of coffee aroma as he edged past at the bottom of the stairs.

Kaidan caught up with Miranda in the hallway. She didn't say anything as she led back to Shepard's room. They neared the door, and she came to an abrupt stop turning to face him.

"Got what you needed?" she asked.

"It will help."

"That's … good."

Her eyes moved to Shepard's door, lips rolling back and forth as if in thought. Kaidan tapped on his Omni-Tool.

He backed up. "I'm going to—"

"Kaidan," Miranda said.

Kaidan stopped in his tracks. His Omni-Tool turning off as his arm dropped. She glanced sideways at him with a hard look.

"I've tried everything."

His chest tightened. He'd known the conversation was coming, but it still felt like realizing you'd been shot.

"So … tomorrow?" Kaidan said finally.

"Today."

"Today?" Kaidan stared. "Miranda."

"It needs to happen now." Miranda didn't raise her voice. "It should have happened days ago if I'd been rational. But I'm out of ideas now and the activity is overwhelming. If I don't do it now, there's no use in doing it at all."

Kaidan didn't say anything. Miranda put her hands in her coat pockets and pivoted on her feet before facing him.

"I'm going to sleep. I need to be fresh, but then it will need to happen."

Kaidan swallowed rubbing a callused spot on one palm.

"What are the chances?"

"I can't give you statistics," Miranda said. "But … I think you already know the chances."

"Right …"

"Listen. I'm going to do all I can."

"I know." He looked up with a snap. "I know you will."

Miranda pressed her lips tight, gave him a sharp nod, and brushed around him down the hall. Kaidan turned to the wall and leaned his forehead against it listening to the brisk snap of heels fading down the hall. He should be with Shepard then, but he felt exhausted with the migraine.

The Normandy was leaving tonight too. His mind mulled over it again and again before he finally rolled over and leaned his back against the wall. He turned on his Omni-Tool. He sent the message. Breaking his word, a low point. Shepard's door stood across from him. He'd sit with her a while at least and wait for the reply.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Kaidan took another left down the dim corridor. The decommissioned section of the station filled each breath with dust and stale air. He'd had friends that lived down this hall once when it was bright and crowded. A thin light illuminated the end of the hall. Kaidan brushed his fingers along the wall skimming over the dirty patina. A sldner silhouette moved across the light ahead and stopped.

"Kaidan?" Liara's voice.

Kaidan picked up his pace. A lantern in the center of a circular room illuminated stacked crates crowded along the walls. James stood up from a small shipping box as Kaidan entered.

"L2," he greeted.

Liara stepped up to Kaidan. "Should I watch the halls?"

Kaidan nodded. She moved down the hall as Kaidan came over to James.

"Pretty covert," James said.

"Close enough to a back alley," Kaidan said.

Kaidan angled himself to keep the hallway in view behind James.

"What would it take to get me aboard the Normandy?" Kaidan asked.

"Get you aboard the Normandy?" James asked. "Why, uh … Okay. I'm confused."

Kaidan folded his arms and looked James in the eye. "You know I haven't been cleared to talk to you, right? By being here, it should come down on me, but you could be disciplined too."

James shrugged. "Aren't you a Spectre? Shouldn't you, like, I dunno, be able to do whatever the hell you want?"

Kaidan grinned weakly. "Yeah. I like that philosophy, James, I do. But, uh … no."

James's eyebrows raised. He sat down back down on the shipping box.

"Damn. That sucks. Got your wings clipped, huh?"

Kaidan shrugged. "Plucked."

"Musta hurt, hombre." James made a whistling sound. "Who plucked you? Alliance? Council?"

"If I continue this analogy, it's going to get weird." Kaidan's smile spread. "So … uh, the Alliance suspended me, and the Council forbade me being involved."

James pursed his lips and shrugged. "Comprende then. I'll sign your liability waiver."

"Not going to pass it by your lawyer first?"

"Nah, I live on the edge."

Kaidan strolled over to the mouth of the hallway. At the end of the hall, Liara stood partially shadowed by a forgotten stack of sheet metal and construction storage bins. She smiled back at him. Kaidan turned around to James.

"The Normandy leaves tonight," Kaidan said.

"Yeah," James muttered. "I got my ticket. You trying to stow away?"

"Hell, no." Kaidan cut the air with his palm. "I have to be out long before that."

"Then … you just want to poke around?"

Kaidan pointed at him. "Exactly. How can I make it happen?"

"You want carried in rolled up in a carpet or something?"

"How about …" Kaidan pushed a crate to the lantern beside James and sat. "How about just clearing the way for me? Are there a lot of people aboard?"

"It's been sealed like a tomb. Only those turien Spectres and some engineers on board. Might be more now since we're set to leave."

"I only need to get to the cargo bay."

James sat forward putting his hands on his knees.

"What's this all about?" he asked.

"I need to check out my own leads. I think the other Spectres might be overlooking some things."

"So, uh … you can't tell me then?" James frowned. "Cause that's a politician's answer, L2."

Kaidan rubbed the stubble along his jaw. He dropped his hand.

"Fine. It's probably better the less you know. If you got caught …"

"Hey. If I'm in trouble, I'm in trouble. I'd still rather know. This have to do with that stuff I brought you?"

"In a way. It's about Anchor."

"That asshole?" James shifted on the crate. "I'm in."

"You think he was connected to the guys on Langley?"

"Hell yeah. No doubt in my mind."

"You tell the Spectres that?"

"Didn't ask my opinion. Just facts."

Kaidan hunched forward. "What are the facts on Anchor?"

"He acted like he was on our side, kinda. Gave over the shard. Disappeared in the chaos. Body got pulled out in the cargo bay."

"He had armor. The rest of you didn't."

"Yeah, well, our guys in the cargo bay got to the armory. Rest of us on the other decks weren't armed, but some of them got suited. For the good it did them."

"He was alone in the bay?"

"Guarding the armory, working at breaking into the safe for the shard. Maybe they were worried one of us would get to it and do something if one of them didn't break it out first. I dunno. He probably didn't know what to do when so many of us showed up armed, and it was dark. Probably figured he better act like a friendly and wait for backup or … yeah, we woulda blasted him into the next world before he got his second shot off. Termindo."

Kaidan stood up. "So, how about it? Think you can get me on board? You have access?"

"Yeah …" James thought for a moment. "I'm the boss, well, Alliance boss for the cruise home. I think it's close enough to departure, I can throw down a diva tantrum and get access. Joker's already been on board fixing stuff." He grinned. "Yeah, I'll get us an invitation to the dance."

"You just clear me a path to the cargo bay."

"I'm coming along."

"You don't—"

"I'm coming, sir." James stood. "I got all the bargaining chips since, ya know, apparently Spectres aren't all powerful."

"Only some of them aren't."

"The human ones?" James raised his eyebrows and picked up the lantern.

"I would say the Alliance ones, but same thing as this point."

James shook his head. "Alliance leadership right now … kinda loco. But eventually …"

"Eventually …"

James swung the lantern. "You, uh … How's Shepard?"

Kaidan moved past James and motioned Liara back.

"Miranda's doing surgery. It will be a few hours from now." Kaidan kept his eyes fixed down the hall not looking back at James. "If anyone wants to see her, I would go now."

The metal floor creaked as James adjusted the weight on his feet, but he didn't say anything. Liara frowned as she neared.

"Is something wrong?"

"Naw, Doc." James came up beside Kaidan. "Let's go, Doc. Hasta luego, L2. I'll let you know."

"Better relay it through me," Liara said.

Kaidan watched their shadows fade down the hall. The lantern light shaded away. After he couldn't see any sign of them, Kaidan counted a few beats before pushing down the hall himself.

Shepard's hospital door slid open. James wandered through the door, eyes dropped, his shoulders hunched over tightly crossed arms. His steps slowed, and he shot a look sideways at Kaidan and Liara standing at the end of the hall. He gave a sharp nod before and passed Ursul as he head the other direction with fast, solid footsteps. Ursul's eyes narrowed following the nod's direction to Kaidan. It seemed so juvenile hanging back as the crew filed through Shepard's room. Ursul still hadn't warmed up to Taccus allowing Kaidan access to Shepard, but that was something they'd have to work out.

Liara twisted her fingers in her hand eyes focused on the tiles at her feet. Kaidan put a hand on her back. Her eyes gleamed as they rose to meet his.

"It will be all right," he said.

"Platitudes," she whispered.

Kaidan sighed. "Yeah. I guess."

"Still," she said, "I'm glad you're here."

"Despite my platitudes?"

"Maybe," she said softly, "because of them."

Joker eased through Shepard's doorway on crutches. He gazed down at them. Ursul uncrossed her arms and took a step toward him. It drew Joker's attention. He lifted the scrunched baseball cap in his hand and put it on before hobbling after James.

"Joker was last?" Liara asked. "We can go in now?"

"You could have always gone, Liara."

"We've come this far together."

Kaidan smiled wanly at her. "Don't let me hold you back though."

Ursul checked in Shepard's room then motioned them forward.

"A Spectre directing hospital visitation traffic," Kaidan murmured. "Should have read the fine print on the job description."

"Always read the fine print," Liara said.

"That could be why your assistant's getting complaints. No one reads the fine print."

"And, that's exactly why you have it."

Kaidan looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "You were a lot more innocent when we met."

"You too."

Kaidan's mouth tightened. "Giving my word and, in the space of hours, breaking it? You're probably right."

"You're doing what you have to do."

"That's what every guilty person probably says to himself."

They still hadn't moved, and Ursul put her hands on her hips staring at them.

"We've been given our summons." Kaidan started forward.

Shepard's room stood empty. Liara walked to Shepard's bed and stood over her with drooped shoulders. Kaidan hung back a step eyes fixed on Shepard's expressionless face. Her chapped lips hung open slightly, enough that a Vaseline-trapped hair blew with each rise and fall of her chest.

Shepard was here with him maybe for the last time, but it didn't feel like she was here. A bluish hue embalmed the skin around her eyes, like the inside of an oyster shell. Her eyelids sealed away all the color in the room. There was only emptiness here. The light that made her _her_ was buried, cemented away in the darkness. It chilled him.

He'd think back to the time in her apartment then, on Earth, so many months ago. It was the last time he'd been with her. The last time he'd looked in her eyes, felt the life and energy of her, his heartbeat rising as her eyes looked back into his. It was a good memory – gazing out the window side-by-side at the night sky, the sound of her voice, taste of beer, the clean vanilla linen smell of her apartment, of her. He could live with that memory as their last.

Liara's turned her profile to him clinging to Shepard's forearm. Her face scrunched as he stepped up beside her and touched Shepard's hand. Whether Shepard could sense anything was beyond knowing. Probably not, if like Miranda said, her brain was seized in a disorganized activity of nothingness. It probably made people feel better to think their presence meant anything more than what it meant for themselves, the platitudes someone gave to himself. He was here for himself then, and that was all right. It didn't need to be anything more than that.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"Hey, L2. You ready?"

Kaidan trotted across the docking terminal to James.

"Got the cameras. Let's go," Kaidan said.

James inclined his head to the loading ramp. The Normandy - it segmented in the passing windows as they marched down the tunneled rampway to the airlock loading door. Kaidan had spent so much time looking out the Normandy, looking in on it felt novel. James halted on the loading platform outside the airlock. His eyes darted to the camera overhead.

"They're looped," Kaidan said.

"Hope you know your stuff there, L2."

"I do."

They stepped out of the airlock into the ship with a burst of filtered air. Kaidan's boots echoed on the gridded panels of the gangway. The CIC glowed at the far end. Something moved beside him, and Kaidan spun to face the cockpit.

"Joker?"

Jocker lounged in the cockpit chair facing them. A bag of chips crinkled on his lap as he popped one in his mouth with a crunch.

"Major."

James stood away from the closing airlock with a grin.

"Boom: our lookout," James lifted both hands to Joker. "Right, Joker?"

Joker shrugged. "I'm not tackling anyone, but yeah, I'll give you fair warning before they tackle _you_."

Kaidan smiled wanly despite their conversation in the hospital. Even with that and all the painful months standing almost in these exact spots even, it would always still be good to see him.

"Good to see you, Joker."

"Whoa, Kaidan. Almost believe you. You're getting good."

The corner of Kaidan's mouth curled crookedly, and he shook his head with an eyeroll. He turned and followed James down the gangway, boots heavy on the metal grates. The ceiling vents were torn apart in the CIC, still semi-fixed. A ladder stood near the entrance to the war room. Bullet holes pepper the walls. The galaxy map's bank of console shined through cracked glass.

"I'm not sure how long we've got," James said over his shoulder. "Next batch of engineers could be anytime. Just hoping they stick to the engine room. We slip in and out. Hola y adios. I'll find them a distraction if they're still working with the vent work up here."

They stepped up to the elevator. James pushed the down and up buttons for the elevator.

"Circuits all screwed up," James said. "It'll figure it out when we punch the right button inside though."

"No one will be going down to the cargo bay?" Kaidan asked.

"Don't think so. Pretty well restricted." He grinned. "Well, supposed to be."

The elevator doors churned open. Metal walls warped with burn marks and crumbling metal plating.

"Elevator looks damaged," Kaidan said stepping on.

"What? Oh." James nodded absently. "Yeah, grenades do that. If you ever wondered."

Kaidan touched pieces of shrapnel sticking out of elevator's wall. "Bet it damaged more than just the elevator."

"Yup. Got some damn good grenade-blasted bandito pulp in here. Be glad you missed that clean up."

"Needed more than a mop?"

The elevator came to a stop. The doors screeched opened, and it took Kaidan's breath away. What he'd expected after a blown apart elevator, he wasn't sure. White tape crisscrossed the elevator doorway. James pulled up the bottom piece and ducked under it. The bay gaped in front of them jumbled with charred pieces of crates, crumbling bulkhead, ceiling beams, metal, glass, bit of equipment and who-knew-what. Lights flickered overhead, many of them burst and some simply dark shells of jagged glass. It was enough light to see but dim. Kaidan stumbled out of the elevator craning his neck in all directions. So much of the ceiling had crumbled in, it looked skeletal. The warped bulkheads had sloughed away almost to the hull. It had been thinned down the middle of the bay and towered against the walls to either side of them like ambitiously stacked bonfire fodder.

"I didn't realize …"

"It was this bad?" James asked. "Yeah …"

Kaidan's eyes moved over the charred wreckage before falling on twisted mound of metal in the center of the bay.

"Here it is," Kaidan said.

Kaidan stepped over the burned remains of the terminals that horseshoed the elevator. He walked up to the wreckage, bent down, and rubbed a sooty plate of metal. Blue paint abraded and faint showed threw as Kaidan drew away his blackened fingers. Glass crunched under James's boots as he came up behind him.

"One flying boulder of caliente shuttle. Probably still got our names stamped on its burned-up ass."

Kaidan rose and strolled around it. Metal sheets twisted into each other, glass and scrap pieces scattered over it.

"Stuck together pretty well even with venting the bay," James said.

If it had exploded, all these interlocking pieces melded together from the heat, they would be sticking out of the cargo bay walls and floor, everything blown wide away. But it was here, almost compacted and melded into a solid mass. Kaidan touched the alligator-skinned edge of the warped metal plating. It crumbled in his hand.

"Shepard really covered it in a barrier?" Kaidan said.

James gave a shrug. "I'm no biotic, but yeah, that's what it reminded me of. If it's possible and all."

Kaidan took a step back. "Maybe it is."

Kaidan turned in a circle. The ceiling stories above had missing panels with partially collapsing exposing ductwork. The windows facing out from engineering had blown out and were sealed off with a temporary partition of scrap metal plating. The whole bay was a mess, chaotic and burned wreckage. Shifting debris from the explosions and fire, the space venting. He wasn't sure what he had hoped to find here anyway.

James poked at some of the warped debris with the toe of his boot. "Don't even know which smoked-up piece of crap was my workbench."

"It's hard when they never recover the remains."

James chuckled. "Yeah. I guess."

From what Kaidan could see through the towering pile of metal debris, the armory looked empty, at least from this squinting angle. It was probably unloaded and processed before scraping all the wreckage to the side. No wonder Taccus wanted the bay purged soon. Hard to move around, let alone get to anything for repairs.

Kaidan turned back to James. "Where was Anchor when you saw him last?"

James scratched his neck. "Damn. I don't know. It was dark. He was by the armory then he wasn't. This group came out the elevator. We were too busy busting our butts for cover."

Kaidan moved around the burned bank of terminals and bent to rifle through the singed piles.

"Where did Shepard go? She was with you?"

"Not the whole time."

Kaidan's head snapped up. "No? Where was she?"

James pointed to the corner with his chin. "The beacon."

Kaidan turned on his haunches to stare up the bristling matrix of fallen-in beams, collapsed crates, and metal siding. The worst of the fire appeared to have come from there. Kaidan ducked his head looking through the lattice of beams and turned on his Omni-Tool light. A dark opening deep in the layer of twisted metal had to be the doorway to the escape pods and distress beacon. James hunched down next to him and stared in.

"That's going to be a tight fit, if that's what you're thinking," James said.

Kaidan stood back from the tower of stacked metal. There were definitely some key piece collapsing the whole pile in. Blue energy rippled over Kaidan's skin. James's eyebrows rose, and he stepped back.

"This could be a while, huh?" James mumbled.

"We'll see."

The top beams slid against each other falling to the sides as Kaidan moved them. Chunks of metal slid together bending and creaking beneath. Kaidan shifted a piece of bulkhead. It tore twisting and shuttering from where it had melded with a beam in the wall. The shutter sent a groaning shriek up a charred beam running up the wall. Glass shattered down on them, and a broad slat of charred siding swung loose from high above. Kaidan put out a hand pushing James back as the siding broke loose and crashed down. A blue shield scattered the spray of glass and metal. The whole bay seemed to settle and moan. Kaidan put his hand down and dropped the shield.

"Uh … hmm." Kaidan glanced over at James. "How much time do we have?"

James laughed. "Damn."

XXX

It took time and a lot more patience than Kaidan wanted to use. Every move had to be slow and calculating. There were a few setbacks as he shifted through the pile of metal. Sweat dripped down Kaidan's neck, his bone starting to feel jittery. He should have eaten or slept more, and the background migraine wasn't helping. James checked the time on his Omni-Tool.

"You know, waiting to get collared, drop kicked into the brig, it sure makes times crawl," James said. "But then, an Asari dancer takes you home, and time's all gone. Wake up the next morning wondering what even happened."

"Sounds like a good way to get robbed," Kaidan said.

He grimaced carefully rattling loose a wedged chuck of siding.

"Uh, worth it, L2. Trust me."

"I'll take your word for it."

The slat of siding broke apart with a pop. The metal above groaned. Kaidan hesitated then gingerly pulled it forward again.

"So … you and Shepard. You guys, uh, still … you know?"

Kaidan eyed him sideways. A warped beam shifted against the wall. Kaidan snapped his attention back.

"Uh, yeah. No."

James shrugged. "Too bad. Thought you two were good together."

"Regs."

"Didn't matter before."

"Nothing mattered before."

James grinned toothily. "Got me there."

The path was getting clearer. Just a few more pieces leaning against the wall. Kaidan only needed to clear a path to the doorway.

"Still," James said. "You could, uh, keep it on the DL, ya know?"

"Yeah? To what end?"

"Does it matter?"

"To me it does."

James barked a laugh and shook his head. "L2, L2, hombre, listen to me. Live in the moment. Didn't us almost being Reaper-fodder teach ya anything?"

"I already lived in the moment. Beating the Reapers just means there should be something more."

Kaidan flicked a slab of metal aside. His pile of metal sheeting crumpled, sliding, and clattering across the floor. Kaidan frowned. He was becoming too impatient.

"Uh, okay," James said watching the shifting metal. "Let's talk about the last biotic ball championship or something."

"Good idea."

"Who'd you root for?"

Kaidan tugged the jagged ribcage of a crate to the side and exposed the door. The blue evaporated off his skin. He took a long breath and dragged the back of his hand across a sweaty forehead.

"Let's go," Kaidan said.

James eyed the stacked piles lining the jumbled pathway.

"If I get flattened by some of this, I'm gonna be pissed."

"Eh." Kaidan started forward. "I'll dust you off."

James took a tentative step. "Just don't want to come-to with you resuscitating me or nothing."

"That makes two of us. Come on."

They stepped over the remaining debris scattered at their feet and navigated around the bulging scrap piles. Kaidan turned on his Omni-Tool light as he reached the doorway and stepped into the narrow corridor that housed the distress beacon. The beacon's terminal stood in the shadows ahead of him. Kaidan moved forward, the closed escape pods to his right. A shiver ran down his back. For a moment he saw flames bursting around him, and Shepard standing at a different distress beacon terminal, whipping around in her armor to face him. He blinked and the image was gone.

James turned his Omni-Tool light on as he stepped in. "Hope this was worth it, L2."

"Me too."

Kaidan's fingers slipped over the terminal keys, and he gazed around the room with his light.

"Look here." James picked a helmet off the floor. "Anchor's. I recognize it."

Kaidan stood against the wall opposite the terminal and stared up at the ceiling. He took a step back staring up the beam of light.

"Whatcha got?" James's light bounced across the ceiling. "Damn. That what I think it is?"

Kaidan looked over at him. "What do you think it is?"

James shrugged. "Same as you, right? Anchor's head."

Brown blood stained the ceiling, walls, floor. Bits of cauliflower-like material and bit of bone dried across the ceiling and upper part of the wall. Kaidan's light shifted down to where he stood, and he backed up again.

"Shepard stood here and shot him," Kaidan said.

Kaidan's jaw clenched imaging Anchor there. He would have attacked her.

"Can we prove it was Shepard?" James asked.

Kaidan blinked the image away. He needed to stay focused on why he was here. He looked over at James.

"Anchor was shot through the head. Upwards, through the jaw, out the top of the skull," Kaidan said.

Kaidan imagined the pistol in his hand. Anchor would have been standing close judging by the blood across the floor. It seemed awkward to shoot at such a steep angle though. Maybe Anchor had been further away. If he had stood here though … Kaidan followed the angle up with his light into the low corner of the ceiling. Kaidan smiled and walked below the fingertip sized hole above.

"How you gonna get that?" James asked.

Blue glowed across Kaidan's skin, and he reached upward toward the hole in the ceiling. He pulled down with a fist and a glowing piece of metal dropped into this other palm. He looked at it in his palm then held it out to James.

"Look what you found."

James put out his hand. Kaidan upended his palm letting the bullet roll off.

"I think Joker may have seen you find it," Kaidan said.

James held the bullet up with a grin then slipped it into his pocket.

"Sure did. Right after I biotically stacked myself a pathway and pulled it from the ceiling."

Kaidan gave a shrug. "You're pretty brawny. But, let's mess up our trail bit for good measure, huh? On the way out."

"Sure … uh, Joker."

"Exactly."

Kaidan glanced over at the terminal and around the room again. He imagined Shepard standing there, Anchor reaching for her.

"Autopsy must have been a good read, huh?" James said breaking Kaidan's attention.

James wandered over to the doorway and peeked out into the cargo bay.

"I didn't get that info from a book," Kaidan said. "More hands-on in lab."

James scrunched his face. "Kind of gruesome, right? Don't know if I want to see more of that crap than I have to."

"I don't know." Kaidan frowned darkly at the wall. "No regrets on seeing this one."

"I regret every one that I've seen. I don't care who. Ain't pretty to see, and I don't like remembering it."

"My only regret," Kaidan muttered, "is that Cerberus isn't still around to bring him back. Then, I could shoot him dead all over again."

James stared at Kaidan. "Sure. Seems like a questionable use of resources, but you know."

"I don't think so."

James gave a tooth grimace. "Don't let me get on your bad side, Major."

"Scared you into the title, James?"

"Yes, sir." James grinned. He eyed Kaidan for a moment and then leaned a hand on the wall. "Why you hate him so much?"

Kaidan crossed his arms and studied his boots. "He strangled her."

"What? Who?"

"Anchor strangled Shepard. It had to be him."

James shifted. "How do you know she was strangled?"

"What soldier even does that?" Kaidan snapped. "You go to war. You kill people, sure. You don't strangle another soldier around the throat."

James rubbed the side of his face. "Why would he do that?"

"Exactly," Kaidan said. "Why would you ever do that? That sort of thing, it's personal, sadistic. That's why it was him. Those other soldiers didn't know her, why would they do that?"

James glanced out the doorway again. "You know, even so. It's not what took her down."

"I know. But the idea of someone strangling her, soldier to soldier and in combat. It … it makes me sick." Kaidan set his jaw and turned to the door. "But let's go."

"Hey, guys." Joker's voice came over James's Omni-Tool.

James slapped the comm on his wrist. "Joker, tell me this ain't more than a service check."

Joker's voice went low. "Company."

"Let's move." Kaidan dove through the door.

"You know, I didn't really think this through." James came out on his heels.

"Too much living in the moment."

They plunged down the pathway between towering stacks of debris.

"Watch that!" Kaidan pointed at a shifty corner of siding.

Kaidan's boots crackled across the glass. His nerves tingled, felt something pulling him inside. He stopped. James stumbled up against him.

"Kaidan, the hell? Let's go!"

Joker's voice whispered through the comm. "Uh, guy. Those Spectres are here."

"Damnit," James growled. "L2!"

Kaidan bent down, glowing blue, and tore at a stack of metal sheets. James's breath panted above as Kaidan stretched an arm through a lattice of beams, going all the way to his shoulder, and straining with gritted teeth. That tingling, buzzing feeling brushed his fingertips. Kaidan's fingertips rocked it closer. He got it. He clamored to his feet holding a black, palm-sized stone of some sort. James's eyes widened.

"That's – we really need to go!" James pushed him forward.

Kaidan sprang forward curling his tingling fingers around the stone. They scrambled to the elevator and mashed the button.

"Hey, Joker. Any of 'um on the elevator?" James whispered into the comm on his Omni-Tool.

They strained to hear Joker. Muffled voices filled the background. Joker's voice talked louder, but they could only catch a word here or there. He wasn't speaking to them.

The elevator beeped, and the doors starting to open. James and Kaidan slipped to the side and pressed against the wall but no one came out. James peeked around the corner and slid away from the wall. They tumbled into the elevator. Kaidan's hand hovered over the floor buttons.

"Where?"

James darted forward and jammed one.

"Hoping we don't pick up ridders," James said.

Kaidan's shoulder muscle tightened. The smooth stone buzzed and tingled in his fist. Kaidan opened his palm and stared at it.

"Joker, hey," James whispered. "You able to distract them?"

An alarm screamed overhead with flashing sirens. Kaidan flinched. James pressed a hand to his chest and cursed. The siren sounded like it was going off all over the ship. Kaidan shoved the stone in a pocket and watched the screen list each passing floor. The elevator slowed, the CIC floor number light up overhead. James cursed again, and Kaidan shoved him to the side. He dove for cover on the other side of the doorway as the doors whined open.

Red lights flashed and sirens pulsing through the widening doors. Boots slapped across the floor outside as voices panicked. A nearby voice boomed yelling at someone. It sounded like Ursul. Kaidan pressed tight against the wall. James stared across the open doorway at him with large white eyes. He jammed the close door button. Ursul's voice bellowed again and a shadow moved across the light projecting onto the elevator's far wall. Kaidan edged to get a glimpse at the CIC. James's eyes widened larger and larger. Ursul's fringe moved on the edge of Kaidan's vision as she strode to the side yelling at someone in the CIC. Kaidan snapped his head back and edged away from the door.

The doors started to close. Ursul cursed, and a shadow eclipsed the strobing lights. A talon caught the door. James's eyes widened looking across the doorway at Kaidan. Over the alarms, Taccus yelled something. Ursul's voice turned away, and her hand pulled back. James jammed the close door button. As her footsteps receded, the doors slid shut.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

The elevator moved again leaving the CIC. James released a loud breath and slouched against the wall

"We should've worked better on an escape plan," Kaidan said raising his voice over the alarms.

James snorted. "I didn't think the whole damn cavalry would show up. Maybe a couple engineers or something maybe."

The elevator hummed to a stop. The doors slid open. Kaidan's core went cold.

"Major, come on." James motioned.

Kaidan took a hesitant step out. It had been a long time since he stood here, the entryway in front of Shepard's cabin. James punched open the door to her room. Kaidan spun back to the elevator just as it sealed close.

"What the hell, Kaidan? Come on!" James yelled over the sirens standing in the doorway.

"If you'd picked a lower floor, we wouldn't have opened up on the CIC," Kaidan yelled louder than he needed to be heard over the alarms.

"Really?" James backed up into the cabin. "Where you think they're going from the CIC?"

Kaidan stood fixed on the grated landing in front of the elevator.

"What's the matter with you? You staying there? That elevator's gonna open and you're found. In here at least—"

"Fine." Kaidan burst past him. "And where are we going to hide in here? Under the bed?"

The alarm cut off overhead. The lights gave one last flash in the landing by the elevator. The cabin doors slid shut. Kaidan shuffled further into the cabin. The fish tank, empty and bubbling, illuminated the dim room. It smelled like her. The hair on his arms rose and a chill rippled down his neck.

"They won't come up here," James said. "Why would they, right?"

Kaidan shrugged back at him. "Maybe to look for someone."

"Total downer," James pointed at him as he passed and went down the stairs. "Work on that, you might get more party invitations."

"Offering to be the designated shuttle pilot usually scores an invite."

James plopped down on the couch and sprawled back into the pillows. His boots thumped down on the coffee table.

"You found the Mass Effect Shard," James said. The table rattling as he crossed his ankles.

Kaidan pulled it out from his pocket still standing at the top of the stairs. He wiped the edge of his shirt over its glossy surface, and still pinching it in the fabric, tossed it down at James. James lunged forward and caught it.

"No, you did," Kaidan said.

"Really? Me and Joker again, huh?"

"Yep," Kaidan said. "Nice find. You can tell Taccus that he almost vented his missing Mass Effect Shard."

"Think this will earn me some points with him?" James reclined back holding it up and turning it in the light.

"Hard saying," Kaidan said. "Long as he doesn't think you hid it or suspect there's something you're not telling him, then maybe."

"Such a downer." James shook his head with a sigh and slipped it in the same pocket as the bullet.

Kaidan hesitated at the top of the stairs before taking slow steps down. The bed wasn't made, her pillows stacked together on one side. A glimpse through the glass window over top the bed showed a speckled field of stars. Kaidan turned to James and pointed at his boots on the table.

"Shepard would toss your ass across the room for that."

James glanced at his feet. "Would she? Probably break something though. See who gets the last laugh then."

Kaidan gave a soft snort and crossed his arms. James held his Omni-Tool to his ear listening. Finally, he dropped his arm with a sigh. He rested his head back staring up at the ceiling before closing his eyes with a deep breath.

The last time Kaidan had been here, he'd sat there on the couch alone in this room. Now it was a year ago, maybe more than a year ago. That horrible fight with Joker after miscalculating the static drop point had been in front of the whole crew, yelling. Kaidan had sat right there afterward, stunned and broken. It was one of the only times he'd came up here on their flight back. He'd woken up hours later, face stuck to a pillow. For a moment, he woken smelling her and heart pounding to see her, only to sit up staring around an empty room. Then when it had all come crashing back down, the shock of even thinking that for one moment she could be there, tore his heart out. He'd tumbled over his feet in a mad rush to escape this place. Now here he stood again, in more ways than one. Kaidan's boots creaked, and James stirred opening an eye.

"So, what were you hoping to find here anyway?" James asked. "The bullet what you're after?"

"One of things."

"You knew the Shard would be there too?"

"No," Kaidan said. "That didn't even cross my mind."

James rested his head back against the couch. "What then?"

"Anchor's messages on that datapad and some messages sent through the QEC to Earth, they're encoded. Anchor had to code to both."

"You need to figure out Anchor's secret code, huh?"

"It's somewhere. He decoded and coded messages while onboard."

"Maybe it was all in his head," James offered. "You know, before it ended up all over the wall in the cargo bay."

"Both of the codes are too complex for that."

"Huh." James stared at the ceiling. "Shepard confiscated more stuff off him. Some other messages he had encoded."

Kaidan stepped closer. "More than what you gave me?"

James down up at him. "There was some sorta data chip. Don't know what Shepard did with it though."

James held his Omni-Tool to his ear then dropped his arm again with a sigh. Shepard had Anchor's datachip. Either the Spectres had it now, or Shepard had hidden it somewhere. Kaidan's eyes moved to the plexiglass case of model ships above James's head. He burst up the stairs and rounded the desk. James sat up and twisted to look up as Kaidan opened the cracked glass door. His eyes wandering over the different ships. He searched his memory before his eyes fell on the geth dreadnaught. He wrenched it out of the display case.

"Bored, L2? We gonna play with Shepard's ships? She might be tossing you across the room too."

"Not if we don't break them." Kaidan shook the dreadnaught and smiled at the rattle.

"Sounds like you already broke it," James said rising from the couch and coming up the stairs.

Kaidan squinted with one eye into the ship's hollow hull. He shined his Omni-Tool light through the slot and shifted the light around the hollow.

"I get to play too, right?" James said. "Always wanted to try that turien cruiser out."

Kaidan glowed blue, and James stepped back.

"Hey, you really are going to start playing with these?" he asked.

"Going to get something out."

"Something out?"

Kaidan concentrated and squinted at the two data chips sliding against each other in the belly of the geth ship. Long as Kaidan could see them, he could pull them out. He twisted and maneuvered the first one up to the slot. It barely slipped out. It rattled on the glass desk top. Kaidan strained for the other. His biotic were getting tired. Even doing this, he felt a tremor. The last one plopped out. He released the mass effect fields and set the geth ship on the desk.

"Looking a tad run down, L2," James said.

Kaidan picked up the two data chips and turned to the terminal on Shepard's desk. He clicked one into his Omni-Tool and brought up the holographic screen. The familiar loading symbol and home screen made Kaidan smile. Good to have his own Omni-Tool working again. Kaidan brought up the chip's data. It was the Spectre-encoded Terra Firma information he'd sent her. He snapped the chip out of the input port on his Omni-Tool and insert the second datachip. The screen lit up with lines of letters and symbols. Kaidan scrolled through it reading line after line.

"Mean anything?" James asked.

"No," Kaidan said absently following a line with his finger. "I don't think it's supposed to."

"Yeah, well, meant nothing to Shepard. She said it was encoded."

Kaidan's brow wrinkled as he scrolled over it again for a second read. It was long. An entire page's worth of information.

"It's not encoded," he said looking up. "It's the code."

"The code?" James said.

"Anchor's emails and the QEC message were encoded. This," Kaidan grinned, "this decode them. Did Shepard make a copy?"

Anchor's messages were saved on the other Omni-Tool. So were the QEC messages, but he could probably access them through the Normandy's mainframe. He just needed to get into the transmission records. He turned on Shepard's terminal.

"Did she make a copy of the chip?" James asked, and Kaidan nodded. "No. I'd watch out though. She tried to copy it, and it had some sort of killswitch. Burnt out her desk terminal something wicked. Adams had to bring up a spare."

"Released a virus?"

"Sure. I dunno."

"I'll try to copy it later then."

Kaidan typed in a string of numbers. James leaned forward on the desk and smiled.

"Quite the hacker there, L2. You're almost in."

"Uh … Thanks, I suppose."

James Omni-Tool crackled with static. He raised it to his ear.

"Joker?"

"James?" Joker's voice sounded distant.

"You pull that alarm?" James asked.

"Or a poorly timed systems malfunction, depending on the audience," Joker crackled over the speaker. "Like, seriously, guys though …"

Kaidan navigated another field. He found the folder and tapped it.

"What's going on?" James asked into comm.

"I think those Spectres know something's going on. They went to the cargo bay, came up all pissed. Pretty sure I'm getting an escort off. Got a guard watching me. Talking to someone right now. But you guys are kinda on your – Hi." Joker's voice blipped out.

"They're looking for us." James rushed over to the cabin door. It slid open, and he stood in the doorway watching the elevator. "Think you can do some hacking this direction?"

Kaidan lifted his Omni-Tool next to the computer screen and watched a messy string of numbers and letters melt into message. Something about the Summit. Kaidan's eyes danced over the unfolding message. He exhaled sharply. Terra Firma _was_ planning an attack.

"Hey, L2. Priorities here!"

Kaidan shot him a look.

"I mean, whatever you want to do, sir."

Kaidan snapped off the terminal and twisted around. If the code worked on the email too, it would be wealth of information. Anchor had over a dozen messages Kaidan had flagged as likely encoded. James was right though. The priority right now was to get off out without being caught. There could be repercussions on his career, sure, but with the code he'd found, Kaidan couldn't take any chances of being searched and losing it. Taccus and Ursul had no reason to work for Terra Firma, but they could have ties with the Shields or have any number of reasons to not be trustworthy.

Kaidan rushed out of the cabin and slid down next to the elevator thumping his knees on the metal grate. The control panel's cover was already off for whatever reason and leaned against the wall.

"The elevator's the only way up here. What can you do?" James said.

"I'm not sure, but when I do, they're going to know. If that alarm raised red flags, this will confirm it."

Kaidan held his Omni-Tool next to the control panel. It was good to have all his software and custom system programs again. His hands paused over the wiring in the control panel. He frowned and hunched down to see better inside.

"So," James said, "what happens if we get caught?"

Kaidan ran a hand over the gutted circuitry in the box. He sat back with a wrinkled brow.

"Well," he said, "court martial for me. You, though, we'll make up a good story."

James squatted down. "What's the matter?"

"This panel's a mess. Someone tore it apart."

The elevator hummed. James swore and scrambled to his feet. Kaidan shot to his feet and twisted around looking around the landing.

"James, hey." Kaidan dodged to the landing's railing. Machinery churned in the dark opening below. Kaidan turned back to James. "Stay here. You belong on the ship, right?"

"Don't know 'bout that exactly."

Kaidan climbed over the rail. James's mouth dropped open.

"What you doing?"

The elevator doors clicked. Kaidan hung over the side then dropped. It was a longer drop than he realized. He smacked onto a cylindrical chamber vibrating with mechanical activity then slipping off careened into another metal-encased engine system. The elevator doors opened with a long swish above him. Kaidan braced himself against a vertical vent and blinked up through the crisscross grate overhead. His skull throbbed from hitting the wall on his way down. Spots floated in his vision. Boots paused on the landing above.

"What're you doing here?" Taccus's voice said.

Two more pairs of boots rushed off the elevator. James moved aside as they rushed to Shepard's cabin door.

"Go check," Taccus told them.

The voices overhead echoed down into the darkness around Kaidan. Despite all the machinery and vents, Kaidan could hear fairly well. That probably meant it could go both ways then. Kaidan stood rigid and still leaning against the vent.

"Well," Taccus said. "No response?"

"I'm just checking over the ship," James said.

"Up here?"

"That alarm, it scare you too? Thought I'd better check it top to bottom."

Taccus gave an audible huff. "Not send for an engineer? Interesting how you have avoided us while checking it top to bottom."

A soldiers came out of Shepard's room. "Nothing."

"Nothing? Check again."

A sigh.

James's voice again. "I didn't bring a girl up here if that's what you're thinking."

Taccus clicked his tongue and paced to the railing. Kaidan recoiled sinking onto his knees in the shadows. His skimmed hand down the vent, and he reached out to brace himself on the floor. He stifled a curse and yanked his hand back. He angled his palm catch the dim, segmented light filtering down. A drop of blood welled up at the base of his thumb. Taccus shifted on the grating overhead. Particles of dust and metal erosion drifted down on Kaidan's head. Each breath sounded too loud in his ears with the silence.

Taccus pivoted on his boots. "Sure you didn't bring a man up here?"

"Uh," James paused. "I don't swing that way. James Vega's all about the ladies."

The soldier's footsteps returned to the landing. "Still nothing, Spectre."

Taccus cleared his throat gruffly and paced. "Your friend, the pilot, seemed pretty twitchy. I'll tell you a secret. I think he meant to set off that alarm."

"Maybe he smelled smoke."

"I think, maybe he was covering for you. You and Alenko."

Damn. Any illusion of the Spectres searching not searching for him was gone.

"Major Alenko?" James said incredulously. A little too incredulously to be good acting, unless the point was to rub Taccus's face in it. Hopefully, it wasn't that. Provoke him, and Taccus would probably tear the ship apart to find Kaidan.

"You're acquainted?" Taccus said.

"We've played poker a few times," James said. "That guy owes me big time."

It was a little too emphatic. Kaidan rolled his eyes. Yeah, he got it.

"Right." Taccus motioned at the soldiers. "You, stay put and, you, with me. I'm taking Commander Vega on a walk."

The elevator doors opened, and Taccus and Vega's shadows moved inside. One of the soldiers' feet boomed across the landing and followed them into the elevator. Kaidan let out a slow breath as its doors closed. Metal creaked above as the last soldier shifted in place outside Shepard's cabin. After a moment he sighed and hit the open button to cabin. The door closed behind him.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

He kept his eyes fixed above and listened for a few minutes before turning on his Omni-Tool light. His hand was bloody and dark with dust. Filth coated the crowded circuitry, vents, and pipping. Kaidan shined his light across the floor. It caught something in the light. Kaidan grabbed it gingerly finding a safe hold in his fingertips. He turned it over in the light. A syringe. A milliliter of clear, yellow fluid bubbled as he turned it. It must have only nicked him, fortunately.

Kaidan held the light up. The beam moved over old, brown blood and a few dispensed thermal clips. There weren't any other syringes on the floor. This area hadn't been cleaned or searched after the attack apparently. The syringe wasn't dusty. Kaidan moved over to where he'd found it and looked directly overhead. It was the area just in front of Shepard's cabin.

Kaidan twisted the needle off the syringe and discarded it. He squirted some of the fluid into his palm and scanned it quickly with his Omni-Tool. It took a while to search and identify, but when it did, Kaidan smiled. Unidentified. Terra Firma's unidentified poison maybe. Kaidan could hope at least. There was a reservoir on his Omni-Tool, and he injected the rest of the syringe. It would take a while to run full tests for the chemical formula and makeup.

Kaidan rolled the empty syringe across the floor and stared up through the grate at the elevator. Taking the elevator wasn't going to work, not with the CIC full of people and an APB with his picture. The CIC should be directly below him. This was some limbo in between. A part of ship he'd never worked on. What systems were accessible here, Kaidan wasn't even sure. The vents were too small for him to fit a person. He'd gone over blueprints of the ship, but never scrutinized this section. Engines, shields, and weapons systems were a lot more interesting than whatever this area housed, probably the air humidifier, life support, plumbing, waste processing, or something along those lines.

He moved around the machinery and used another light frequency on his Omni-Tool to study the system panels, wiring lines, and circuit routes. Maybe he could find another alarm. It probably wouldn't faze anyone though, just pinpoint his location.

The ship shuttered with a hum rose through the floor. Air rushed out the pipework stirring the dust and making Kaidan's hair move. Buttons flashes as equipment buzzed to life. The metal floor vibrated under Kaidan's boots. Overhead, Shepard's cabin door slid open, and Kaidan covered his light.

"Yes, Spectre," the soldier spoke into a comm as he crossed the landing. Kaidan strained to hear over the rising engine hum. He stepped into the elevator. "How much earlier? I thought we weren't-" It cut off behind the elevator's sliding doors.

Kaidan checked the time. He should have four more hours before departure. Kaidan braced against the wall as the ship shuttered again with another system roaring awake and blinking around him in the dark. The Normandy wasn't a commercial passenger ship fixed on a set schedule. Like it or not, the ship was coming online. That didn't happen until post-departure checks.

If Kaidan was in Taccus's place, it was a rather satisfying notion - your shanghaied fugitive stumbling into the CIC after forty-eight hours squatting in the ductwork hungry, thirsty, and unshowered. The satisfaction would be palpable. Being the other way around though, Kaidan didn't want to avoid that scenario.

Kaidan punched through his Omni-Tool contact list. He couldn't contact anyone with the Alliance. It might be monitored. Miranda was in surgery. Kaidan's breath stiffened in his chest. He swallowed and blinked the thought away. He found the name he was looking for and sent his message. Liara responded immediately over the chat.

KAIDAN: I need blueprints for the Normandy SV2.

LIARA: [after a beat] How much time?

Kaidan considered for a moment. He better just lay it out straight.

KAIDAN: Asap

LIARA: I'll need to access Alliance intelligence.

Kaidan had considered doing that himself. Activity in the database under his username could be flagged though. If Taccus was clever, he'd be watching Kaidan's user activity. The access location could be traced. Taccus seemed clever.

KAIDAN: You're at the hospital?

LIARA: Too early to know anything. You want the blueprints?

KAIDAN: No. ?

LIARA: ?

KAIDAN: Hospital?

LIARA: Yes.

KAIDAN: Adams. Can he help me?

There wasn't a response. A symbol lit up the corner of his screen. His Omni-Tool had finished running the sample from the syringe. He punched it up and stared at the formula for a moment. It didn't mean much to him, but it would to someone. He exited the screen. He needed to focus on getting out first.

Machinery deeper in the ship ground to life. A quiver ran through the ship. Static pinpricked over his skin like a rolling wave and then gone. The FLT drive was online. Damn. This really was happening. He really was going to stumble out unshaven begging for food.

Kaidan rubbed his face roughly, head aching, and body sore. He checked the messenger again. Nothing. His Omni-Tool light bounced off the metal surfaces around him as he paced along the wall. A flash of something metallic on the floor caught his eye. He reached down hesitantly. It could be another needle, but it was too small. Instead he held up a small silver button and turned it in his fingertips. It was from an Alliance uniform. His Omni-Tool chimed. The button clattered to the floor as he brought up the messanger.

LIARA: He's here.

Kaidan glanced around. With the ship charging up, it was fairly loud now. If someone surprised him getting off the elevator above, that person probably wouldn't hear anything before Kaidan cut the feed. He just needed to talk softly. He only needed audio.

"Adams."

"Alenko?"

"I need some help."

"Go ahead."

Kaidan twisted around explaining his location. Adams paused for a moment before speaking.

"Where are you trying to go?"

"Off. I want off."

"What? Sorry …"

Kaidan repeated it louder into the comm.

"Oh, oh. Off. Yeah, I've got you. Off …"

"I don't know if you can hear it, but all that engine sound, the Normandy's leaving. I need off. Now."

"I see."

There was silence. Kaidan waited. Finally, Adams spoke.

"Okay. I don't have a real good solution for you."

"I'll take a mediocre one, Adams."

"Well …"

Kaidan waited then prompted. "Yeah? Come on. I'll take it."

The floor lurched under Kaidan. He caught his hand on the wall to steady himself. Full propulsion systems were coming on. They must be pushing the departure process. The ship shouldn't be bucking like this.

"Adams, please. Anything."

"Okay, well," Adams paused. "You'll have to get into the CIC. No way around it."

Kaidan exhaled loudly and shook his head. That was worse than mediocre. Impossible.

"You don't need to leave out the CIC, but you need to get below the gangway's grate. Once there, you can make your way to the emergency evacuation hatch. You'll pop out right in the loading platform. You'll be crawling out right in front of the Normandy's front door. Don't stay in the platform or …"

"Yeah, I know." Kaidan said. Spaced. Either stay on the ship or get to the docking terminal. No dithering under the floor panels of the station's loading ramp.

Kaidan scuffed his boot at the silver button on the floor.

"Major Alenko?"

"All right." Kaidan sighed and touched his throbbing temple. "How do I get to the CIC?"

Kaidan squinted down at the back of Joker's head through the vent slots. The ship moved beneath him again. Joker had a copilot Kaidan recognized as a crew member from the Balmoral. A soldier stood over Joker's shoulder. The CIC at the other end of the gangway whirled with footsteps, chatter, and the general commotion of takeoff preparation. Much too commotion for him to drop down in the CIC. Here though, if he came down just to the right, he'd be shielded from view from most of the CIC. Keeping low enough and quiet enough, it wasn't impossible that he would be able to pull up one of the gangway's grated panels and slip down below.

As it was though, Joker's guard stood right in the way and the copilot kept glaring over at Joker. Every small sound or movement had him snapping his head back to look at it. A few soldiers wandered down the gangway back and forth. They could be problems too. There was no sign of Taccus or Ursul. No signs of James. Kaidan would owe him big.

"Getting close?" the soldier asked overtop Joker.

The baseball cap moved. "Sure. It's coming along."

"You're stalling," the copilot grumbled. "Here let me do it."

He reached over, pressed on a screen, and slid it over to his side.

"Hey!" Joker snapped.

"You're taking too long," the copilot snapped back.

The soldier chuckled and turned around to face the CIC. He walked a few steps directly below Kaidan. If Kaidan slid the vented ceiling panel over and came down right now, he'd clobbered the soldier. Kaidan couldn't imagine that not drawing attention from the CIC though. Joker sat back in the pilot's chair and readjusted his baseball cap.

"Just giving up any pretext of preparing?" the copilot muttered pulling up another screen. "We don't need you anyway, you know. I've flown-"

"I don't care what piece of space crap you've flown. You haven't flown the Normandy."

The copilot snorted. "Really? I will today. You're being such a—"

"Shut up." The soldier turned back to them. "He's distracting you. Just get ready. And you," he pointed at Joker," we can take you off duty."

Joker grumbled and brought up a new holoscreen. He punched through a series of prompts.

"He's not really doing anything," the copilot said.

"Shut up," the soldier growled and wandered further down the gangway toward the CIC.

Kaidan needed Joker's attention. He sat back on his feet and looked around in the darkness. Something small that wouldn't be seen is what he needed. That silver button under the landing could work. He'd have to backtrack though. If he was wearing a shirt with buttons, he could harvest his own. His eyes scoured the space around for anything else to use. Nothing

He stood slowly to prevent the metal groaning beneath him. He ducked his back under a bend in the wall. His Omni-Tool light cast a tight, high powered beam as he shuffled forward peering through the matrix of equipment and bulging machinery. Maybe he couldn't find it again. Not from here. His light flashed on something. It could be needle. He reached forward glowing blue in the darkness and felt out to it. It was far away, and the sharp beam of his light barely uncovered it. It glowed as Kaidan felt it and got traction on it. It was the button, so small it was hard even for him to manipulate from this distance. It might not be worth it. He pulled, and it glowed as it lifted. His pinch and traction increasing as it neared. He grabbed it out of the air.

He settled back in his spot on the ceiling vent over the gangway near Joker. Joker and the copilot were still fighting. Joker waved at the screens in front of himself as the copilot rolled his eyes. Laughing with a sharpness, the copilot shook his head turning back to his own screen. The button shot through the vent like a blue-tailed comet. Joker yelped jumping and touching the back of his baseball cap, but he didn't look up. The copilot gave him a sideway smirk and another argument started. Kaidan stared. Great. That had been pointless.

Kaidan already had that jittery feeling of hitting the threshold of what his biotics could take. He needed rest, food, and time. Moving all the heavy metal in the cargo bay and the stress and sleeplessness of the week was catching up. Kaidan's eyes strayed to the empty chip bag at Joker's feet. Kaidan concentrated, and the edges of his vision turned blue. His hand shook slightly as he raised it. The sack crinkled with a faint glow. Joker didn't seem to notice. Hmm. Kaidan balled his fist, bag crumpling, and snapped it back in one fluid motion. Joker shrieked lifting off his seat. His copilot jolted staring around wild eyed and pressing a hand to his chest. Joker kicked wildly and howled. The soldier on the gangway raced over to him. Three more forms came pounding down gangway.

Not what Kaidan had intended. Joker was jumpy. He'd wanted to get Joker's attention, get Joker to help him with a distraction elsewhere on the ship. Now Kaidan had created his own distraction but exactly in the place he wanted to draw attention away from not toward. Damnit.

"Holy hell!" Joker yelled snaking a crinkled chip wrapper out from the bottom of his pant leg.

"What's going on?" Taccus marched down the gangway.

Taccus shewed aside a few of the onlookers. James wandered into sight on the gangway behind Taccus. He stopped short of the cockpit's commotion. James sighed with a flat face. The jitteriness ramped up as Kaidan drew on his biotic again. The dog tags on James's chest clicked together and rose glowing in the air. James snatched them with a fist. The blue light winking out. He looked behind and around the gangway with wide eyes. His eyes lifted and stopped on Kaidan's. A small grin spread across James's face. The group in the cockpit was still making over Joker, who gestured with a loud voice. Joker threw the crumpled sack at the cockpit window as the copilot started yelling.

James rolled his shoulders, glanced around, then looked back up at Kaidan. Kaidan turned his head against the vent to glimpse what he could of the CIC. Three personnel huddled together around the galaxy map. Everyone else was either huddled around the commotion in the cockpit or out of sight.

Kaidan skid along the overhead vents until he was directly over James. The edges of the vent panel lifted in Kaidan's fingertips enough to test it would come out when he wanted it. He motioned to the grated floor panel in front of James. James's eyebrows rose but his grin spread wider. He glanced around and then down at the grate toeing back a step before giving the okay sign.

Taccus reeled around and giving James a hard stare. The guy had a sixth sense or something. The ruckus was dying down, and Taccus snapped a sharp order at Joker with his eyes still fixed on James. If this was going to work, Kaidan needed a better distraction. He craned his head to see the open wires under the cockpit dash.

Joker settled in his seat and pulled a screen up on the cockpit dash. The other soldiers crowded around him in the cockpit stared to shift and talk. The three CIC personnel waited at the elevator. They stepped inside and the doors slid shut. It had to be now. Taccus turned his full body to James with narrowing eyes. To James's credit, he didn't even flick a glance upward at Kaidan. Instead he crossed his arms and stared dully back at Taccus. Joker said something, and Taccus turned his head and yelled something.

Dark energy rippled over Kaidan's body, and he yanked his hand back with a hard twist and pull. Blue flashed under the cockpit dash with an eruption of sparks as wires burst loose. Joker screeched reeling back in a flare of electric flashes, alarms sounding, and alerts blazing across the dash. Taccus whirled around raising an arm to the burst of lights.

Kaidan slid aside the vent panel. James snatched up the grate at his feet and moved back as Kaidan dropped. The gangway's metal edge tore his arm as he fell through. His feet smashed into the metal floor sinking into a crouch under the gangway. Hot blood ran down his fingetips, and he spit out a mouthful of it as the floor grate slammed into place overhead. He'd bitten his tongue.

"Vega!" Taccus roared, feet pounding across the gangway grate.

Glimpsed through the slots above, James's eyes widened. He hunched over the grate still, hands barely left the panel. In a split second, he was on his knees yelling a curse and hugging his midsection. Kaidan shuttled along the narrow passage under the gangway as Taccus's shadow darted him overhead.

"You aren't shocked! You weren't even nearby!" Taccus bellowed.

"I think – can someone check me out?"

"What?"

"Someone medical. I have a heart thing."

Taccus snorted and yelled, "Ridiculous! Wait …" Shuffling and a long exhale made Kaidan press forward faster under the pipework. "What—Where—Move aside! Someone grab him."

Taccus had seen the missing ceiling vent then, maybe the blood on the floor grate. Kaidan slipped into the loading platform. He was outside the ship. His hands shook as he fumbled at the emergency hatch overhead. It flew open, and he grasped the edges of the doorway. He pulled himself up and climbed his knees shooting a look up at the Normandy's airlock. The door clicked exhausting around the edges. Kaidan shoved off from the floor and scrambled to his feet. He stumbled into a sprint down the loading track, the station meters away. The door scrapping open as his feet pounded on the track. He wouldn't make it unseen.

He skidded to a stop. There was an idea, but it made his stomach churn. There wasn't time to debate the morality of it. He calmed his breathing and turned about face to meet the opening door. Taccus burst through the open doors with two Alliance soldiers Kaidan didn't recognize. Kaidan sauntered back up the loading track to the ship. Taccus's chest heaved, eyes darting around until they landed on Kaidan. His eyes flashed. A turien style grin broke through, and he raised his head high as he moved forward with heavy steps to meet Kaidan.

"Games up," he said.

Kaidan kept his voice flat. "I heard you're leaving early. Got here as soon as I could. Wondered what was going on."

Taccus's eyes narrowed, breathing still labored. "What?"

"Well, is everything okay? I was worried, Taccus."

Taccus exhaled a burst of breath. "Don't even—"

"I ran all the way here."

Taccus marched faster closing the distance. Kaidan slowed into a stop giving Taccus a weak smile as the turien bumped into him. Taccus rammed a finger into Kaidan's chest.

"Don't mess with me, Alenko!"

"I'm confused," Kaidan said wide eyed and glanced at the soldiers lingering in the background.

Taccus sprayed spittle. "Alenko, don't for a minute think this is working."

"Taccus, you seem worked up," Kaidan said, voice still soft and even.

Kaidan probably wasn't much better of an actor than James. He wasn't going to fool anyone here, even Taccus's two soldiers had slight frowns. They could only say what they saw though, which was nothing but Kaidan walking up the ramp. Taccus breathed raggedly. He quivered as he tapped Kaidan in the chest again.

"You're bleeding."

Kaidan lifted his arm. A bloody gash oozed through the torn sleeve at his bicep.

"Damnit," Kaidan said. "Must have caught myself on a corner in my rush to see you off."

Taccus hissed. "Sure it wasn't on the gangway inside?"

"No, definitely the corner back there."

"And you came all the way up to the Normandy's front door to see us off?"

"How else?"

"Covered in, let's see, ash." He wiped a black smear on Kaidan's neck. "Dust … blood …"

"Don't groom me."

Taccus punched him in the face. Kaidan staggered back clutching at his jaw. Hot blood ran down his lips, tasting metal in his mouth. Taccus jabbed Kaidan in the chest and shoved him back another step. The muscles in Taccus's arm contracted as his taloned hand fisted again. Kaidan scrunched his face waiting, but Taccus pulled back and shook his head.

"Damn you," he muttered. "We could do a DNA test you know."

Kaidan shrugged, wincing from the sharp pain in his jaw.

Taccus glanced back at the Normandy. "Your accomplice is probably wiping it up right now."

The idea was laughable. James wasn't that cunning. No way anyone was in there mopping his blood up under the gangway, but Taccus probably knew that. In the end it probably wasn't worth it, long as Kaidan didn't push him too far.

"You know," Taccus said. "I really thought I could trust you. Heard all this about you. Guess not."

That hurt more than the punch to his face.

"Oh." Taccus turned halfway. He twisted back and punched Kaidan in the face again. "Now we're even. Too bad you cut those cameras. I assume anyway. I guess there are only eyewitnesses to this."

The two soldiers grinned at Kaidan. Taccus turned and stormed back to the Normandy. His lackies twisted on their heels and followed him through the airlock. Kaidan palpated his jaw, neck muscles coiling in pain, and a shiver running down his back. He turned away from the Normandy, holding his jaw, and focused on his serrated breathing. Focusing on breathing helped with his migraines, but didn't do much for this.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

The docking ramp brought him out into the loading bay's terminal. He needed to reset the cameras. He'd started the vid loop from a control panel in a warehouse off the loading bay. This time of night, it was a private enough access point to hack into the local surveillance feeds.

He overrode the warehouse's sliding doors and slipped inside. The energy saving lights cast an eerie greenish tint to looming stacks of shipping crates as Kaidan crossed a wide clearing by the door. He skirted the shadows of overhead cranes loaded with shipping freight. His boots echoed across one of the floor vent panels, and he smiled. If his friends had managed to slink through the vent work to these warehouses, who knows what they would have found. This much tall, open space probably stored station supplies and rations. Pilfering the warehouse would have earned some bad memories once they were found out, and they were always found out. Fortunate, they never found their way through the ductwork here then.

He wove through the stacked shipping containers finding an alleyway to the back. The control panel's cover was still laying on the floor where he'd left it an hour earlier. He dropped to his knees next to the panel and turned on his Omni-Tool.

A light scrapping sound made Kaidan snap his head around. He clicked off the bright screen on his Omni-Tool. Nothing moved in the shadowy gaps between the towering rows of shipping containers. He bent his head and listened - only the distant hum of the station's life support system and the low overhead buzz of electric lights, maybe a vague creaking of weight shifting and settling above in the crane's suspension ropes.

He took his hand off his pistol and clicked his Omni-Tool screen back on. He glanced around once more then stooped his head to see into the panel. The vid's feed needed the wires tied back together first. He reached in. Hair lifted on the back of his neck. The air tingled. He jerked back. A burst of blue energy flashed across the control panel. Kaidan reeled back and kicked to his feet. Another burst of energy caught him halfway up. His skin exploded in a storm of needles and fire. Blinded, he hit the wall, breath slamming out of him.

He gasped raising a shaky hand. Blue light fanned out from his fingers like a bubble. He stumbled away from the wall quivering as a blue glowed across his skin. Sharp bursts slammed into the bubbled shield with burning sparks. Kaidan stumbled back. The booms echoing through the bay.

He dodged to the side at the cover of a metal freight container. The electric shield dropped from his hand as his barrier rippled over his skin. Something sharp ricocheted off barrier on his leg. His ears boomed. He pulled tighter around the corner of the shipping crate. Metal flecks sprayed into the air by his shoulder as he pressed tight against the crate. He tore his pistol from his pelt and stepped closer to the edge. The shots stopped. Kaidan spun around the crate holding the pistol out with both hands. Nothing.

His muscles tightened, chest heaving as he twisted around with his gun keeping his back to the row of crates. There was an armed biotic somewhere. The air rippled in the corner of his vision. He spun and fired. Bullets ricocheted off a ripple in air, and the clear air forming into a glowing blue figure.

Kaidan dodged a flash of light. His Omni-Tool flashed as he lashed out with a snapping hiss of electrical current. The figure staggered as its blue field shivered. Kaidan motioned with his other hand and the figure flashed. The Reave made Kaidan's barrier glowed brighter as he fired his pistol over and over.

The figure sprinted to the edge of a crate, barrier dimming but still present. The pistol's bullets ricocheted off the blue veil. Kaidan tore after the biotic raising his Omni-Tool hand again. The air misted with frost, and the figure stumbled. Its dim barrier iced over turning white before shattering as the biotic burst free. The figure slipped around the corner, Kaidan on the heels. Kaidan snared the edge of the crate and swung himself around the corner. The figure was gone again. Kaidan fired down the dark row of crates and threw an Overload field from his Omni-Tool. They hit nothing.

Kaidan panted. His vision swam with flashes of lights that he knew weren't really there. He staggered against the crate grasping for a handhold to keep himself upright. The start of biotic fatigue. He shouldn't have Reaved. Between that, maintaining his barrier, and the state he was already in - he was pushing it too far.

Light flashed behind him. Kaidan twisted as a glowing sphere slammed into his chest. He clawed at the crate as he stumbled back a step. The sphere seared his vision, sucking and swirling the air into its center unbalancing him. His feet slipped on the floor losing traction. He clenched his teeth, broken jaw shooting with pain, and clamped down on his breath. His barrier flared brighter. Feeling a little give, he scrambled to gain footing and tug back against the singularity's vacuum. Almost free.

The air waivered beside him. Kaidan ducked. Metal flakes and sparks spraying from the crate overhead. Kaidan's Omni-Tool flared. He twisted his wrist up, but his footing slipped. He tumbled back into the gravitational field. An Omni-blade flashed past him. A sharp pain skimmed his forearm as he swept backward into the sphere.

Kaidan's boot lifted, toes dragging across the floor. The blue figure's Omni-blade glowed red as the figure stepping closer. Kaidan clenched his face, lungs burning and he strained his barrier. His barrier flared and burst in an explosion of light. The figure flew backward and slammed onto the floor. The singularity sphere winked out. Kaidan's feet clattered to the floor, and he stumbled forward catching his footing. He raised his pistol and fired. The biotic rolled to the side raising an arm. A blue shield blossomed out from its hand. Bullets deflected across its diming surface as Kaidan moved forward firing his pistol.

The figure lifted a pistol above the shield and fired across the top of it. Kaidan ducked, and the bullet grazed through the hair on his head. His barrier was down. He'd forgotten. He dodged between two crates as bullets sprayed the floor along his path. Covered behind the crate, he held a shaky hand out in front of his face. He wasn't going to be able to shoot straight soon. His frown deepened as he stared at his hand. Blue flickered on his skin, but in a bright burst, went out. He breath caught as an electric shiver made his head swim.

The bullets cut off. Something scuffling across the metal floor. The biotic was getting up. Kaidan twisted to face the face the crate's corner. Movement stir to the side down the corridor of crates. His clip had to be nearly spent. He backed up slowly, eyes fixed on the corridor, and reached for another clip. Gone. He must have dropped his spare clip in the shuffle. A chill settled over him as he grasped the gun with white knuckles. No footsteps approached, but this biotic was quiet. The biotic could be invisibly cloaked again.

Kaidan's vision unfocused head feeling light. He stumbled catching himself against the crate before he fell. He blinked and raised his arm again holding the gun out. He could pass out right here. He'd been to this point before. If his nose wasn't already bleeding from the hit, it would be bleeding again now. His feet stumbled. He couldn't sense the biotic anywhere.

Kaidan spun around. The row of crates behind him lead back to the wall. There were gaps between the crates along the row, but otherwise it was a clear shot. Kaidan glanced back to where he'd left his attacker around the corner in the other corridor. The air didn't ripple or move, even holding his breath, it was still and silent in the bay.

He glanced back down the row of crates at the wall and lowered his gun. He shot forward toward the wall eyeing the gaps on either side as he sprinted ahead. He skid up against the wall and darted to the side behind the cover of a crate. He pressed his back against the wall and looked to each side. If skimmed along the wall to the warehouse's corner it would provide more shelter, but then again, there was a reason no one wanted to be "cornered." It was better here, wall to his back, crate in front, two open sides. One way for escape. He could pick his way along the wall, crate to crate, and get to the door. His would-be killer was probably be waiting by the door anyway. One way in, one way out. Ironic he'd cut off the surveillance footage of his own murder.

He seemed to have some time, he glanced to either side and punched up his Omni-Tool keeping the gun in hand. Dizziness overcame him for a moment as the screen lit up. Breathing fast, he blinked grounding himself against eh wall and pressed up his contact list. His Omni-Tool lit up buzzing. Miranda was calling him. Kaidan frowned and reached for the comm button.

An explosion of blue light flashed in front of him. Kaidan snapped his head up already scrambling to the side. The crate in front of him glowed as it smashed into him. The crate forced him closer to the wall as his palms strained against it. Dark energy flared over his skin as he turned his head, teeth clenched, grunting, and aching as he struggled to push it back. The crate scraped across the floor forcing itself deeper against his palms and tightening against him. He stared out down the wall. He wasn't close enough to the edge to slip out. The crate pressed into his chest. He clenched all the air he could hold, straining forward, light blazing across his skin, holding it, and trembling. His vision blacked out then faded back in with a distorted flicker. His lungs couldn't expand. He gasped for air. If he blacked out even an instant.

"Alenko?" a female voice boomed through the warehouse.

The crate's blue light flashed away. If faded away in a mist. Kaidan grunted, sucking at air, and scraped the crate back enough on one side to spill out arms wheeled, coughing, and shaking. He lurched down a row of crate gripping his gun, stumbling, and unsteady. Each panting breath felt like breathing glass.

"Spectre Alenko?"

The voice was distant but closer. She must hear him. The open space in front of the door was just ahead. Kaidan staggered forward, straining to pick up his feet, desperate to catch his breath. His chest felt caved in. Whoever it was calling for him though was in trouble.

"Who's here?" the voice asked.

Footsteps moved across the metal floor in the open space ahead. Kaidan was almost there. It was a female voice. Kaidan stumbled to a stop at the edge of the crates. It wasn't Liara. Thank God. Or Miranda. The figure spun around to face him and glowered. A turien. Ursul.

"Alenko! It _is_ you."

A gunshot exploded echoing around the bay, and she sprawled forward hitting the floor face first. Blood fanned out in front of her, and Kaidan lunged forward. Ursul lifted her head up, wide eyed, blue blood pouring from her mouth.

The biotic stepped out into the open on the other side of the clearing. The glowing figure put its back to the warehouse doors. The biotic rushed at them. Kaidan raised his pistol. The figure made a swiping motion, and the gun tore out of Kaidan's shaky hand. It skipped across the floor and slid under a crate. Kaidan stood over Ursul. She sputtered trying to push herself upright, but her palms slipped in the blood.

The blue figure leveled a gun as it drew closer. Kaidan squinted at the figure through the thin veil of its barrier. An asari, vaguely familiar, from the Balmoral. It was the surgeon. She squeezed her pistol trigger. Kaidan's batted it away with a flash of light. Metal pinging off the burst of shielding. He swayed straining to focus as his vision floated with bright spots.

He needed to get her barrier down. He couldn't use his biotics or pistol to any real effect unless it dropped. She was getting close enough for tech though. The Omni-Tool heated his skin, muscles tightening, as his hand balled into a fist watching each approaching step. She stopped short. His breath escaped with a frown. She knew not to get too close then. She raised her pistol and fired. He flicked it away with a shield burst. Eventually, he wouldn't time it right. Ursul raised herself on one palm and pawed the pistol she'd dropped. The asari's eyes flashed down to Ursul at his feet.

The distraction was enough, he leaped forward raising his Omni-Tool. The asari stumbling backward and firing, but he batted it away. The charge from his Omni-Tool burst into her barrier making it waver. Gun in one hand, she flung her open hand at him burst of light. He braced as the Throw hit him. He flew back and slammed to the floor dazed. The Throw would have broken his shield anyway. Dodge? Pretty sure she was hoping that with her gun. He sat up. Ursul's blood slipped under him. Ursul wavered on her knees a few meters to his side and raised her gun. She fired.

It pinged off the asari's barrier, and she fired back. Kaidan flashed out a sputtering shield. The bullet pierced through and dug into the floor next to leg. She was too far to manipulate her with the tech on his Omni-Tool. Ursul returned fire. The shots hit the floor at asari's feet as she dodged.

The asari's pistol clicked, and she paused. Her eyes flickered above Ursul, shots flashing off her barrier. Her lips cursed up, and she threw out her hand. Blue energy flashed overhead. Metal shrieked and ripped above.

"Ursul!" he garbled, broken-jawed.

He reached his hand out to her, but her eyes turned up to the crane. A shadow narrowed over her. Her eyes wide and wild met his. Blue burst from his outstretched hand. She flew backward. The freight container smashed into the floor with an explosion of air and dust. The floor lurched under him as his head slammed to the floor. His arm erupted in pain sucking the air out of his lungs with a gasp. The pain splintered up his arm into his chest. It was pinned under the cargo container. The pain was probably the only thing keeping him from passing out. He couldn't see. The world blurred around him with a floaty feeling. Kaidan focused on the pain letting himself feel as his eyes watered.

Footsteps approached. With his Omni-Tool … wait. It was on his right arm crushed and pinned. The asari must be safe to near them. Ursul must not have her gun. Maybe he hadn't flung her far enough away. He hissed through his teeth with the pain. The footsteps stopped. Kaidan rolled his head to see her. She went in and out of focus as she dropped her eyes to him. She raised her pistol. He drew a sharp breath. Click. She'd forgotten to change the clip.

She released a long exhale and with quivering fingers dug around in the belt at her waist. Her shoulder hunched with heavy, shaky breaths. Kaidan's vision lightened and darkened. Focus on the pain. He turned his cheek against the cool metal floor and blinked slowly waiting. Something focused in his vision. He squinted. Ursul's gun lay just above his head but out of reach. He twisted to see the asari again.

The spent clip rattled to the floor at her feet. It was a familiar hollow sound. Kaidan lifted his head. She was standing on a vent panel in the floor. Her barrier flickered dimly, chest billowing, as she turned the pistol over in her hand. Kaidan drew a sharp breath. Focus on the pain, stay awake. The asari snapped a new clip in.

Kaidan reached out his left hand to her. Breath slow. Concentrate. This is where he had learned it. He clenched his breath, sweat and pain blurring his eyes. She raised the gun finger on the trigger. There! A blue flash. Metal squealed and ripped. Her gun tipped upward as she fired with the vent panel caving in under her. The bullet hit the cargo container by his head as he hand extended up. Her arms spread out catching her upper body over the hole. Enough – that brief drop in concentration, exhausted, guard down low. Kaidan fired.

It struck. Blue faded off the gun in his hand as she tumbled back against the edge of the vent standing waist deep. Her barrier flashed over her skin again. Her face raised with a fierce glare drawing her lips back from red teeth. Blood dripped down the corners of her mouth. She stumbled forward resting her arms on the floor and looked down the pistol at him. Kaidan unloaded his gun. The bullets skid off her barrier driving her backward. Kaidan's gun clicked, spent. The asari woozily lifted her pistol again and locked eyes with him. The shot missed. She sank down, clawing weakly at the flooring, try to aim her gun again, but she wasn't getting up again. She sank with a thunk out of sight.

Kaidan thumped his head back on the floor. The room spun around him. He let the pain fade over him and drop away. Blackness at last.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Pain. Kaidan's lips drew back, and he squeezed his eyes as tight as he could. When he woke up again, he was lying in regular bed in his gray walled room on Jump Zero. He pushed himself upright and nearly screamed. He fell back onto his pillow panting from the pain shooting up his arm. A tight bandage wrapped his right arm from palm to shoulder. The bones felt stiff and achy. A sickly whiteness pervaded the skin peeking through the bandage. His arm. The freight container. He hesitantly touched his face. Pain radiated under his fingertips along the jaw. His whole body felt sore and weak. The knifing pain up his arms was starting to fade though. He sat up slowly only using his left to raise himself up on the bed.

It was the room he'd rented on Jump Zero. Déjà vu waking up here again, but this time he was alone. He slid his feet to the floor. Silence folded in around him. Shepard. Kaidan pushed off the bed steadying himself. He was in his underwear. His bag and clothes were at the foot of the bed.

Miranda had been calling him on his Omni-Tool. He remembered that now. He reached over with his left hand and paused over the bandaged, waxy skin on his wrist. His Omni-Tool had to be crushed. He swayed on his feet and grabbed the edge of the bed. It had all been for nothing then. He tore clothes out of his bag. There were more important things to focus on. His heart pounded as he scrambled to get dressed.

XXX

He raced down the hall, body aching with each pounding footfall. He had tried Liara's door, but there had been no answer. Miranda's room had been just as empty. The pathway to the med ward was almost autopilot at this point. He slipped through the ward doors before they could even slid open all the way. He didn't bother to check in with the receptionist and just buzzed himself through the side door.

His feet pounded down the hallway to her room. Two nurses stared at him and rushed to move out of his way. He could see her door ahead. The hall stood empty and silent. A tightness squeezed his chest as he slowed coming to her door. He slapped his palm on the open button, and the doors slid apart.

Faces around the room turned toward him. Shepard lay still her face obscured by tubes. A machine blinked by her head with a steady hum. He walked in slowly. Liara stood up from a chair by Shepard's side. Her cheeks glistening. In the other chair, Miranda sat not turning with her eyes fixed on Shepard. She brushed her face with the back of her hand before glancing over her shoulder at him. Adams stood on crutches head hanging. He looked away when Kaidan turned to him. Cortez stood against the wall openly crying. Liara's feet tapped closer, and she put a hand on his arm, his right arm, but it didn't seem to hurt anymore.

His breath stopped. He walked up to Shepard's bed. An IV dripped, machines clicking around him. Her chest steadily rose and fell with each balloon-liked expansion and collapse of the machine next to her. Her heart rate traced on the screen over her head, each artificial beat blipping perfectly evenly timed. Her hand iced his fingertips as touched the coarse skin. He drew his hand back and turned to Miranda.

Purple crested under her hooded eyes. Red colored her nose, and her mouth pulled down at the edges. She sniffed, elbows resting on the armrests, and leaned her face into the palm of her hand. She rubbed a twisted tissue between the fingers of her other hand. She didn't look at him.

Liara twisted her fingers on the top of her empty chair. When she glanced up and met his eye, a tear slid down the track on her cheek. She didn't brush it away, just held his eyes.

He turned back to Shepard. He touched her hair and ran a hand down her arm. Her cold fingers slipped limply between his as their hands interlocked, and he looked up at her face. The air rushed out of him. His fingers pulled away as he backed up and stood shoulder to shoulder with Liara, her skin warm against his arm. He bent his head listening to her jagged breaths, the blipping monitor, and the inflating balloon. No one spoke. After a while, Miranda pushed up from her chair sniffling. She hung her head as she slinked to the door. It slid open with a hiss. She hesitated not looking at anyone.

"Not tonight. Tomorrow morning," she said.

Kaidan's eyes burned on Shepard's face covered with tubes as machines hummed and moved keeping her alive. The only thing keeping her alive. One by one they left. Cortez. Adams. He and Liara stood a long time until she finally touched his arm and left. A nurse came in and eyed him as she moved equipment, took vitals, and entered the information into a screen on the one of the monitors. Kaidan stepped back and left.

XXX

Stale air hung in the amphitheater. The same drifting dust caught in the murky light. Kaidan breathed through his dry mouth looking out from the balcony's shadows. The metal wall chilled his cheek as he slouched on the bench watching the air turn in the atrium beyond the waist-high balcony wall. He blinked unfocused in the dark stillness.

Footsteps tapped lightly, echoing louder until Liara came around the hallway corner with sagging shoulders. She sank down next to him on the bench. Her breath fell into rhythm with his, slow and long. She folded her hands in her lap and hung her head staring at them. Kaidan's voice came out dusty and dry when he spoke.

"How long?"

Liara didn't look up. "Three days."

"Three days."

Liara nodded weakly. "Sedated so your arm could set. You were discharged. We left you to wake up."

Kaidan exhaled sharply and looked at the pale light beaming down from an upper story. The coolness of the metal against his face contrasted to the warmth of Liara against his other side. She turned to him.

"We waited for you."

"Waited." Kaidan swallowed.

"Yes." Liara's voice caught.

Kaidan's eyes shifted to her face, but he didn't move. She gazed at the floor and drew in a snorky breath. A rag spread open by Kaidan's foot drew her eyes, and her brow drew tight. She bent down and skimmed a hand over the broken bits of metal flattened and twisted.

"Your Omni-Tool?"

"What's left of it," Kaidan whispered.

Liara stared at him. "You can't …"

"No."

She leaned back. "I'm sorry."

Kaidan looked back out at the auditorium.

"The Alliance ran ballistics," Liara said. "The bullet that killed Commander Anchor. They've removed his name from the victims list. They know Shepard shot him."

"Good."

Kaidan listened to her breathing.

"We found the code," he mumbled.

Liara's eyes widened. "That's—"

"It's destroyed." Kaidan nudged the rag with his boot.

"Oh."

"Not that it even … in the scheme of things," he said.

"The man that attacked you …"

"Yeah?"

"He's the one that shot Ursul?"

Kaidan raised his head. "What? Who else? Me?"

Liara's eyes grew big. "I don't think that. Just, I think the station security—"

"Let them look into it," Kaidan growled and leaned his face back against the wall. "The only one I shot was that surgeon … biotic."

"She wasn't actually a—"

"Figured."

"Ursul's alive. Critical condition. They think the asari that attacked you was the same assassin that killed the primarch. Miranda said she thought—"

"I don't care," Kaidan said. "Let's not talk about it."

Liara nodded slowly. "Very well."

Kaidan lifted a hand to his face and touched his jaw. Nothing felt painful anymore, maybe just in contrast. Emotional pain felt more potent than physical. If only there were pills for that pain too. Though, maybe some actually did use pills. Or alcohol. Or whatever else people turned to for relief.

Kaidan touched the rag again with his boot. "I saw it."

"What?"

"The code. It worked. I tried it on one of QEC messages."

"You already read the decoded messages then?"

"No," Kaidan said. "I just checked it. I didn't have time to … anyway, it's destroyed. I read through the code, but it's too complicated to remember."

Liara sat taller and twisted to look at him. "You read the code?"

Kaidan grunted affirmatively staring off.

"All the way through?"

"Twice, but it's too long."

"And this was all before the … accident?"

"Accident?" Kaidan turned his head and gaped at her. "An accident?"

"You didn't want to talk about it …"

"No, I don't." He settled his face against the wall again.

"So … how long?"

"How long what?"

"Since you read the code?"

"Maybe an hour before the … 'accident.'"

"Then, you're sure you looked it all over? Looked over it well?"

Kaidan sat upright. "Not well enough to remember it, so not really."

Liara turned in her seat to face him. "I can find it."

Kaidan frowned and eyed her. "Find it where?"

Liara nodded at him with her eyes on his forehead. "In there …"

Kaidan stood up. "No."

Liara stood too. "Kaidan—"

"No way, Liara."

"But …"

"No."

He scooped up the rag full of broken pieced and folded it. Liara touched his hand, and he looked up.

"Why not? I've done it with Shepard. Several times. She always seemed fine, didn't she?"

Kaidan shrugged. "You can't find something I don't remember."

"Yes, I can," Liara said. "Right now I can. Another day, every hour … less. But it's been relatively recent."

"Three days recent?" Kaidan snorted and stuffed the rag into his pocket.

"Three days sedated, no new memories crowding in. It's recent. I could find it for you, Kaidan."

Suddenly, a thought crossed Kaidan's mind. He looked at her.

"Liara, with Shepard, have you tried …"

"It doesn't work that way." Liara dropped her head and shook it. "She … you can't force it. You have to be let in. An unconscious person can't let you in."

"Oh." Kaidan bit a lip.

Liara watched him silently. Kaidan gazed back at her.

"If …"

"I won't force you, Kaidan. I'm only offering. You can recover some of what you lost."

Kaidan took a deep breath gaze shifting around the room. Nothing really mattered anymore. Everything felt hollow and dismembered, burned away, but he might regret it later. Shepard wanted bigger things. She'd said that the day they'd had coffee in Vancouver. If it could save someone, keep the Council safe, that's what she would want. He might give up, but that wasn't her. He looked over at Liara.

"Okay."

Liara nodded and stepped closer. He swallowed staring back at her

"Just relax."

Their eyes held each other. Kaidan's throat tightened with shallow breaths. Liara frowned.

"Kaidan. You're too tense."

She grabbed his face. He flinched for a moment, but the light touch of her hands on his jaw didn't hurt. Liara drew his face closer until he felt her warm breath. He wanted to pull back, but she held his face and spread her thumbs to the corners of his mouth.

"Relax. Just breath slowly. Close your eyes."

Kaidan closed his eyes. Breathing.

"Embrace eternity."

A wave washed over him. He reeled inside. A glow spread over him as if just skimming his skin, but so close it moved the hair on his arms. Liara was there, a warmth and familiarity tainted with sorrow mirroring his own. It was a breath away but apart. Numbers, letters, strings of words drew out of him like a chill. Calm sunshine bloomed just above the icy turbulence. He stretched out and grazed it. Emotions and thoughts rippled out from his fingertips as he drew back. A glow of warmth and stillness, understanding, and release faded off his icy skin. Frost engulfed him again in a dark, churning storm. Alone. That sense of Liara though - softness and warmth and hope. To feel better or less worse, he reached out to it. An influx of relief felt like catching his breath a stream of thoughts, feelings, and something deeper trickled into him. The taste of Liara, who she really was, diffused through him, warmed him in vibrance and color. He strained further to it, and it engulfed him.

A swell of serenity, euphoria, belonging wrapped through him. Liara. He could feel her emotions as they intertwined with his - sorrow and hope. Loneliness, loss, desperation seeping away under the soft rush of tenderness, warmth, and peace. It spread deeper enveloping everything. Liara's senses, memories, thoughts, feelings embraced his. He wasn't alone.

He saw it then – Thessia; a home; and Benezia, sometimes so caring, so wise, so inspiring, but then cruel and strong; a childhood and studies; excitement and youth; fascination and reward; Prothean ruins; different planets; different research groups; the archeological finds; the adventure and mysteries. It rushed through him. And Shepard - their meeting, brushing minds, moments of smiles and sadness, good and bad. Longing, wistfulness, loss. The memory quivered around him. He saw himself. He stood next to Liara and looked up meeting his own eyes.

His life brightened into memories and wove through them – Vancouver, his parents, sister, family, growing up by the ocean. Jump Zero and Vyrnus, Rhana - the grief and rage of everything, an old regret. His enlisting, training, missions. Anderson. Shepard. Meeting her, impressed and dazed, intimidated. The love, desire, hope, and emptiness. Their night before Ilios. The burning ship and safety pods. Rescued and seeing Joker crawl out of the safety pod by himself. Despair, conflict, and regret. Horizon, Mars, the standoff on the Citadel - scabs picked from a wound but soothed and eased away. He saw himself and Shepard at Apollo's café. The surge of joy. Then back on the Normandy – staggering, fumbling, panting as they tumbled through her cabin door, his mouth on hers, desperate.

Memories came and went, ebbing and flowing, opening, expanding. Still deeper and brighter, folding out in an exhilarating rapture of oneness. No sense of where she began or he ended. Pain washing away like a memory in a frenzied elation of relief and comfort. Stretching, aching, expanding more and more, deeper thoughts, deeper feelings, deeper memories. He felt them, his own and hers all around them.

Was his heart pounding in the real world? Was it hers? He couldn't tell. Did it matter? The feel of her fingertips holding his face, the softness of the skin, just a shade warmer. Breathing each other's breath. More memories flared up from the recesses, deeper until there was nothing left but sunlight, every shadow dissolving. Deeper. A memory broke free, the details falling in around them. He was back there again - Anderson's and then Shepard's apartment.

 _Darkness shrouded the apartment. The Citadel lights cast shadows through the window blinds as flames danced in the fireplace. He and Shepard sat on the couch they'd pulled in front of the fireplace, their conversation fallen into silence._

Kaidan reeled back from the memory, but it was already unfurling and smothering over him.

 _His arms rested across the top of the couch. Shepard's head rested in his lap with her fingers intertwined across her stomach. He studied the firelight on her face as she watched the flames. It was everything normal. What life should be except for this. What life would never be. Not for them. He touched her hair, and she looked up. His heart stopped. A watery reflection looked back at him. He'd never seen her cry. It was the only time._

 _He brushed the tear away with his fingertip. She rubbed the back of her hand across her face and sat up, then stood and walked off. Kaidan bent forward and folded his hands in front of him watching the fire. After some time, he stood up._

 _She was in the upstairs bathroom hunched over the sink, arms bracing on the counter. The faint glow of the green jacuzzi button was the only light in the darkness. He walked over. His palm rested into the sunken space between her shoulder blades, and her eyes squeezed shut. She cupped a hand over her mouth as he pulled her close. After a moment, she clenched a fistful of his shirt, twisting it as her face turned and pressed into his chest. Strands of her hair stuck to his jaw as he leaned his cheek into her hair and closed his eyes. The warm, tight, close feel of her made his heart slow as he breathed in the scent of her shampoo. The faucet dripped, the only other sound than their breathing._

 _She drew her head back. The soft light cast everything in an emerald shade. It reflected off her eyes as they searched his. She kissed him softly. The briny taste of tears mixed on their lips. Slow and gentle, she kissed him as her palms flattened on his chest. It was tender, and Shepard was rarely tender._

 _Only twice did she say she loved him, and then, only when everything accelerated out of control and they were certain to be dead in the space of days. She'd said it then. But it was here, in the low light kissing tenderly, tasting tears, that he knew she loved him. He'd already loved her for so long._

The pain and loss of it swelled out of the memory. Pain and despair inflated. The memory shattered. It exploded into pieces spraying out, sharp and cutting, slicing into every corner of his mind. Comfort shredded with the eruption and collapsed in the upheaval of an aftershock. Liara, the emotions, the memories, the release and warmth, glow of togetherness and harmony, ecstasy and rapture, not knowing where he began and she ended - all of it burst and tore apart.

Kaidan drew in a sharp gasp, and his eyes snapped open wide. Liara's breath caught as the inkiness in her eyes constricted into pupils. Her hands still held his face, and she blinked at him as she caught her breath.

"You're trembling," she whispered.

His throat tightened, and he stepped back letting her hands drop away from his face.

"What the hell just happened?"

He steadied his breathing and stared back at her. Her dewy eyes studied him, searching his. She reached a shaky hand to him, but he stumbled back another step.

"Kaidan …"

He shook his head, mouth tightening, and ran a hand over his face slick with cold sweat. The shadow between Liara's brows deepened. She stepped forward. Kaidan retreated.

"Kaidan …"

"I need to go."

He avoided her eye and brushed around her. He plunged down the dark hallway behind her, and made an effort to keep to a walk. After he rounded the corner, he gave in and ran.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Kaidan slinked into Shepard's room. It was empty. Probably too early for anyone to be awake. He pulled a chair over and sat in a heap. Heat radiated from his face, heart still pounding, as he hunched forward and hung his head. His fingertips pressed into his eyelids, and he listened to the beeping heart monitor and the pull and push of the respirator. He sucked in a shaky breath and lifted his head to look at her. The rag of Omni-Tool pieces bulged in his pants' pocket. He pulled it out and wadded it as he stood up. He hurled it across the room. It hit the wall above the trash spraying pieces of metal across bouncing off the counters and across the tiled floor.

Air hissed as he forced it out through his teeth then drew in a watery breath. He covered the bottom of his face with his hands. He looked over the fingertips on the bridge of his nose and watched her chest rise and fall. She was dead. Dead already. The last step probably shouldn't even matter. Blood and breath didn't make someone alive, thought and feeling did. Everything between them was written now. It was the end then, and even the memories would fade and becoming rewritten with each misremembrance, and the things he was so desperate to hold onto would slip between his fingers and never be like they were even in a memory.

He squeezed his eyes shut. The memories between them, even the most private, he'd given away like nothing. He felt sick with himself. He'd given himself over to it raw and complete. It felt like betrayal, and rationalizing wasn't helping. He'd done nothing wrong, but if he believed that, this guilt shouldn't still be hemorrhaged in his chest. He released a shuddery breath and dropped his hands from his face.

He picked up her wrist. His thumb rubbed the back of her hand tracing a blue vein branching under the pale skin. The air had crackled when their mass effect fields touched. The tingle would race under his skin thrilling every nerve ending and leaving his heart throbbing in his chest with a shiver. It was unlike anything he'd felt. Touching another biotic that way … well, he didn't want to again.

Dark energy rippled over his skin and spread down his arm, his hand, his fingertips. The dull skin of her hand fizzed against his glowing hand. He let the energy slid out from his fingertips and slip out across her skin. The barrier spread up her arm, across her chest, and covered her. He had nowhere near her skill for barriers. He never could have wrapped an imploding shuttle, not for any length of time to hold in an explosion, but he could wrap another person in a barrier. It danced, rippling blue over her skin and encasing her in an undulating field of static flowing out from his fingers. He dropped it, her skin faded back to a chalky white, and the room dimmed.

He drew the chair closer, touching hand, and sat. If only her face wasn't so lost in medical tubing. The wish jolted him. He'd get his wish in the morning - see her face again - as they took away her last breath. It would feel like his last breath.

Blue flashed. Kaidan sat up as his eyes cleared. The room looked normal - same machines clicking, same night-cycle-dimmed florescence overhead. His vision had burst into blue for instant though. He'd felt the static. He whipped his head around scooting the edge of his chair. The door was closed. He was alone. No biotic assassin lurked in the corner. It wasn't a migraine aura. Perhaps it was a side effects from what had happened with Liara. Maybe something was finally happening with his L2 implant. All the stress or the combination of everything, and it was finally happening. It came again.

He shot to his feet tipping the chair over. It clattered at his feet as his heart raced. Another burst of blue. Surgical instruments rattled on their metal tray near the foot of the bed. Kaidan inched forward staring at them. Another wave came. They glowed rising for an instant then clattering back onto the tray wobbling from the drop. Blue didn't flash, it flared shinning all around him. Pieces of gauze and tissue floated from the trash can against the wall. A hand towel lifted from the ring by the sink. The metal bits of his Omni-Tool clinked across the floor. The rag lifted spilling residual pieces into the air. The hair lifted on his arm and crackled across his skin. His head snapped to Shepard. She glowed. The blue light went out. It faded off the surfaces and drained from Shepard's skin.

Kaidan stumbled backward. He spun around and scrambled to the door. The family conference room they'd been using was just down the hallway. He skidded to a stop in front of it, and fell through the door. He saw who he was looking for. Miranda leaned against the wall head hanging and a datapad dangling limping at her side.

"Miranda!"

"It's fine. I'm just tired." She waved him off and rubbed her face.

He grabbed her arm and tugged her to the door.

"What the hell?" she hissed wrenching her arm free.

"Come here. Please."

She must have seen something in his face, because her eyes widened.. She motioning for him to lead the way. She stumbled into to Shepard's room behind him.

"What?" She said as rolled her head looking around the room. "What's so—"

Blue flared around the room. It held in one long flare like before, and Miranda's eyes grew larger as gravity shifted around them. The light faded, and the surgical tools dropped from high enough, they bounced and rolled onto the floor. Miranda licked her lips and stared around them. She rushed to a green button at Shepard's bedside and smashed it down. Kaidan shifted watching as another wave rolled over them and faded away. The door opened, and a nurse came running in.

"Get her down to the STK scanner. Right now!" Miranda barked.

The nurse frowned. Her mouth opened. The wave came again, and the nurse gasped. Miranda motioned her away. She scrambled around the corner, footsteps slapping down the hall.

"What's going on, Miranda?"

"Shhh."

Miranda peered at the monitors and felt Shepard's wrist. He stepped closer.

"Tell me."

"I don't know!" she roared as blue flared over them.

The door opened again. The nurse he'd just seen entered with another woman. It was one of the doctors he'd met earlier

Miranda stood back. "We need to—"

Shepard gasped and started to choke. Kaidan rushed forward, but Miranda raised a hand up chest-level to hold him back. She pointed at Shepard's face.

"Extubate her."

"But …"

"Now!"

The nurse looked over at the doctor. The doctor narrowed her eyes at Miranda but set down a clipboard and motioned the nurse to move the head of the bed. Another blue wave flared over them. It felt like they were coming faster and lasting longer. The nurse yelped yanking her hand back from the bed's metal frame.

"Hurry up." Miranda rushed to the head of the bed. She leaned over the side of Shepard's head opposite the doctor and helped. "Here."

Kaidan angled to see. They unhooked the hose and tilted Shepard's head back. The nurse tapped a button on the respirator. It exhaled slowly then went still.

"The tubes," Miranda grunted. "Are you going to help me?"

The doctor nodded vigorously and lifted a metal instrument from the nurse's hand. Miranda snapped shouting direction as she huddled next to the doctor. They leaned over Shepard shinning a light down her throat. Kaidan strained to see around their hands. The nurse just stared with rounded eyes at the hair on her arms as another blue wave flared over them.

"Is this harmful?" Kaidan asked.

The waves were coming so fast now. Soon there wouldn't be a break between them.

"I don't know!" Miranda roared glaring back at him.

Kaidan took a literal step back and waited. Miranda lifted the tube out with a gurgling pop. The doctor took it from Miranda's hand. Miranda put a palm on Shepard's chest and looked down at her face. Her face stood still, skin sickly, and eyes tapped shut.

"Come on," Miranda muttered.

Her hand didn't raise on Shepard's chest. No movement. The nurse caught the doctor's eye and chewed on her bottom lip.

"Come one," Miranda hissed.

Shepard's pale lips tinged. Another wave rolled over the but slower, and it didn't reach through the whole room. The light dropped immediately without holding. Kaidan's heart pounded, feet shifting. Miranda yanked her hand back and snapped her fingers at the doctor.

"We're intubating her again!"

"But …"

"Now!"

The doctor and nurse scrambled as they fumbled with the tubes and pulled the machine back over. Kaidan swallowed hard stepping further back out of the way. Miranda twisted away from the bed exhaling loudly and shouted at them.

Shepard gasped. The intubation tube dropped out of the nurse's hands. A shiver ran down Kaidan's spine. Miranda spun around and put a hand on Shepard's chest again. Another breath. Miranda's palm rose on her chest. Miranda gawked at it then looked over at Kaidan eyes wide. Her smile grew until even her teeth peeked out.

Kaidan stumbled forward. Miranda grabbed his hand and placed the palm where hers had been. It rose with a breath, too weak to see with his eyes, too fragile to risk even resting the full weight of his hand on her chest. But it was there. He felt it rise again. A sickly gray still dulled her face, but the blue tinge was fading. She breathed in again. Miranda leaned over and peeled the tape off her eyes with shaky fingers.

"Damn." Miranda flicked her shivery hands before reaching out again and pulling off the last piece.

Kaidan exhaled a loud breath through his teeth then drew in a sharp breath. It felt like the first breath after paddles shocked the heart back into beating. His sore jaw clenched, and he blinked rapidly drawing his hand back.

"We need to get her down to the scanner!" Miranda snapped.

Blue flared again them again. Kaidan moved aside as Miranda and the doctor shoved the bed past him. The nurse ran alongside pushing the squealy-wheeled IV pole. His eyes caught a glimpse of Shepard's face before as they turned her out the door. Wheels squealed and pounding footsteps faded down the hall until the hospital room's doors slid shut cutting it off. Kaidan covered his face with both hands drawing in hitching breaths and sank to his haunches. He stayed like that for a long time.

XXX

"She's sedated." Miranda walked up to him in the hallway.

Kaidan swallowed and tried his voice. "Is she going to …"

"Yes." A smile split her face and wrinkled her eyes. "Kaidan, I-I don't even know…" She shook her head and laughed. "Damn. I can't believe this."

Kaidan drew a sharp breath. "I thought …"

"I know."

Miranda paced still shaking her head. Wheels squeaked at the end of the hall. The nurse from earlier pushed Shepard's bed toward them. Miranda leaned into Kaidan's vision.

"She'll need to be sedated for a while. Her brain activity is improved, normal even, but that biotic hyperactivity … things needs to settle down and heal."

"She'll be all right?"

"Yes. I already said that."

Miranda opened the door to Shepard's room. The nurse sped up and pushed the bed inside. Kaidan followed Miranda inside. An IV dripped at Shepard's side and she had a nasal cannula on, but she looked better already. Maybe it was just removing the ventilator or the bias from hearing Miranda say she would be all right. Miranda said she would be all right. Kaidan repeated it again. Those words had seemed long past being possible.

"I don't understand it," Miranda said standing beside him and shaking her head. "I can't figure it out."

"What?" he asked.

"What changed."

Kaidan gazed at Shepard. He cleared his throat.

"Could a mass effect field have done anything?" he asked.

Miranda pinched her eyebrows together. "That she was able to create those fields meant something had changed in her, not visa versa."

Kaidan shifted. "Yeah, I know that."

Miranda's lips twisted skeptically. She walked to Shepard's bed, and Kaidan came up behind her.

"I put a barrier over her," Kaidan said. "Could that have done something?"

Miranda pivoted to look at him. "What? Why the hell would you do that?"

"I don't know. I just … I just did."

"Just did?" she repeated flatly.

Kaidan waited. "Well?"

"I don't know." She turned back to Shepard thinking for a long time. "I guess it's possible. After I replaced the implant, it didn't fire. She wasn't conscious to activate it. All the electrical activity just continued spiraling out of control. Now her brains looks how, in theory, it should have looked if the surgery worked. The barrier may have activated the implant somehow. The L3's been able to reset everything."

"Reset everything?" Kaidan repeatedly darkly.

Miranda frowned at him. "Brain function. Not who she is, memories, or anything like that, Kaidan."

The nurse checked the IV bag then stacked tubes on top the ventilator. Miranda leaned over Shepard's face, turned her Omni-Tool light on, and lifted up an eyelid. She checked the second eye then turned off the light. She shot a look back at Kaidan.

"Is Liara coming?"

Kaidan blinked. "Oh. You thought I …"

"I've been reading the scans and arranging everything." Miranda turned to him. "What have you been doing?"

Kaidan frowned. He glanced around.

"Where's a terminal?" he asked before his eyes stopped on the terminal in the corner. Kaidan strode over to it. "I'll message everyone."

"Good idea." Miranda rolled her eyes and felt Shepard's wrist. "It's been over an hour, Kaidan. Other people care about her too, you know."

Kaidan gave a long sigh. "Come on, Miranda."

She smirked over at him, watched her Omni-Tool for a beat, and then dropped Shepard's wrist.

"I forgot about your Omni-Tool," she said.

Kaidan peered at the terminal's welcome screen. "You'll have to log me in."

"Forget about it. I'll message them."

Kaidan gave a heavy shrug. "Fine."

Shepard's chest rose and fell softly eyelids twitching. A paleness washed out her face, but she looked alive again.

"How long will she be sedated?" He walked to the side of her bed.

"A couple of days," Miranda said wandering away keying in a message on her Omni-Tool. "We'll see how the implant settles in."

Kaidan touched Shepard's hand and looked up at her face. He would look into her eyes again and hear her voice. An hour ago, those things had been condemned to memory. Now, they'd meet again. Miranda caught his eye and returned his smile. Shepard lived.


End file.
